مطالب کوتاه و خواندنی [آرشيو] - باشگاه مهندسان ایران

S H i M A

2007/6/23, 12:46 PM

The Seven Stage Of Rostam

http://www.020.ir/2_Stories/PerStories/7khan/khan1.jpg

Long times ago Iran's king decided to capture demon (http://www.020.ir/2_Stories/EngStories/eng7khan/words/demon.htm)s' town
.But demons captured (http://www.020.ir/2_Stories/EngStories/eng7khan/words/captured.htm) him and his army
Rostam, the Iranians' hero (http://www.020.ir/2_Stories/EngStories/eng7khan/words/hero.htm) started going to the demons' town
.to free Iran's king & his army from captivity

http://www.020.ir/2_Stories/PerStories/7khan/khan2.jpg

.Rostam &his horse, Rakhsh stayed in a cane field (http://www.020.ir/2_Stories/EngStories/eng7khan/words/cane%20field.htm) to rest
Rostam lit fire with an arrow. He also hunt (http://www.020.ir/2_Stories/EngStories/eng7khan/words/hunt.htm)ed a zebra (http://www.020.ir/2_Stories/EngStories/eng7khan/words/zebra.htm) and
.started eating
There was a lion's woodland (http://www.020.ir/2_Stories/EngStories/eng7khan/words/woodland.htm) in this cane field. This lion was
.even stronger than an elephant

http://www.020.ir/2_Stories/PerStories/7khan/khan3.jpg

Rostam was tired and he fell asleep. Lion thought that first he had to defeat horse so that Rostam couldn't escape. The lion went towards Rakhsh. He raised his two hands forward to take Rakhsh' head & plunge his teeth into Rakhsh's back. But
.Rakhsh was so strong that he threw him to the ground

http://www.020.ir/2_Stories/PerStories/7khan/khan4.jpg

.In the morning Rostam woke up. He saw the lion the ground
Don't fight alone again! If something happens to you, how can
?we reach demons' town

http://www.020.ir/2_Stories/PerStories/7khan/khan5.jpg

Rostam was riding on Rakhsh when they reached a barren desert (http://www.020.ir/2_Stories/EngStories/eng7khan/words/desert.htm). It was so hot that you thought fire was coming down from the sky. Rostam couldn't talk anymore because of hot weather and thirst.Rostam came down and continued his
way on foot. He couldn't find any way for rescue. He looked at the sky, prayed & fell down

http://www.020.ir/2_Stories/PerStories/7khan/khan6.jpg

Suddenly a buffalo (http://www.020.ir/2_Stories/EngStories/eng7khan/words/buffalo.htm) was appeared in that field. Rostam wondered where this animal gets water. He asked God to help him and then got up. Rostam and Rakhsh followed the buffalo. They found a spring (http://www.020.ir/2_Stories/EngStories/eng7khan/words/spring.htm) in the way and drank water from it. Rostam washed his body in the water, hunted a zebra, cooked
.it and started eating

http://www.020.ir/2_Stories/PerStories/7khan/khan7.jpg

Rostam and Rakhsh reached a plain (http://www.020.ir/2_Stories/EngStories/eng7khan/words/plain.htm). A dragon (http://www.020.ir/2_Stories/EngStories/eng7khan/words/dragon.htm) lived in that plain. Elephant, lion and even demon didn't have the courage to come to that plain because of the dragon, and if they came
.to the plain, they couldn't escape
The dragon was watching Rostam & Rakhsh
.Rostam fell asleep

http://www.020.ir/2_Stories/PerStories/7khan/khan8.jpg

The dragon went towards Rakhsh. Rakhsh got confused when
he saw the dragon. He went towards Rostam to wake him up
.and show him the dragon

http://www.020.ir/2_Stories/PerStories/7khan/khan9.jpg

When Rakhsh came near Rostam, he pounded his hoof (http://www.020.ir/2_Stories/EngStories/eng7khan/words/hoof.htm) on the ground. Rostam woke up & looked at the desert. Suddenly the
dragon disappeared. Rostam slept again. The dragon
appeared in the darkness & went near Rostam. Rakhsh
.spread the soil to wake him up
.Rostam woke up & again he saw nothing."You don't sleep &
don't let me sleep'' Said Rostam angrily to Rakhsk and he fell
.asleep again
The dragon appeared and lit fire with itstail (http://www.020.ir/2_Stories/EngStories/eng7khan/words/tail.htm). Rakhsh didn't have the courage to wake Rostam up, but he liked him and so
.decided to do that

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Rostam got up and he get angry. But because of God's will, that time the dragon couldn't hide. Rostam saw the dragon and fought against him. Rakhsh touched his ears surprisingly
because he saw Rostam pulled out both shoulder (http://www.020.ir/2_Stories/EngStories/eng7khan/words/shoulder.htm)s of the
.dragon with his teeth
The dragon was so huge that when it fell down, the field under it's body disappeared

S H i M A

2007/6/23, 12:49 PM

http://www.020.ir/2_Stories/PerStories/7khan/khan11.jpg

In the morning, Rostam started riding on the horse. He saw a spring and there were bread and shaker (http://www.020.ir/2_Stories/EngStories/eng7khan/words/shaker.htm) near it. He came
down the horse and sat by the spring. He saw a lute and started playing and singing. He sang a song about himself
"Rostam is a homeless (http://www.020.ir/2_Stories/EngStories/eng7khan/words/homeless.htm) person… he seldom has happy days…
everywhere is battle ground for him… he should always fight against demon, dragon, lion and panther
A witch (http://www.020.ir/2_Stories/EngStories/eng7khan/words/witch.htm) heard Rostam's song. She did makeup, came closer
.and sat near Rostam

http://www.020.ir/2_Stories/PerStories/7khan/khan12.jpg

Rostam thanked God for beautiful spring and the lute. Rostam didn't know that the woman was a witch. When he called God's name the witch's face color changed. When Rostam saw her face, he got up
"Who are you?" Asked Rostam
The witch suddenly changed to a big ugly woman

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When Rostam recognized the witch he cut her in two pieces.

http://www.020.ir/2_Stories/PerStories/7khan/khan14.jpg

Rostam continued going on his way. He reached a place full of grasses. He rested there with Rakhsh. When Rostam was resting , suddenly a few persons came close
"Why are you sleeping in this plain and letting your horse free?" they asked Rostam
Rostam fought against them. He took one of them and told him:
"If you show me the place of the demons which Iran's king has taken, and also the place of the king I will appoint you as the
"king of Mazandaran.
That man, who was called O'lad replied:'' If you want to find the place of demons and reach the place where the king is
captured, you should walk a long way and pass thousands of "demons and soldiers of Mazandaran's king
"Let's see what I can do."
Rostam laughed and said.
Rostam and O'lad started going to the place of demons

http://www.020.ir/2_Stories/PerStories/7khan/khan15.jpg

Rostam and O'lad reached the plain where a demon called Arzhang lived. The demons gathered when they saw Rostam. Rostam shouted so loudly that the sea and mountains trembled. Arzhang jumped out of his tent (http://www.020.ir/2_Stories/EngStories/eng7khan/words/tent.htm). Rostam defeated
him in a short time and other demons ran away

http://www.020.ir/2_Stories/PerStories/7khan/khan16.jpg

At that time Rostam had to defeat a demon called White Demon to save Iran's king, Kavos. He had to pass seven mountains and reach a black and frightening (http://www.020.ir/2_Stories/EngStories/eng7khan/words/frightening.htm) cave. That cave was the place where White Demon lived. O'lad told Rostam a secret.
"When the sun rises, the demon falls asleep. At that time no demon is awake except the guards of White Demon and so
"you can win in that fight

http://www.020.ir/2_Stories/PerStories/7khan/khan17.jpg

Rostam waited until the sun rose. Rostam called God's name and attacked the demons. When he defeated the guards he went to the cave of White Demon. In the cave he saw a demon
who was as huge as a mountain. White Demon was asleep. Rostam called him to wake him up.
When he saw Rostam, he took a large stone and went
.towards Rostam rapidly

http://www.020.ir/2_Stories/PerStories/7khan/khan18.jpg

Rostam beat the hands and legs of the demon quickly. They fought until Rostam defeated the demon. When Rostam defeated him the spell (http://www.020.ir/2_Stories/EngStories/eng7khan/words/spell.htm) which made Iran's king and his army
.blind broke and they were able to see

http://www.020.ir/2_Stories/PerStories/7khan/khan19.jpg

When Rostam defeated White Demon, he then freed king
Kavos and his army. After that he fought against the king of
Mazandaran and struck him. Mazandaran's king was a
. sorcerer and so with Rostam's impact he turned to a stone
Rostam appointed O'lad as the king of Mazandaran because
.of his promise

http://www.020.ir/2_Stories/PerStories/7khan/khan20.jpg

Rostam came back to Iran with king Kavos and his army. He
.was the champion of Iranians indeed

a young Architect

2007/7/15, 09:51 AM

"First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, then --you win." --Mahatma Gandhi
excuseme dear sara i had no T

sara_hyperactive

2007/8/04, 08:51 PM

no matter dear it's much better than nothing. thanx

No one can avoid defeat. that is why it is better to lose a few battles in the fight for your dreams than to be defeated without even knowing why you were fighting.

liliss85

2007/8/05, 09:42 AM

listen and silent aretwo words with the same alphabets and are too important for friendship beacause only a true friend can listen to you when you are silent...:smile:

liliss85

2007/8/05, 09:47 AM

life is like a piano, white keys represent happiness and black keys represent sadness,but only when you go through te white and black keys you hear the music of life.

sara_hyperactive

2007/8/21, 06:42 PM

Why English Is So Difficult

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;
but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;
yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?

If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,
and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?

If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,
yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.

We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
but though we say mother we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.
Anonymous

Some reasons to be grateful if you grew up speaking English;
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) There is no time like the present, he said it was time to present the present.
8) At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
22) I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine In pineapple.

English muffins weren't invented in England .
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wiseguy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.
If Dad is Pop, how come! Mom isn't Mop?
GO FIGURE! That's American English.
unlike Sanskrit english made its own rules of pronounciation & Grammar in a different way based on the words derivated from
example CH is pronounced as ka wen the word is derived from greek example
character = karakter
CH is pronounced as sha wen the word is from french
ex champagne,chateau
similarly with singulars & plurals

sara_hyperactive

2007/8/22, 09:57 AM

HOW A SON/DAUGHTER THINKS OF HIS/HER DAD AT DIFFERENT AGES:

At 4 Years
My daddy is great.

At 6 Years
My daddy knows everybody.

At 10 Years
My daddy is good but is short tempered

At 12 Years
My daddy was very nice to me when I was young.

At 14 Years
My daddy is getting fastidious.

At 16 Years
My daddy is not in line with the current times.

At 18 Years
My daddy is becoming increasingly cranky.

At 20 Years
Oh! Its becoming difficult to tolerate daddy. Wonder how Mother puts
up with him.

At 25 Years
Daddy is objecting to everything.

At 30 Years
It's becoming difficult to manage my son. I was so scared of my father
when I was young.

At 40 Years
Daddy brought me up with so much discipline. Even I should do the same.

At 45 Years
I am baffled as to how my daddy brought us up.
At 50 Years
My daddy faced so many hardships to bring us up. I am unable to manage
a single son.
At 55 Years
My daddy was so far sighted and planned so many things for us. He is
one of his kind and unique.
At 60 Years
My daddy is great.
Thus, it took 56 years to complete the cycle and come back to the 1st stage.
Realise the true value of your parents before its too late.
.

sara_hyperactive

2007/8/22, 10:12 AM

Before the marriage:

He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.

She: Do you want me to leave?

He: NO! Don't even think about it.

She: Do you love me?

He: Of course!

She: Have you ever cheated on me?

He: NO! Why you even asking?

She: Will you kiss me?

He: Yes!

She: Will you hit me?

He: No way! I'm not such kind of person!

She: Can I trust you?

He: Yes.

Now after the marriage you can read it from bellow to up !!!!

sara_hyperactive

2007/8/23, 12:46 PM

make a woman happy............ .. A man only needs to be

1. A friend
2. A companion
3. A lover
4. A brother
5. A father
6. A master
7. A chef
8. An electrician
9. A carpenter
10. A plumber
11. A mechanic
12. A decorator
13. A stylist
16. A psychologist
17. A pest exterminator
18. A psychiatrist
19. A healer
20. A good listener
21. An organizer
22. A good father
23. Very clean
24. Sympathetic
25. Athletic
26. Warm
27. Attentive
28. Gallant
29. Intelligent
30. Funny
31. Creative
32. Tender
33. Strong
34. Understanding
35. Tolerant
36. Prudent
37. Ambitious
38. Capable
39. Courageous
40. Determined
41. True
42. Dependable
43. Passionate
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
44. Give her compliments regularly
45. Love shopping
46. be honest
47. be very rich
48. Not stress her out
49. Not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
50. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
51. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself
52. Give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
53. Never to forget:
* Birthdays
* Anniversaries
* Arrangements she makes

&
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY:

1. Leave him alone

nino

2007/9/07, 07:17 PM

US economic growth
01 سپتامبر, 2007

http://www.bbc.co.uk/f/t.gifhttp://www.bbc.co.uk/worldservice/images/2007/08/20070831104035us_oil_refinery_ap_203x152.jpg
اقتصاد آمریکا قوی تر به نظر می رسد

طبق آمار وزارت بازرگانی آمریکا، نرخ رشد اقتصادی سالانه این کشور بسیار قابل توجه بوده و در سه ماهه دوم سال 2007، معادل چهار درصد بوده است. این آمار مربوط به قبل از مشکلات اخیر بازارهای مالی است. به گزارش اندرو واکر، گوش کنید:

The new figures cover the three months up to the end of June. They represent a significant increase compared with the government's first estimate a few weeks ago. And they are a very pronounced improvement compared with the decidedly weak performance in the first three months of the year. Strong investment by American business was one of the main factors behind the faster growth.
There is some comfort for financial markets in these figures, but, it must be said, not very much. The recent volatility in credit markets and share prices is not reflected at all. It came a few weeks after the end of the period these figures cover. How will those events affect the wider economy remains the big question about them.
Traders in the markets are also trying to guess whether the Federal Reserve - the US central bank - will cut interest rates again to limit any economic consequences. Many are hoping the Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke will give some clues when he speaks on Friday at a gathering of central bankers from around the world.
Andrew Walker, BBC

represent a significant increase

نشان دهنده افزایش قابل توجهی است

estimate

تخمین زدن

pronounced improvement

بهبود مشهود

decidedly weak performance

عملکرد ضعیف مشهود

There is some comfort

کمی آسودگی خیال وجود دارد

volatility

بی ثباتی، متغیر بودن

affect the wider economy

در سطح گسترده تری از اقتصاد اثر می گذارد

to limit

محدود کردن

economic consequences

پی آمدهای اقتصادی

clues

نشانه ها، سرنخ ها

nino

2007/9/07, 07:38 PM

Athletics championships draw to a close

http://www.bbc.co.uk/f/t.gifhttp://www.bbc.co.uk/worldservice/images/2007/09/20070903100113farah_203x152.jpg
مو فراه، از بریتانیا، در مسابقه دوی 5 هزار متر مردان، مقام ششم را کسب کرد

مسابقات جهانی ورزش های دو و میدانی، که در شهر اوزاکا در ژاپن برگزار شده بود پایان یافت. این رقابت های 9 روزه که شاهد یک رشته قهرمانی های فراموش نشدنی بود، از رسوایی و ماجراهای جنجالی، عمدتا به دور ماند. به گزارش آلکس کپستیک، گوش کنید:

These championships could not have been more different than the cold, wet and windy experience that was the last edition two years ago in Helsinki. For athletes and spectators, track and field is at its best when the weather is fine, but with the mercury soaring above the thirty degrees mark and soaking humidity, Osaka has taken it to the extreme.
But there were few complaints and although no world records have been set, the running, throwing and jumping has been of the highest quality. The most successful athlete has been the American sprinter, Tyson Gaye, who will leave Japan with three gold medals.
There was much to enjoy here in Osaka but the overall attendance has been disappointing. The sports governing body is under pressure to attract a new audience. One idea under consideration is to make the schedule more compact, by reducing the length of the championships.
But at least there have been no scandals - yet. At least one drug sample is suspicious, but the organisers say it will take at least a week to determine whether there's been a doping violation.
Alex Capstick, BBC, Osaka

the last edition

در اینجا: مسابقات قهرمانی ورزش های دو و میدانی قبلی

track and field

اصطلاح آمریکایی برای ورزش های دو و میدانی

the mercury soaring

اصطلاح، به معنی هوا گرم تر می شود

soaking humidity

هوای داغ و مرطوب

taken it to the extreme

اصطلاح، در اشاره به چیزی که بسیار بد، نامطلوب و حتی غیرقابل قبول است

of the highest quality

دارای کیفیت سطح بالا

the overall attendance

در اینجا: تعداد تماشاچیان

to make the schedule more compact

در اینجا: کوتاه تر کردن دوره برگزاری مسابقات

scandals

رسوایی ها، جار و جنجال ها

a doping violation
استفاده غیرقانونی از داروهای محرک و نیروزا

nino

2007/9/08, 04:23 PM

Tributes to Pavarotti
08 سپتامبر, 2007
http://www.bbc.co.uk/f/t.gifhttp://www.bbc.co.uk/worldservice/images/2003/10/20031008114804031008_pav1.jpg

در ایتالیا، مقدمات تشییع جنازه لوچیانو پاواروتی، مشهورترین خواننده تنور دنیا، که پنجشنبه گذشته درگذشت، فراهم آورده می شود. سیاستمداران و چهره های سرشناس از سراسر جهان به ایتالیا رفته اند تا در مراسم تدفین پاواروتی، در مودنا، شهر زادگاهش شرکت کنند. به گزارش کریستین فریزر، گوش کنید:

Since late Thursday evening there's been a steady stream of people filing past Luciano Pavarotti's open casket. He's dressed in his traditional black tuxedo, his white scarf round his neck, the rosaries in his hand. Last night his second wife, Nicoletta, stood by the coffin as hundreds queued outside Modena cathedral for a last glimpse of their favourite tenor.
The family have asked for a solemn funeral, though in many ways it's taken the shape of a state funeral. The Prime Minister, Romano Prodi, has signalled his wish to attend and the Italian papers have speculated that the British royal family might also send a representative.
There will also be a long list of celebrities and musicians here. The line-up includes many of those with whom he shared the stage - Placido Domingo, Jose Carreras, Bono, Sting and Elton John among them. Pavarotti's great friend Andrea Bocelli will sing the Panis Angelicus which Pavarotti had sung with his father in this same cathedral many years ago. And the funeral will be shown live on Italian television - a screen in the cathedral square for the many thousands of people expected.
Christian Fraser, BBC News, Modena

a steady stream of people filing past
افراد زیادی که در یک صف بلاوقفه، ایستاده اند ( از کنار تابوت پاواروتی) عبور می کنند

open casket
تابوت سرباز، تابوت روباز

tuxedo
کت و شلوار رسمی

rosaries
تسبیحی که معمولا کاتولیک ها و بودایی ها برای ذکر گفتن از آن استفاده می کنند

for a last glimpse
برای نگاه آخرین بار

solemn
پر ابهت، سنگین

taken the shape of
شکل .... را به خود گرفته

signalled his wish to
گفته است که می خواهد...

speculated
پیش بینی کرد

shared the stage
در اینجا: به اتفاق، در صحنه برنامه اجرا کردند، با هم، روی صحنه آمدند

PATRIOT

2007/9/10, 12:28 PM

نامهء یک هندی به بیل گیتس
Banta singh letter to billgates
Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
This letter is from Banta Singh from Punjab . We have bought a computer for our home and we found problems, which I want to bring to your notice.

> 1. After connecting to internet we planned to open e-mail account and whenever we fill the form in Hotmail in the password column, only ****** appears, but in the rest of the fields whatever we typed appears, but we face this problem only in password field. We checked with hardware vendor Santa Singh and he said that there is no problem in keyboard. Because of this we open the e-mail account with password *****. I request you to check this as we ourselves do not know what the password is.

> 2. We are unable to enter anything after we click the 'shut down ' button.

> 3. There is a button 'start' but there is no "stop" button. We request you to check this.

> 4. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friend clicked 'run' and has ran upto Amritsar ! So, we request you to change that to "sit", so that we can click that by sitting.

> 5. One doubt is that any 're-scooter' available in system? As I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.

> 6. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot for tracing the key with this ' find', but unable to trace. Is it a bug??

> 7. Every night I am not sleeping as I have to protect my 'mouse' from CAT, So I suggest u to provide one DOG to kill that cat.

> 8. Please confirm when u are going to give me money for winning 'HEARTS' (playing cards in games) and when are u coming to my home to collect ur money.

> 9. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when u will provide that?

Best regards,
Banta Singh

nino

2007/9/12, 08:09 AM

Second Life

http://www.bbc.co.uk/f/t.gifhttp://www.bbc.co.uk/worldservice/images/2007/05/20070502114349070502lilly203.jpg
آیا هرگز خواسته اید یک بار دیگر هم زندگی کنید؟ شاید در زندگی دوباره، شرایط بهتری داشته باشید. یکی از بزرگ ترین پدیده هایی که امروزه در اینترنت دیده می شود، چیزی است که دقیقا زندگی دوم، خوانده می شود. به گزارش مادلین موریس، گوش کنید:

Virtual worlds are still a little known part of the internet. In them, real humans are shown as digital versions of themselves known as avatars. They build homes and businesses, buy and sell land and have relationships - all through the medium of the computer.
Second Life is the biggest and best-known virtual world but for all the hype, generally no more than one-million people log on in any given month. But in an interview with the BBC, Second Life founder Philip Rosedale has predicted that as technology improves, that will change:
PHILIP ROSEDALE: Our challenge is to scale this from nine-million people registered and a couple of hundred thousand people a day using it to hundreds of millions of people routinely using it, which I think it can and will reach.
Speaking by his avatar, Philip Rosedale compared the current state of virtual worlds to the stage the internet was at in the early nineties. Real world businesses are currently expanding into virtual worlds not only as marketing tools but as recruiting sites. Multi-national companies, such as IBM and PA Consulting, now regularly hold client meetings there.
But the technology behind virtual worlds is still a long way off being ready for mass use. Currently no more than fifty avatars can gather in one place without freezing the computer programme, and performing basic functions, such as changing your appearance, requires technical expertise well beyond the ability of most everyday PC users.
Madeleine Morris, BBC

Virtual
مجازی

avatars
شخصیت های مجازی کامپیوتری

but for all the hype
ولی با وجود تمام هوچی بازی و جار و جنجال ها

to scale
در اینجا: افزایش دادن

it can and will reach
این کار عملی است و اتفاق خواهد افتاد

recruiting sites
سایت های اینترنتی کاریابی

a long way off being ready
هنوز با آماده بودن فاصله زیادی دارد

mass use
استفاده عده زیادی از مردم، استفاده جمعی

freezing the computer programme
از کار انداختن برنامه کامپیوتر

technical expertise
تخصص و تبحر فنی

nino

2007/9/17, 07:30 PM

Emmy awards

http://www.bbc.co.uk/f/t.gifhttp://www.bbc.co.uk/worldservice/images/2007/09/20070917095915sopranos_203x152.jpg
صحنه ای از سریال تلویزیونی

"سوپرانوز"در مراسم اهدای جوایز "امی" که در حقیقت اسکار تلویزیونی است، سریال تلویزیونی سوپرانوز، که درباره یک دار و دسته گانگستری مافیایی است، بیشترین جوایز را به دست آورد. در این مراسم که در لوس آنجلس، برگزار شد سالی فیلد، و هلن میرن، نیز موفق به کسب جایزه شدند. به گزارش پیتر بوئز، گوش کنید:

The Sopranos ended its six-year run on American television earlier this year. The mob drama is widely regarded as a ground-breaking series, and the award for best drama, a befitting tribute to one of the most popular shows of the past decade. But the programme's main star, James Gandolfini, failed to win the award for best actor. Instead, James Spader took top honours for his role in the drama Boston Legal.
Sally Field was named best actress in a drama for Brothers and Sisters. She plays a mother whose son serves in the Iraq war. In her acceptance speech, she said if mothers ruled the world, there would be no wars in the first place.
Dame Helen Mirren was honoured for her long-running role in the detective series Prime Suspect. By contrast, the award for best comedy series went to a newcomer, 30 Rock, a sitcom about a TV show. America Ferrera was named best actress in a comedy for Ugly Betty.
The other winners included the veteran singer Tony Bennett who won the award for best performance on a variety show, and the former vice-president Al Gore picked up an Emmy for his interactive TV channel that shows videos made by viewers.
Peter Bowes, BBC News, Los Angeles

its six-year run
دوره پخش 6 ساله اش، دراینجا: مدت 6 سال از تلویزیون پخش می شد

mob drama
نمایشی که درباره یک دار و دسته جنایتکار به شیوه مافیاست

ground-breaking
استثنایی، بی سابقه

took top honours
موفق به کسب جایزه شد

acceptance speech
سخنرانی که شخص معمولا هنگام دریافت جایزه یا نشان افتخار ایراد می کند

long-running role
نقشی که شخص برای مدتی طولانی بازی می کند

detective
کارآگاه

a sitcom
سریال رادیویی یا تلویزیونی که بازیگر اصلی آن در هر برنامه، با داستان های متفاوت، شرکت دارد

a variety show
نمایش واریته، برنامه تفریحی که مجموعه ای از اجراهای کوتاه رقص، آواز، لطیفه گویی، شعبده بازی و دیگر سرگرمی هاست

picked up
در اینجا: جایزه دریافت کرد

nino

2007/9/22, 02:12 PM

New way to produce biofuels

http://www.bbc.co.uk/f/t.gifhttp://www.bbc.co.uk/worldservice/images/2007/07/20070704133010070704biofuelfora.jpg
دانشمندان برزیلی می گویند راه تازه ای برای بهبود تولید سوخت های زیستی ( سوخت هایی که منشأ گیاهی دارد) کشف کرده اند. این پژوهشگران می گویند تخمیر نیشکر با کمک موج های مغناطیسی، سبب شده که میزان تولید این گونه سوخت ها افزایش یافته و کل این پروسه، 17 درصد سریع تر صورت گیرد. به گزارش مت مک گراث، گوش کنید:

Many countries around the world are trying to reduce their dependence on oil by emulating Brazil where bio ethanol provides about 30% of automobile fuel. But the process of making bio ethanol by fermenting sugar cane is time-consuming, inefficient and expensive.
Now a team of researchers at Brazil's State University of Campinas say they have found a way of improving the production process by using extremely low frequency magnetic waves. The team attached two electromagnetic generators to a vat containing a mixture of yeast and sugar cane. They found that the production of ethanol increased by 17% and it speeded up the time required to produce the fuel by two hours.
The scientists involved are unsure as to how exactly the process works but they believe that the magnets stimulate the yeast and make it work faster and more intensely. They believe their discovery can be easily implemented at an industrial scale.
Matt McGrath, BBC

emulating
تقلید

bio ethanol
الکل اتیلیکی که منشأ گیاهی دارد و عمدتا از طریق تخمیر شکر بدست می آید

fermenting
تخمیر

low frequency magnetic waves
امواج مغناطیسی با فرکانس پائین

electromagnetic
الکترومغناطیسی

a vat
یک بشکه، یک خمره

yeast
مخمر، خمیرترش

speeded up the time required
مدت لازم را کاهش داد

unsure
نامطمئن

implemented
به اجرا درآمد

nino

2007/9/22, 02:15 PM

Fed to stop bad lending practices

http://www.bbc.co.uk/f/t.gifhttp://www.bbc.co.uk/worldservice/images/2007/09/20070921125056us_interest_rates_203x152.jpg
منبع: بانک مرکزی آمریکا
در جریان بحران وام مسکن در آمریکا، هزاران آمریکایی خانه های خود را از دست داده و وام دهندگان بیکار شده اند. بن برنانکه، رئیس بانک مرکزی آمریکا می گوید برای متوقف کردن ضبط خانه های مردم و جلوگیری از رکود اقتصادی، باید اقداماتی صورت گیرد. به گزارش ونسا هینی، گوش گنید:

With repossessions at a record high and late mortgage payments continuing to soar across the United States, the Federal Reserve Chairman, Ben Bernanke, warned that the situation would get worse, as many borrowers face their first interest rate adjustments. He said thousands of homeowners would be unable to make their increased mortgage payments and were expected to default.
But he offered his assurances that regulators would take steps to curb the
economic fallout related to the mortgage crisis. Testifying before Congress, he promised that the Federal Reserve would also crack down on abusive, or bad lending practices.
The US treasury Secretary, Henry Paulson, said that mortgage documents would be simplified, to prevent important information getting buried in the complicated small print.
These comments come two days after the Federal Reserve cut interest rates, to assist the ailing US housing market and prevent the world's biggest economy from falling into recession.
Vanessa Heaney, BBC News, Washington

repossessions
پس گرفتن ها ، ضبط ها

face their first interest rate adjustments
با اولین مورد تعدیل نرخ بهره مواجهند

expected to default
در اینجا: انتظار می رود قادر به بازپرداخت وامشان نباشند

offered his assurances
او اطمینان داد

take steps
will take steps اقداماتی به عمل خواهد آورد

curb the economic fallout
پی آمدهای منفی اقتصادی ( بحران وام مسکن) را مهار کند

crack down on
جلوی .....را گرفتن، سرکوب کردن...

buried in the complicated small print
پنهان شده در جزییات پیچیده مندرج در یک سند، که غالبا با حروفی کوچک تر از بقیه متن سند، چاپ شده

ailing
بیمار، در وضعیت و شرایط بد قرار داشتن

falling into recession
وارد دوره رکود اقتصادی شدن، دچار رکود اقتصادی شدن

oxision

2007/10/13, 01:23 PM

It's not difficult. To make a woman happy you only need to be :

1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a sister
7. a master

8. a chef
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a ***ologist
15. gynaecologist
16. a psychologist

17.an electrician
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organiser
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. galant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO :

44. give her compliments regularly
45. love shopping
46. be honest
47. be very rich
48. not stress he out
49. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO

50. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
51. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
52. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT :

53. to never forget :
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes

Unfortunately, even if you keep to all these rules, her happiness is NOT guaranteed.

oxision

2007/10/13, 01:23 PM

TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY :

1. Sh*g him
2. Leave him in peace !

i wish the best for you!

sara_hyperactive

2007/10/20, 10:43 PM

The history of the English language really started with the arrival of three Germanic tribes who invaded Britain during the 5th century AD. These tribes, the Angles, the Saxons and the Jutes, crossed the North Sea from what today is Denmark and northern Germany

A short history of the origins and development of the English language
The history of the English language really started with the arrival of three Germanic tribes who invaded Britain during the 5th century AD. These tribes, the Angles, the Saxons and the Jutes, crossed the North Sea from what today is Denmark and northern Germany. At that time the inhabitants of Britain spoke a Celtic language. But most of the Celtic speakers were pushed west and north by the invaders—mainly into what is now Wales, Scotland and Ireland. The Angles came from Englaland and their language was called Englisc—from which the words England and English are derived.

Germanic invaders entered Britain on the east and south coasts in the 5th century.

Old English (450-1100 AD)
The invading Germanic tribes spoke similar languages, which in Britain developed into what we now call Old English. Old English did not sound or look like English today. Native English speakers now would have great difficulty understanding Old English. Nevertheless, about half of the most commonly used words in Modern English have Old English roots. The words be, strong and water, for example, derive from Old English. Old English was spoken until around 1100.
Part of Beowulf, a poem written in Old English.
Middle English (1100-1500)
In 1066 William the Conqueror, the Duke of Normandy (part of modern France), invaded and conquered England. The new conquerors (called the Normans) brought with them a kind of French, which became the language of the Royal Court, and the ruling and business classes. For a period there was a kind of linguistic class division, where the lower classes spoke English and the upper classes spoke French. In the 14th century English became dominant in Britain again, but with many French words added. This language is called Middle English. It was the language of the great poet Chaucer (c1340-1400), but it would still be difficult for native English speakers to understand today.
An example of Middle English by Chaucer.

Modern English
Early Modern English (1500-1800)
Towards the end of Middle English, a sudden and distinct change in pronunciation (the Great Vowel Shift) started, with vowels being pronounced shorter and shorter. From the 16th century the British had contact with many peoples from around the world. This, and the Renaissance of Classical learning, meant that many new words and phrases entered the language. The invention of printing also meant that there was now a common language in print. Books became cheaper and more people learned to read. Printing also brought standardization to English. Spelling and grammar became fixed, and the dialect of London, where most publishing houses were, became the standard. In 1604 the first English dictionary was published.

Hamlet's famous "To be, or not to be" lines, written in Early Modern English by Shakespeare.

Late Modern English (1800-Present)
The main difference between Early Modern English and Late Modern English is vocabulary. Late Modern English has many more words, arising from two principal factors: firstly, the Industrial Revolution and technology created a need for new words; secondly, the British Empire at its height covered one quarter of the earth's surface, and the English language adopted foreign words from many countries.

Varieties of English
From around 1600, the English colonization of North America resulted in the creation of a distinct American variety of English. Some English pronunciations and words "froze" when they reached America. In some ways, American English is more like the English of Shakespeare than modern British English is. Some expressions that the British call "Americanisms" are in fact original British expressions that were preserved in the colonies while lost for a time in Britain (for example trash for rubbish, loan as a verb instead of lend, and fall for autumn; another example, frame-up, was re-imported into Britain through Hollywood gangster movies). Spanish also had an influence on American English (and subsequently British English), with words like canyon, ranch, stampede and vigilante being examples of Spanish words that entered English through the settlement of the American West. French words (through Louisiana) and West African words (through the slave trade) also influenced American English (and so, to an extent, British English).

Today, American English is particularly influential, due to the USA's dominance of cinema, television, popular music, trade and technology (including the Internet). But there are many other varieties of English around the world, including for example Australian English, New Zealand English, Canadian English, South African English, Indian English and Caribbean English.

source: www.englishclub.com (http://www.englishclub.com)

مریم راد

2007/10/27, 01:09 PM

When A Boy..

When a BOY is quiet,
He has nothing to say.....

When a BOY is not arguing,
He is not in mood of arguing.....

When a BOY looks at u with eyes full of questions,
He is really confused......

When a BOY answers "I'm fine" after a few seconds,
He is actually fine......

When a BOY stares at you,
He is either amazed or angry.....

When a BOY lays in your lap,
He is wishing for you to be hers forever.....

When a BOY calls you everyday,
He is spending alot of talk time to get your attention...

When a BOY sms's u everyday,
He is forwarding them....

When a BOY says I love u ,
It's not the first time...

When a BOY says that she can't live without you,
He has made up his mind that you are his for at least a week....

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

When A Girl..

When a GIRL is quiet,
Millions of things are running in her mind.

When a GIRL is not arguing,
She is thinking deeply.

When a GIRL looks at u with eyes full of questions,
She is wondering how long you will be around.

When a GIRL answers "I'm fine" after a few seconds,
She is not at all fine.

When a GIRL stares at you,
She is wondering why you are lying.

When a GIRL lays on your chest,
She is wishing for you to be hers forever

When a GIRL calls you everyday,
She is seeking for your attention.

When a GIRL sms's u everyday,
She wants you to reply at least once.

When a GIRL says I love u ,
She means it.

When a GIRL says that she can't live without you,
She has made up her mind that you are her future.

When a GIRL says "I miss you",
No one in this world can miss you more than hers

gordafarin

2008/1/19, 07:25 PM

http://www.freemag.ir/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/palm.jpg (http://www.freemag.ir/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/palm.jpg)

Per Hogseth

Palmistry | ISBN: N/A | PDF | 1,13 Mb | 146 Pages | 2007 Year

Some believe that the human hand is an unsurpassed tool for character and emotional analysis, holding vital keys to one’s path to power, success, romance, and fulfillment. Combining Western astrological palmistry with Chinese hand analysis, this captivating instructional guide outlines a quick and accurate method to assess talents, abilities, psychology, and emotional personality in both business and romance. Fully illustrated, with quick pointers and distinct section dividers, the book is a handy reference for any aspiring palmist.

mary27

2008/3/17, 03:36 PM

Hi everyone, :gol: I jus wanted to share some good famous quotes I had read for myself with u guys, some of them are real good, specially if ur situation sort of matches with what it says, it can even help u if u always remember them, especially for students that sometimes feel like ginivng up! :smile:hope u enjoy them:gol::

"Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get. "
Dale Carnegie

"In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure. "
Bill Cosby

"Failure is success if we learn from it. "
Malcolm Forbes

" An optimistic dream is a seed that grows into a tree of success."

" If you change your mind, you can change your life."

"Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible and achieves the impossible."

"Don't be afraid your life will end; be afraid that it will never begin."

and now the best one for me personally:

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us."
Helen Keller

if anyone else has good quotes, I'd be happy if they share it with us under this new thread
thanx...

PersiaN_PulsE

2008/3/22, 03:28 AM

hey guys

Thats a paper about AIR POLLUTION IN MEGA CITIES that I had written it by myself think of maybe useful for U too,wana have it as a lecture in ur class or sth like that as i had done it before in my english class.have fun

mary27

2008/3/22, 07:20 PM

Hey Pezhman!
first of all thanx for sharing ur thoughts and writings with us! I actually read ur writing jus for fun and found it a good one! I think u had provided pretty good solutions, and about the first one, they've actually done this if u have ever seen those van taxies called Delica, which carries about 10 ppl at once! thats close to what u meant! BUT personally I didn't find them ok! its a real pain to get off of them most of the time!
I don know whether it was an essay u were supposed to submit or jus a printed copy of a lecture u have had, but jus as a friend of urs I'd like to tell u to have an eye on ur punctuations! there are so so few commas, semicolons and other punctuations like these in ur writing while in some spots there's actually a need to put them! now in ur writing u have got lots of run-on sentences and sometimes ur sentences go all together following one another without a pause! but if u put correct punctuations on their places the reader would know where to take a break, where to pause, where a new thought starts,...etc
but overall u did a good job! so keep it up!!! ;)

mary27

2008/3/25, 08:01 PM

Heyyy
oh well, ur wecome! thats all I could have done!:redface:
ok yeah I could guess by myself too that this must have been just a lecture u have had and thats why I asked about it first!
right, they did as u wish, so why didn't u mention the fact that u're more than just an industrial engineer!? ;) u better start writing more about solutions to other problems we have, maybe u're the one who's gonna save iran and put it back in the track, huh?!:);) we never know....
and here's a sociological journal I had written based on an article I had read; don know if u're familiar with journal writing at all. its pretty short, but I loved the topic! wished u could have read the article for urself! it was so interesting!

امیر Amir

2008/3/28, 02:21 PM

Snorkeling teen finds shark tooth

Thu Mar 27, 6:40 PM ET

PORT HURON, Mich. - David Wentz was snorkeling off Marysville Beach in the St. Clair River last August when what he thought was an odd-looking rock caught his eye. "I didn't know what to think," the 16-year-old Port Huron resident said. ADVERTISEMENT

His father, Craig, said he knew right away what it was due to hours of watching the Discovery Channel.

"It's a shark tooth," Craig Wentz said. "It's petrified. It's rock."

Michigan State University paleontologist Michael Gottfried told the Times Herald of Port Huron that the 3-inch long tooth comes from an extinct species called Carcharodon megalodon, or the "megatooth" shark.

The megalodon, which went extinct 2 million years ago, was larger than any building in Port Huron, reaching lengths of more than 60 feet. By comparison, Great White sharks generally are about 20 feet long.

The megatooth shark ate about 1,500 pounds of food a day, mostly feeding on whales and other large marine creatures.

Gottfried doesn't think the tooth is from a shark that may have been in the Great Lakes region during two different prehistoric eras, dating back from a half-million years to 300 to 400 million years ago, when it was a "shallow marine environment" filled with sharks, whales and other aquatic life.

"I suspect that it was probably carried and dropped by a human inhabitant of the region, either in recent historical times, or perhaps by earlier native people in this area," he said.

"I can't say just how it came to be in the St. Clair River, but I can assure you that there aren't any sharks with 3-inch teeth living there now."

___

Information from: Times Herald, http://www.thetimesherald.com

nino

2008/3/28, 07:49 PM

Women's Studies to end in UK universities

http://www.bbc.co.uk/f/t.gifhttp://www.bbc.co.uk/worldservice/images/2008/03/20080326121430graduate_203x152.jpg
عنوان درس: "مطالعات زنان" از رشته های درسی دانشگاه های بریتانیا حذف می شود رشته درسی "مطالعات زنان" از تابستان امسال از رشته های درسی دوره لیسانس دانشگاه های بریتانیا حذف می شود. این رشته درسی که به دنبال جنبش های فمینیستی دهه 1960، طرفداران زیادی پیدا کرده بود به تدریج اهمیت خود را از دست داده است.

London's Metropolitan University stopped taking new students for its undergraduate degree in Women's Studies in 2005 and the last 12 students will graduate with a BA in the subject this July.
Its demise follows that of other Women's Studies departments across Britain that have lost both funding and students or been merged into other disciplines.
Critics say the subject was a product of its time and that the feminist arguments of the 1970s no longer apply. It became the butt of many a joke in the mainstream media and in today's competitive job market students steer clear, preferring degrees that will secure employment.
But all is not lost for the subject. Postgraduate studies will continue in this country and Women's Studies is thriving in many countries such as India and Iran.

demise
افول، پایان

funding
سرمایه، پول، بودجه

been merged into other disciplines
در رشته های درسی دیگر ادغام شده است

a product of its time
چیزی که محصول احتیاج یا شرایط زمان خاصی است ( در دهه 1960 زنان حقوق برابر با مردان نداشتند به همین جهت رشته مطالعات زنان سوژه مناسبی برای تدریس در دانشگاه ها بود)

feminist arguments
استدلال های فمینیستی

the butt of many a joke
سوژه لطیفه های ( جوک های) زیاد قرار گرفتن، به مسخره گرفته شدن

steer clear
فاصله گرفتن از .....

secure employment
will secure employment موجب پیداکردن کار( اشتغال) خواهد شد

all is not lost
همه چیز از دست نرفته، همه چیز منتفی نشده است

is thriving
پر رونق است، موفق است

mary27

2008/4/05, 03:17 PM

"A true intelligent person knows how to pretend to be a fool in front of a fool who pretends to be intelligent."

"Missing someone is not the problem but learning how NOT to miss them is the real problem..."

"Love is like war,
Easy to begin but hard to end."

"He who has a 'why' to live, can bear with almost any 'how'."

"Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down."

"Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome."

MONA_Mirzaeean

2008/4/17, 01:55 PM

I’m so tired of being hear

Suppressed by all my childish fears

And if you have to leave

I wish you would just leave,

Cause your presence still lingers hear

And it won’t leave me alone

These wound won’t seem to heal

This pain is just too real

There’s just too much that time can not erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears

When you scream I'd fight away all of your fears

And I hold your hand through all of these years

But you still have
All of me

You use to captivate me

By you resonating

Now I’m bound by the life you left behind

Your face it haunt

My evanesce pleasant dreams

Your voice is chase me

All the sanity in me

These wound won’t seem to heal

This pain is just too real

There’s just too much that time can not erase…

I’ve tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone

But though you are still with me

I’ve been alone all along

m@ys@m

2008/4/28, 09:50 PM

hello every one
i want just to make you laugh with these jokes and you can post your own jokes to make your friends laugh

Alcohol

A cowboy walks into a saloon bar and orders a large bourbon. Finishing his drink, he turns to the face the guy playing the piano, takes out his gun, shoots the music papers into the air, shoots the guys hat off and finally shoots the lid down trapping the poor guys fingers, before a flash spin with the gun and puts it back in its holster. "Brilliant shooting," says the bartender, "mind if I look at your gun." Another flashy spin brings the gun into the bartenders hands. "Nice tool, but if I were you I would file off the sight, all the rough edges, and where your name is in diamonds on the handle, make it all nice and smooth." "What the hell for?" asks the cowboy. "Well see that piano player," says the bartender, "he is Billy The Kid, and when his hands are better he is going to ram that gun up your ****ing arse"

* * *
A guy walks in a bar and order's two house specials. The barkeep say's were all out of Heineken, would he likes some Bud. The guy say's "Yes". Ten minutes later Bud comes out the bathroom with two full glasses.

* * *
A penguin walks into a bar, goes to the counter and asks the barman "Have you seen my brother?". The barman asks "What does he look like?".

* * *
There was this guy that walked into a bar and ordered a beer. He began to have a conversation with the bartender and he went from one beer to several more. After a couple of hours the man realized that he had to piss. At this point he was falling down drunk. He asked the bartender where the john was and the bartender replied "Down the hall the second door on the right. Whatever you do do not go into the first door on the right." The man then got up and walked down the hall and went into the first door on the right. About ten minutes had passed and the bartender knowing that the basement had been flooded earlier and that the first door on the right was a elevator shaft figured that the man had went through the wrong door. He went to check on the man and coming closer to the first door he could hear the mans yells for help. He opened the door and asked the man if he was all right. The man replied "I am fine. Just don't flush the Toilet!"

* * *
Luke Skywalker and Obi Wan Kenobi walk into a bar.
Luke: "I don't know what to drink!"
Obi Wan: "Use the 4X, Luke."

* * *
There was a bar with a sign that read "Pianist Wanted." A guy walks in there and says "I'm here for the pianist job." The owner says "Well, play us a tune and if you're good enough then you've got the job." He sits down and plays a song that nearly puts the owner in tears. "Oh, what a great song! What's it called?" the manager asks. "It's called, the dog with 2 dicks and my wife's doin my brother!" "Um, that's strange but play us one more tune." The man plays another tune and this time the manager breaks down with tears. "What do you call that song?" he sheepishly asks. "The frog takin a shit and the camel with 3 humps!" he replies. The manager told him that he had the job on one condition: he must not tell the customers the names of the songs he is playing. He started that playing that night. After every song he would get a standing ovation. After about 2 hours he stood up and said "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to take a quick break and I will return in a few moments." So he ducked into the toilets to take a slash. On his way out a man passing said "Hey, do you know your zips undone and your cocks hangin out!" "know it, I wrote it!"

* * *
A man walks into a bar, sits down and orders a Bud. He says "Give me a beer before problems start!" The bartender doesn't understand but gives the man a beer. After 15 minutes the man orders a beer again saying "Give me a beer before problems start!" The bartender looks a little bit confused but pours the man a beer. The goes on the whole night and after the 15th beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man "What do you mean with before problems start, when are you going to pay for the beers you drunk." The man answers "You see right now the problems start!"

* * *
An old Englishman walks into a bar an asks for a bottle of 38 year old wine from Leonne, France. The bartender not wanting to go to the cellar gave the Englishman the closest bottle of wine he has. The Englishman tasted it and said "This wine is only 2 years old and is from Santiago de Chile. "The bartender was amazed, but at the same time curios, so he gave him another bottle. The Englishman goes "This wine is 17 years old and is from San Diego, California." The bartender was so amazed that he gave him another bottle. The Englishman tasted it and said "This wine is 30 years old and is from Lima, Peru. "Finally the bartender goes to the cellar and got the right bottle and gave it to the Englishman. The Englishman said: "Finally, a 38 year old wine from Leonne, France." An old drunk that had been watching goes up to the Englishman and said "Could you please tell me what kind of drink is this" and hands him a cup. The old Englishman tasted and said "What the **** this is piss." And the drunk replied "Yeah I know but could you please tell me from where because I'm so drunk that I don't remember where I live."

* * *
Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a Martini. The bartender says "Olive or Twist?"

* * *
A chicken walks into a bar , looks around and says to the barman "Sorry, wrong joke"

* * *
A guy walks into a bar. With him is a cat and an ostrich. The man says "Get me a Budweiser." The ostrich says "May I have an orange juice?" The bartender nods. Then the cat says: "I'll have a shot of Vodka, but I'm notpaying." They finish their drinks and leave.
The next night, the man walks in with the cat and the ostrich again. The man orders a Bud, the ostrich orders orange juice, and the cat has vodka, but insists on not paying.
The third night that this happens, the bartender is pretty curious. He walks over to the man and says "Tell me, why do you come here everyday with a cat and an ostrich?" The man looks around and says "Well, I was walking home from the bar four nights ago, and I took a short cut through an alley. I found this old lamp, and it had a genie in it. He said 'Son, this is your lucky day. I'm going to grant you one wish' and I wished for a bird with long legs and a tight pussy."

* * *
Two drunks are in a bar.
First one: "My wife is an angel"
Second one: "You are lucky! Mine is still alive."

* * *
An obnoxious drunk stumbles into the front door of a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says "No way buddy you're too drunk."
A few minutes later the drunk comes in throught the bathrooms, again he slurs "Give me a drink." Bartender says "No, man, I told you last time you're too drunk."
Five minutes later the guy comes in throught the back door and orders a drink, again the bartender says "You're too drunk." The drunk scratches his head and says "Damn I must be... the last two places said the same thing."

* * *
Bacon and Eggs walk into a bar. The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast."

* * *
A man walks into a bar, sits down and orders a triple martini. The bartender says "What a coincidence, the only other person at the bar is that beautiful woman at the other end. She is also drinking triple martinis." After a few sips of his drink, the man walks up to the woman and says "Isn't it a coincidence that we are both having the same drink." She replies "Yes! I am here because I am celebrating. After 20 years of trying I am finally pregnant!" "What a coincidence," the man replied, "I am also celebrating. After years of experimenting, I have invented a multicolored chicken." At this, the woman asked "How did you ever accomplish that!?" "I had to try a lot of different cocks," he said. The woman replied "What a coincidence!!!"

* * *
A guy walks into a bar and orders a shot of whisky. He gulps it down and peeks into his shirt pocket. He orders another shot of whisky, gulps it down and peeks into his short pocket. He orders a third shot and does the same thing. After the sixth shot, he asks the bartender for the bill, pays and starts to walk out. Curiosity gets the better of the bartender and he says to the guy "Excuse me, but I noticed that everytime you drank a shot, you kept looking into your pocket. I was wondering what's in your pocket." The guys slurs "Well, I have a picture of my wife in my pocket. I keep drinking until she starts to look good."

* * *
A guy walks into a bar and there's a horse behind the bar serving drinks. The guy is staring at the horse, when the horse says "Hey, buddy? What are you staring at? Haven't you ever seen a horse serving drinks before?" The guy says "No, it's not that... it's just that I never thought the parrot would sell the place."

* * *
A fish walks into a bar and the bartender says: "What do you want?" The fish croaks "Water."

* * *
A guy opens a bar, but he has no name for it. One day he sees a girl named Suzy and he thinks she has nice legs. So he names the bar "Suzy's Legs". The next day, before opening hours, 3 guys are sitting outside of the bar. A cop walks up to them and says "What are you doing?" And one guy turns and says "We're waiting for Suzy's Legs to open so we can go in and get a bite to eat."

m@ys@m

2008/4/28, 09:51 PM

Animals

A young boy, about eight years old, was at the corner "Mom & Pop" grocery picking out a pretty good size box of laundry detergent.

The grocer walked over and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.

"Oh, no laundry," the boy said, "I'm going to wash my dog."

"But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him."

But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog.

About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing.

"Oh, he died," the boy said.

The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was sorry the dog died but added, "I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog."

"Well," the boy replied, "I don't think it was the detergent that killed him."

"Oh? What was it then?"

"I think it was the spin cycle!"

* * *

A bear and a rabbit were having a shit in the woods. The bear says to the rabbit "Don't you hate it when shit gets stuck to your fir?" and the rabbit replies "No, not really." So the bear picks up the rabbit and wipes his butt with it.

* * *

This blind fella is standing at the corner with his seeing eye dog waiting to cross the street, when his pooch lifts his leg and you guessed it, right down the side of his nice herringbone tweed trousers. The guy immediately reaches into his jacket pocket and retrieves a doggie treat which he starts to offer to Fido.

A businessman, who is also waiting to cross the street, observes this happening and interrupts, "None of my business, but are you aware of the fact that your dog just wizzed all down the leg of your pants?"

"Yes, I'm trying to break him of that habit", replies the blind man.

"Well, it's none of my business," retorts the onlooker, "but you're not going to teach him much by rewarding him with a treat!" To which the blind fella chuckles, "Oh I'm not rewarding him. I'm just trying to find his head so I can kick his ass!"

* * *

There's a guy with a Doberman Pinscher and a guy with a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says to the guy with a Chihuahua "Let's go over to that restaurant and get something to eat." The guy with the Chihuahua says "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us." The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says "Just follow my lead." They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the Doberman Pinscher puts on a pair of dark glasses and he starts to walk in. A guy at the door says "Sorry, no pets allowed." The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog." The guy at the door says "A Doberman Pinscher?" He says "Yes, they're using them now, they're very good." The guy at the door says "Come on in." The guy with the Chihuahua figures "What the heck", so he puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in. The guy at the door says "Sorry, no pets allowed." The guy with the Chihuahua says "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog." The guy at the door says "A Chihuahua?" The guy with the Chihuahua says "You mean they gave me a Chihuahua?!"

* * *

A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." The frog says "This is great! Will I meet her at a party or what?" "No," says the psychic, "next term in her biology lesson."

* * *

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking!

A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said "I think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched over the width of the hole and said "Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up." And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.

The moral of the story: If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes to pick up chicks.

* * *

There's two fish in a tank, one says to the other "Do you know how to drive this?"

* * *

There were these two guys out hiking when they came upon an old, abandoned mine shaft. Curious about its depth they threw in a pebble and waited for the sound of it striking the bottom, but they heard nothing. They went and got a bigger rock, threw it in and waited. Still nothing. They searched the area for something larger and came upon a railroad tie. With great difficulty , the two men carried it to the opening and threw it in. While waiting for it to hit bottom, a goat suddenly darted between them and leapt into the hole!

The guys were still standing there with astonished looks upon their faces from the actions of the goat when a man walked up to them. He asked them if they had seen a goat anywhere in the area and they said that one had just jumped into the mine shaft in front of them! The man replied "Oh no, that couldn't be my goat, mine was tied to a railroad tie."

* * *

A guy walks into a petstore. For the past two weeks he has suspected his wife of cheating on him, so he decides to buy a parrot that can tell him what goes on at his housee during the day while he is at work. "Wel,"' says the petstore owner, "I only got one bird that can do that, but he's got no legs." The guy looks at him and says "Well if he ain't got no legs, how's he balance himself on the perch." "He's got a really long penis, so he wraps it around the perch." The guy thinks it over and decides to buy the parrot. He takes it home and sure enough the bird wraps his penis around the perch for balance.

Everyday the man comes home and asks the parrot if his wife has been cheating on him. Everytime the same answer "Raawk, nothing doing, Raawk". One day he comes home and finds the parrot lying on the bottom of its birdcage. He picks it up and asks what has happened. "Raawk, big happenings, Raawk, big happenings." "What happened?" asks the man. The parrot responds "Raawk, first your best friend came over, Raawk, then your wife made him breakfast, raawk, then they started kissing, raawk, then your wife took off her shirt." "And then what happens?!" asks the man really upset. "Raawk, I don't know, thats when I got a woody and fell off my perch!"

* * *

A penguin was driving through the desert when his car broke down. He waddled to the nearest phone to call the AA. His car was quickly towed to the nearest garage where the mechanic told him he would need a couple of hours to check out the car. The penguin, being a good natured bird, didn't complain but wandered off to find the closest supermarket. He proceeded to the frozen foods section and hung out near the fish sticks. After an hour he got in the freezer next to the vanilla ice cream and ate several gallons. Then he saw the time and went back to the garage covered in ice cream. The mechanic walked over to him wiping his hands and shaking his head saying "It looks like you blew a seal." Blushing, the penguin said "Oh, no! It's just ice cream."

* * *

Two neighbors had been fighting each other for nigh on four decades. Bob buys a Great Dane and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard. For one whole year Bill ignores the dog. Bob buys a cow and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard. After about a year and a half of Bob's cow crapping in Bill's yard; being ignored all the while, a semi pulls up in front of Bill's house. Bob runs over and demands to know what's in the 18-wheeler. "My new pet elephant" Bill replies solemly.

* * *

A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside. "What's going on?" she yells out the window. "Cow on the track!" replies the conductor. Ten minutes later the train resumes its slow pace. Within five minutes, however, it stops again. The woman sees the same conductor walk again. She leans out the window and yells "What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again?"

* * *

A man was in a hurry to board the airplane and didn't have time to do the paperwork to get his little doggie on board. So the man stashed the puppy down the front of his pants and sneaked him on the plane. About 30 minutes into the flight a stewardess noticed that the man was squirming in his seat.

Stewardess: "Are you OK, mister?"

Man: "Yes, I'm fine."

Time went by and again the stewardess noticed strange movements.

Stewardess: "Are you sure you're all right, sir?"

Man: "Yes, but I have a confession to make. I didn't have time to do the paperwork to bring my puppy on board, so I hid him down the front of my pants."

Stewardess: "I see. Well, as long as he's housebroken, I guess it will be OK."

Man: "Oh, he's housebroken. The problem is, he's not weaned yet!"

* * *

A fly buzzing around a barn one day when he happened on a pile of fresh cow manure. Due to the fact that it had been hours since his last meal, he flew down and began to eat. He ate and ate and ate. Finally, he decided he had eaten enough and tried to fly away. He had eaten too much though and could not get off the ground. As he looked around wondering what to do now, he spotted a pitchfork leaning up against the wall. He climbed to the top of the handle and jumped off, thinking that once he got airborne, he would be able to take flight. Unfortunately he was wrong and dropped like a rock, splatting when he hit the floor.

The moral to the story is: Never fly off the handle when you're full of shit.

* * *

A man was on holiday in the depths of Louisiana, where he tried to buy some Alligator shoes. However he was not prepared to pay the high prices and after having failed to haggle the vendor down to a reasonable price level, ended up shouting "I don't give two hoots for your shoes, man, I'll go and kill my own croc!" to which the shopkeeper replied "By all means, just watch out for those two "ole boys" who are doing the same!".

The man went out into the Bayou and after a while saw two men with spears, standing still in the water. "They must be the 'ole boys' he thought. Just at that point he noticed an alligator moving in the water towards one of them. The guy stood completely passive, even as the gator came ever closer. Just as the beast was about to swallow the him, he struck home with his spear and wrestled the gator up onto the beach, where several already laying. Together the two guys threw the gator onto its back, where-upon one exclaimed "Darn! This one doesn't have any shoes either!".

* * *

There's a fella with a parrot. And the parrot swears like a sailor, an absolute pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy. One day, it gets to be too much. The guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him hard and yells "QUIT IT!" But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever. Then the guy gets mad and says "OK for you." He locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of vulgarities that would make a veteran sailor blush. At this point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws, and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets very, very quiet. At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's worried enough to open the freezer door. The bird calmly climbs onto the man's outstretched arm and says "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on." The man is astounded. He can't understand the transformation that has come over the parrot. Then the parrot says "By the way, what did that chicken do to you?"

* * *

A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says "The parrot to the left costs 500 dollars". "Why does the parrot cost so much?" the customer asks. The owner says "It knows how to use a computer." The customer asks about the next parrot and is told "That one costs 1,000 dollars because it can do everything the other parrot can do plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system." Naturally, the increasingly startled man asks about the third parrot and is told "That one costs 2,000 dollars." Needless to say this begs the question "What can it do?!" The owner replies "To be honest I have never seen it do a thing but the other two call him boss!"

m@ys@m

2008/4/28, 09:52 PM

Art

A fool-proof method for sculpting an elephant: get a huge block of marble, then you chip away everything that doesn't look like an elephant.

* * *

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time. "I have good news and bad news," the owner replied, "the good news is that a gentleman enquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings." "That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed, "what's the bad news?" "The guy was your doctor..."

* * *

An artist had been working on a **** portrait for a long time. Every day he was up early and worked late - bringing perfection with every stroke of his paint brush. As each day passed, he gained a better understanding of the female body and was able to really make his paintings shine.

After a month, the artist had become very weary from this non-stop effort and decided to take it easy for the day. Since his model had already shown up, he suggested they merely have a glass of wine and talk - since normally he preferred to do his painting in silence.

They talked for a few hours, getting to know each other better. Then as they were sipping their claret, the artist heard a car arriving outside. He jumped up and said "Oh, no! It's my wife! Quick, take off your clothes!"

Top (http://www.iran-eng.com/#Top)

Q&A

Q: How many artists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Ten. One to change it and nine to reassure him about how good it looks.

* * *

Q: How many modern artists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four. One to throw bulbs against the wall, one to pile hundreds of them in a heap and spray-paint it orange, one to glue light bulbs to a cocker spaniel and one to put a bulb in the socket and fill the room with light while all the critics and buyers are watching the fellow smashing the bulbs against the wall, the fellow with the spray-gun and the cocker spaniel.

* * *

Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
A1: Two. One to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.
A2: Two. One to change it and one to throw a bucket of water out the window.

* * *

Q: How many visitors to an art gallery does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Two. One to do it and one to say "Huh! My four-year old could've done that!"

m@ys@m

2008/4/28, 09:54 PM

Blonde

A blonde goes over to the deodorant display and tells the clerk "I need to buy some deodorant for my husband." "Does he use the ball kind?" inquired the clerk. "No," replied the blonde, "the kind for under his arms."

* * *

A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.
Cop: "Do you know where you were going?"
Blonde: "No, but wherever it is, it must be bad 'cause all the people were leaving."

* * *

This blonde and her boyfriend were sitting in a hot tub when the blonde said to her boyfriend "Is it true that if you pull your finger out, I'll sink?"

* * *

Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger.
Blonde#1: "I can't seem to get this door unlocked!"
Blonde#2: "Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain and the top is down!"

* * *

Did you hear about the blonde that went to library and checked out a book called "How to Hug"? Got back to the dorm and found out it was volume seven of the encyclopaedia...

* * *

A blonde's response to the comment "Think about it!" - "I don't have to think, I'm blonde!"

* * *

A government study has shown that blondes do have more fun - they just don't remember who with.

* * *

Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat. The driver blonde turned to her friend and said "You know - it's blondes like that that give us a bad name!" To this the other blonde replied "I know it and if I knew how to swim I'd go out there and drown her."

* * *

Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them decides to call 911:
Blonde: "We need help. We're three blondes changing a light bulb."
Operator: "Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb?"
Blonde: "Yes."
Operator: "The power in the house in on?"
Blonde: "Of course."
Operator: "And the switch is on?"
Blonde: "Yes, yes."
Operator: "And the bulb still won't light up?"
Blonde: "No, it's working fine."
Operator: "Then what's the problem?"
Blonde: "We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and we all fell and hurt ourselves. "

* * *

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the bartender:
Brunette: "I'll have a B and C."
Bartender:"What is a B and C?"
Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."
Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T."
Bartender: "What's a G and T?"
Redhead: "Gin and tonic."
Blonde: "I'll have a 15."
Bartender: "What's a 15?"
Blonde: "7 and 7"

* * *

Two brunettes and a blonde are in the hospital awaiting the arrival of their first children.

1st brunette: "I just know I'm going to have a girl, 'cuz I conceived while I was on my back".

2nd brunette: "Mine's going to be a boy, 'cuz I was on top during conception".

Blonde: "Uh-oh! I'm going to have a puppy!"

* * *

A blonde and a brunette were talking one day. The brunette said that her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him "Head and Shoulders" and it cleared it up. The blonde asked inquisitively "How do you give shoulders?"

* * *

Teller: "Why did the blonde move to L.A.?"
Blonde: "I don't know. Why?"
Teller: "It was easier to spell."
Blonde: "Easier than what?"

* * *

A blonde and a brunette are sky-diving. The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord - nothing happens. She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing. The blonde jumps out of the plane and yells "Oh! So you wanna race, huh?"

* * *

A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". After thinking for a minute, she said to herself "Oh, well!" and turned around an drove home.
On her way home she drove past another sign that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES". By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.

* * *

A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette says suddenly "Awww, look at the dead birdie". The blonde stops, looks up and says "Where?"

* * *

I told my blonde girlfriend that I was going skeet shooting. She told me she didn't know how to cook them.

* * *

What about the blonde who gave birth to twins? Her husband is out looking for the other man.

* * *

A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it and yelled out "Green side up!" In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "Green side up!" The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "Green side up!" The lady asked him "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?" "I'm sorry," came the reply, "but I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.

* * *

A cop stops a blonde woman who was driving down a motorway.

Cop: "Miss, may I see your driver's licence please?"

Blonde: "Driver's licence? What's that?..."

Cop: "It's a little card with your picture on it."

Blonde: "Oh, duh! Here it is..."

Cop: "May I have your car insurance?"

Blonde: "What's that?..."

Cop: "It's a document that says you are allowed to drive the car."

Blonde: "Oh, this? Duh! Here you go..."

The cop then takes his dick out of his pants, while the blonde exclaims:"Oh no, not another breathalyzer test!"

* * *

A blonde and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends.

Brunette: Last night I had three orgasms in a row!

Blonde: That's nothing, last night I had over a hundred.

Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that good.

Blonde: (shocked ) Oh, you mean with one guy.

m@ys@m

2008/4/28, 09:55 PM

Business

A businessman tells his friend that his company is looking for a new accountant. His friend asks, "Didn't your company hire a new accountant a few weeks ago?" The businessman replies "That's the accountant we're looking for."

* * *

Theory is when you know everything and nothing is working. Organization is when nothing is working and everyone knows why. Practice is when everything is working and no one knows why.

* * *

Two guys are talking while sitting on a bench in the park. "All of my ancestors followed the medical profession." said the first. "Doctors?" queried the second. "Nope. Undertakers and lawyers."

* * *

Rule for Managers: If a subordinate asks you a pertinent question, look at him as if he had lost his senses. When he looks down, paraphrase the question back at him.

* * *

The manager was very angry with this beginner who wanted a very high salary. He asked him why he wanted so much money whereas he had no experience. The beginner replied "Work is very difficult when you are a beginner. It becomes easier as you get experience."

* * *

The new employee stood before the paper shredder looking confused. "Need some help?" a secretary, walking by, asked. "Yes," he replied, "how does this thing work?" "Simple," she said, taking the fat report from his hand and feeding it into the shredder. "Thanks, but where do the copies come out?"

* * *

Christopher Columbus was the best deal maker in history. He left not knowing where he was going, and upon arriving, not knowing where he was. He returned not knowing where he had been, and did it all on borrowed money.

* * *

Innkeeper: "The room is $15 a night. It's $5 if you make your own bed."

Guest: "I'll make my own bed."

Innkeeper: "Good. I'll get you some nails and wood."

* * *

Life Insurance Agent: "Don't let me frighten you into a decision. Sleep on it tonight and if you wake up in the morning, let me know what you think."

* * *

An accountant is someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing.

* * *

Old accountants never die. They just lose their balance.

* * *

My accountant told me that the only reason why my business is looking up is that it's flat on it's back.

* * *

A worker was called on the carpet by his supervisor for talking back to his foreman.

Supervisor: "Is it true that you called him a liar?"
Worker: "Yes, I did."
Supervisor: "Did you call him stupid?"
Worker: "Yes."
Supervisor: "And did you call him an opinionated, bullheaded egomaniac?"
Worker: "No, but would you write that down so I can remember it?"

* * *

"What time does the library open?" the man on the phone asked. "Nine A.M." came the reply. "And what's the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?" "Not until nine A.M.?" the man asked in a disappointed voice. "No, not till nine A.M.!" the librarian said. "Why do you want to get in before nine A.M.?" "Who said I wanted to get in?" the man sighed sadly. "I want to get out."

* * *

A plumber was called to fix a pipe. He arrived, banged on the pipes for 15 minutes, and said to the homeowner well that'll be $35. The homeownersaid "Thirty five dollars!!! Why that's $140 per hour!!! I'm a lawyer and I only make $100 an hour!!!" The plumber replied "Yeah, that's what I got when I was a lawyer."

* * *

A bald man took a seat in a beauty shop. "How can I help you?" asked the stylist. "I went for a hair transplant" the guy explained, "but I couldn't stand the pain. If you can make my hair look like yours without causing me any discomfort, I'll pay you $5000." "No problem," said the stylist and she quickly shaved her head.

* * *

A man had dreamt all his life of going to Rome. He told his friend, the local barber, all about it one day while having his hair cut.

Barber: "How will you get there?"

Man: "I'm going on Alitalia."

Barber: "No-not them, they have a terrible reputation. Where will you stay?"

Man: "At the Rome Hilton."

Barber: "Forget it, I hear their hotel there is abysmal. When you get there what will you do?"

Man: "Why, I'm going to see the Pope."

Barber: "Come on. Who are you? You're not famous or well-known. Don't be ridiculous!"

A month later the man returned to get his hair cut again.

Barber: "So, you never got to Rome, did you?"

Man: "Oh, yes, I did! Alitalia was a wonderful airline. And the Hilton hotel was magnificent. And I did get to see the Pope."

Barber: "Well, what happened?"

Man: "I bent down to kiss the Pope's ring."

Barber: "You're kidding! What did he say?"

Man: "He looked at me and said, `Son, where did you get that lousy haircut?'"

* * *

The village blacksmith finally found an apprentice willing to work hard at low pay for long hours. The blacksmith immediately began his instructions to the lad "When I take the shoe out of the fire, I'll lay it on the anvil; and when I nod my head, you hit it with this hammer." The apprentice did just as he told. Now he's the village blacksmith.

* * *

An applicant was asked if he was familiar with any machines. He said "Four." "That's great. What are the four machines?" He said "Coke, coffee, candy, and cigarette."

* * *

The personnel manager was impressing the applicant with the prospective job. "We make parts for microscopes. You'll be required to work with lenses that are ten-thousandths of an inch thick." "I can handle it," the applicant said, "I used to slice meat in a delicatessen."

m@ys@m

2008/4/28, 09:57 PM

Computer

A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Departmental Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside. The car's occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do?

Departmental Manager: "Let's have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way."

Hardware Engineer: "No, that will take far too long and besides, that method has never worked before. I've got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the car's braking system, isolate the fault, fix it and we can be on our way."

Software Engineer: "Before we do anything, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again."

* * *

A system programmer came home from work almost at dawn and told his wife enthusiastically: "Tonight I have installed a new release of MVS/ESA together with VM/CMS and CICS/VS".

"G.O.O.D" answered his wife.

* * *

The Programmers' Cheer: "Shift to the left, shift to the right! Pop up, push down, byte, byte, byte!"

* * *

"Have you heard about the object-orieented way to become wealthy?"
"No..."
"Inheritance."

* * *

If you can touch it and you can see it, it's REAL.
If you can touch it but you can't see it, it's TRANSPARENT.
If you can't touch it but you can see it, it's VIRTUAL.
If you can't touch it and you can't see it, it's GONE.

* * *

If you can pick it up, it's a PC.
If you can't pick it up but you can push it over, it's a minicomputer.
But when you can't pick it up or knock it over, it's a mainframe.

* * *

Once a programmer drowned in the sea. Many Marines where at that time on the beach, but the programmer was shouting "F1!!! F1!!!" and nobody understood it.

* * *

Jack was a COBOL programmer in the mid to late 1990s. After years of being taken for granted and treated as a technological dinosaur by all the Client/Server programmers and website developers, he was finally getting some respect. He'd become a private consultant specializing in Year 2000 conversions.

Several years of this relentless, mind-numbing work had taken its toll on Jack. He began having anxiety dreams about the Year 2000. All he could think about was how he could avoid the year 2000 and all that came with it.

Jack decided to contact a company that specialized in cryogenics. He made a deal to have himself frozen until March 15th, 2000. The next thing he would know is he'd wake up in the year 2000; after the New Year celebrations and computer debacles; after the leap day. Nothing else to worry about except getting on with his life.

He was put into his cryogenic receptacle, the technicians set the revive date, he was given injections to slow his heartbeat to a bare minimum and that was that.

The next thing that Jack saw was an enormous and very modern room filled with excited people. They were all shouting "I can't believe it!" and "It's a miracle!" and "He's alive!". There were cameras (unlike any he'd ever seen) and equipment that looked like it came out of a science fiction movie.

Someone who was obviously a spokesperson for the group stepped forward. Jack couldn't contain his enthusiasm. "Is it over?" he asked. "Is the year 2000 already here? Are all the millennial parties and promotions, and crises all over and done with?"

The spokesman explained that there had been a problem with the programming of the timer on Jack's cryogenic receptacle, it hadn't been year 2000 compliant. It was actually eight thousand years later, not the year 2000. Technology had advanced to such a degree that everyone had virtual reality interfaces which allowed them to contact anyone else on the planet.

"That sounds terrific," said Jack. "But I'm curious. Why is everybody so interested in me?"

"Well," said the spokesman. "The year 10000 is just around the corner and it says in your files that you know COBOL".

* * *

Dear Boss,

I hope I haven't misunderstood your instructions. Because to be honest, boss, none of this Y to K dates problem makes any sense to me.

At any rate I have finished converting all the months on all the company calendars so that the year 2000 is ready to go with the following improved months: Januark, Februark, Mak, Julk.

In addition, I have changed the days of the week, and they are now: Sundak, Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak, Thursdak, Fridak and Saturdak.

Is it enough, or should I change any other Y to K? I am a fan of the New York Yankees. Should I call them New Kork Kankees in order to be Y2K ready?

* * *

APL is a write-only language.

* * *

In C we had to code our own bugs. In C++ we can inherit them.

* * *

C gives you enough rope to hang yourself. C++ also gives you the tree object to tie it to.

* * *

A computer without COBOL and Fortran is like a piece of chocolate cake without ketchup and mustard.

* * *

PL/I is for programmers who can't decide whether to write in COBOL or Fortran.

* * *

There are three kinds of lies: Lies, damned lies, benchmarks.

* * *

A grade school teacher was asking his pupils what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you be first. What does your mother do all day?"

Tim stood up and proudly said "She's a doctor."

"That's wonderful. How about you, Amy?"

Amy shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said "My father is a mailman."

"Thank you, Amy" said the teacher. "What does your parent do, Billy?"

Billy proudly stood up and announced "My daddy plays piano in a whorehouse."

The teacher was aghast and went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and demanded an explanation. Billy's dad said "I'm actually a system programmer specializing in TCP/IP communication protocol on UNIX systems. How can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"

* * *

Unix is user friendly. It's just very particular about who it's friends are.

* * *

A programmer was walking along the beach when he found a lamp. Upon rubbing the lamp a genie appeared who stated "I am the most powerful genie in the world. I can grant you any wish you want, but only one wish."

The programmer pulled out a map of the Mediterranean area and said "I'd like there to be a just and last peace among the people in the middle east."

Genie: "Gee, I don't know. Those people have been fighting since the beginning of time. I can do just about anything, but this is beyond my limits."

Programmer: "Well, I am a programmer and my programs have a lot of users. Please make all the users satisfied with my programs and let them ask sensible changes."

Genie: "Uh, let me see that map again."

m@ys@m

2008/4/28, 09:58 PM

Driving

One day, two guys decide to take a drive to a local grocery store to get some lunch. On the way to the store they ran into an intersection with a stoplight. The light showed red. The man driving went right through the red light. The passenger looked at the driver and screamed, "What the heck are you doing? You're going to get us killed!" Then the driver responded, "Don't worry, my mother allways drives like this."

So later on, the two guys came to another stoplight and that too was red. The driver sped right through the light. Again the passenger looked at the driver and said, "I thought I told you, you're gonna get us killed! Would you please stop this nonsense!" The driver looked at the passenger and responded, "All right! I get it but I told you My mother drives like this all the time!"

Again, the two guys ran into another light. This time in was green. The Driver slammed on his breaks and stopped the car totally. "What the hell are you doing?" The passenger screamed. "This is the third time you almost got us killed. Why did you stop at a green light?" "Well, my mother might be coming the other way!" the driver said.

* * *

A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over.

The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked "Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair - there were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?"

"Ever go fishing?" the policeman suddenly asked the man.

"Ummm, yeah..." the startled man replied.

The officer grinned and added "Ever catch all the fish?"

* * *

A man decided that he was going to ride a 10-speed bike from Phoenix to Flagstaff. He got as far as Black Canyon City before the mountains just became too much and he could go no farther. He stuck his thumb out, but after 3 hours hadn't gotten a single person to stop. Finally, a guy in a Corvette pulled over and offered him a ride. Of course, the bike wouldn't fit in the car. The owner of the Corvette found a piece of rope lying by the highway and tied it to his bumper. He tied the other end to the bike and told the man that if he was going too fast, to honk the horn on his bike and that he would slow down. Everything went fine for the first 30 miles. Suddenly, another Corvette blew past them. Not to be outdone, the Corvette pulling the bike took off after the other. A short distance down the road, the Corvettes, both going well over 120 mph, blew through a speed trap. The police officer noted the speeds from his radar gun and radioed to the other officer that he had two Corvettes headed his way at over 120 mph. He then relayed, "...and you're not going to believe this, but there's guy on a 10 speed bike honking to pass."

* * *

A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said to him "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your bible a little and get your hair cut, then we will talk about it"

A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said "Son, I'm real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your bible diligently, but you didn't get hair cut!"

The young man waited a moment and replied "You know dad, I've been thinking about that. You know Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair and even Jesus had long hair."

His father replied "Yes, son, and they walked everywhere they went!"

* * *

A police officer pulls over this guy who's been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube."

Guy: "Sorry, officer, I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that, I'll have a really bad asthma attack."

Officer: "Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample."

Guy: "I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death."

Officer: "Well, then, we need a urine sample."

Guy: "I'm sorry, officer, I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that, I'll get really low blood sugar."

Officer: "All right, then I need you to come out here and walk this white line."

Guy: "I can't do that, officer."

Officer: "Why not?"

Guy: "Because I'm drunk."

* * *

Two guys are driving through Texas when they get pulled over by a state trooper. The trooper walks up, taps on the window with his nightstick, the driver rolls down the window and the trooper smacks him in the head with the stick.

Driver: "Why'd you do that?"

Trooper: "You're in Texas, son. When I pull you over, you'll have your license ready."

Driver: "I'm sorry, officer, I'm not from around here."

The trooper runs a check on the guy's license and he's clean. He gives the guy his license back and walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls his window down and the trooper smacks him with the nightstick.

Passenger: "What'd you do that for?"

Trooper: "Just making your wishes come true."

Passenger: "Huh?"

Trooper: "I know that two miles down the road you're gonna say 'I wish that sucker would've tried that shit with me!'"

* * *

A motorist, after being bogged down in a muddy road, paid a passing farmer five dollars to pull him out with his tractor. After he was back on dry ground, he said to the farmer "At those prices, I should think you would be pulling people out of the mud night and day."

"Can't," replied the farmer. "At night I haul water for the hole."

* * *

A drunk phoned police to report that thieves had been in his car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator!" he cried out.

However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time with the same voice came over the line. "Never mind," he said with a hiccup, "I got in the back seat by mistake."

* * *

A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said "I wish you could talk."

The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down.

"You can understand what I'm saying?" asked the officer.

Again, the monkey shook his head up and down.

"Well, did you see this?"

"Yes," motioned the monkey.

"What happened?"

The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth.

"They were drinking?" asked the officer.

"Yes."

"What else?"

The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth.

"They were smoking marijuana?"

"Yes."

"What else?"

The monkey motioned "Screwing."

"They were screwing, too?" asked the astounded officer.

"Yes."

"Now wait, you're saying your owners were drinking, smoking and screwing before they wrecked."

"Yes."

"What were you doing during all this?"

"Driving" motioned the monkey.

* * *

A driver was pulled over by a police officer for speeding. As the officer was writing the ticket, she noticed several machetes in the car. "What are those for?" she asked suspiciously.

"I'm a juggler," the man replied. "I use those in my act." "Well, show me," the officer requested.

So he got out the machetes and started juggling them, first three, then more, finally seven at one time, overhand, underhand, behind the back, putting on a dazzling show and amazing the officer.

Another car passed by.

The driver did a double take and said, "My God. I've got to give up drinking! Look at the test they're giving now."

* * *

The woman in question, a cute blonde as it happens, was pulled over for speeding by a California Highway Patrol motorcycle officer. When he walked up to her window and opened his ticket book she said:

"I bet you're going to sell me a ticket to the Highway Patrolmen's Ball."

He replied "No, highway patrolmen don't have balls."

There followed a moment of silence while she smiled and he realized what he'd said. He then closed his book, got back on his motorcycle and left.

m@ys@m

2008/4/28, 09:59 PM

Fire

Three firefighters went out on a hunting trip. There was a rookie, a captain and a chief. The weather was misrable and they hadn't seen any deer all day. They came across an old shack where they went inside to play a game of poker. After loosing a couple of hands, the rookie threw down his cards and said "That does it! I am going out to get me a deer." Fifteen minutes later, the rookie came back with a nice four point buck. The captain and chief asked "How did you get that?" The rookie replied, "I walked out fifty feet, followed some tracks and shot this buck". The captain then said "I've had enough of this, I am going to get my deer." He came back a half hour later with a 6-point buck. The chief asked "How did you get that?" The captain replied "I walked out a hundred feet, followed some tracks and shot this buck." The chief not wanting to be out done said "I am out of here, I am going to bag the biggest buck of the day." He came back an hour later, all mangled up and bloody. The rookie and captain asked "What happened to you?" The chief replied "I walked out there five hundred feet, followed some tracks and got hit by a train."

* * *

A farmer rushed to his phone one day to report that his nearest neighbor's house was on fire. He promptly called 911 to report the fire. In the calmest voice he could muster, he reported the fire was at his neighbor's house two miles down the road. The dispatcher asked "How do we get there?" The farmer hesitated a few seconds then asked "Don't you, guys, have those big red trucks anymore?"

* * *

It seems there was a woman who received some bad news. Her husband had been in an automobile accident and was brain dead. The doctor told her some good news, though. They had perfected their brain transplant technique and that she was lucky there were three fresh brains in the brain bank from which to choose. There had been a major tragedy at their local fire department. A large explosion had killed a firefighter, a captain and the chief. Having insurance, she requested the cost for each of the brains. The firefighter's brain was $10,000, the captain's brain was $50,000 and the chief's brain was a MILLION DOLLARS! Curious, she asked why the chief's brain was so much more expensive. The reply...you see the chief's brain has never been used!!!

* * *

A fireman and policeman died and both went to heaven where they were issued their wings with the warning that if they had even one bad thought their wings would fall off. Well, everything went well for some time then one day they passed a very attractive and well put together young lady. As the fireman turned to watch her pass his wings fell off. When he bent over to pick them up the policemans wings fell off.

* * *

A fire chief died and went to heaven. When he got there he saw a long line waiting to get in to the pearly gates. He told himself "I'm a fire chief, I'm not going to wait in line." He went to the angels guarding the gates and said "Let me in. I'm a fire chief." The angels replied "You'll have to wait in line like everyone else, sir." While waiting at the back of the line he saw a sedan pull up with red lights and a man got out wearing a white helmet that said "CHIEF". The angels popped to attention and let the chief enter heaven. The waiting fire chief was pissed and went to talk to the angels. He asked "Why did you let that fire chief go through and not me?" To which the angels replied "You have it all wrong, sir. That's God, he just thinks he's a Fire Chief."

m@ys@m

2008/4/28, 10:00 PM

Lawyer

A housewife, an accountant and a lawyer were asked "How much is 2+2?"
The housewife replies: "Four!".
The accountant says: "I think it's either 3 or 4. Let me run those figures through my spreadsheet one more time."
The lawyer pulls the drapes, dims the lights and asks in a hushed voice "How much do you want it to be?"

* * *

A woman diagnosed as having a brain tumor was told by her doctor that she would need the transplant of a one-pound brain. The doctor then asked, "What type of brain do you want?"
"What type?" the woman asked.

"Yes," replied the doctor. "There is a substantial difference in price. For example, a one-pound brain of a surgeon costs $60,000, while you can get a one-pound brain of a nuclear physicist for $50,000, and so on.

"Can you give me a one-pound lawyer's brain? Ever since I was a little girl I've dreamed of being a trial attorney."

"That's $250,000," the doctor replied.

"Why so much? the woman asked. "That's over four times what a surgeon's brain costs."

"Do you have any idea how many lawyers it takes to produce a pound of brain?" the doctor replied.

* * *

A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you be first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?"
Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor."

"That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?"

Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman."

"Thank you, Amie," said the teacher. "What about your father, Billy?"

Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy plays piano in a whorehouse."

The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography. Later that day she went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and asked if there might be some logical explanation.

Billy's father said, "I'm actually an attorney. But how can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"

* * *

A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. But, to his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was, and greeted him warmly. Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line, and into a comfortable chair by his desk. The lawyer said, "I don't mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?" St. Peter replied, "Well, I've added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!"

* * *

A Dublin lawyer died in poverty and many barristers of the city sub- scribed to a fund for his funeral. The Lord Chief Justice of Orbury was asked to donate a shilling. "Only a shilling?" said the Justice, "Only a shilling to bury an attorney? Here's a guinea; go and bury 20 more of them."

* * *

A lawyer and a physician had a dispute over precedence. They referred it to Diogenes, who gave it in favor of the lawyer as follows: "Let the thief go first, and the executioner follow."

* * *

"How can I ever thank you?" gushed a woman to Clarence Darrow, after he had solved her legal troubles.
"My dear woman," Darrow replied, "ever since the Phoenicians invented money there has been only one answer to that question."

* * *

The Pope and a lawyer find themselves together before the Pearly Gates. After a small quantum of time which was spent discussing their respective professions, ol' St. Peter shows up to usher them to their new Heavenly station. After passing out wings, harps, halos and such, St. Pete decides to show them to their new lodgings. Only a brief flight from the welcome, Pete brings them down on the front lawn (cloud-encrusted, natch) of a huge palatial estate with all sorts of lavish trappings. This, Pete announces, is where the lawyer will be spending eternity, (at least until the end of time..) "Hot Dang", the Pope says to His-self, "If he's getting a place like this, I can hardly wait to see my digs!". They take flight once again, and as Pete leads on, the landscape below begins to appear more and more mundane until they finally land on a street lined with Brownstone houses. Pete indicates the third walkup on the left as the Popes new domicile and turns to leave, wishing the pontiff his best. The Pope, in a mild state of astonishment, cries out "Hey Pete! What's the deal here? You put that lawyer-feller in a beautiful estate home and I, spiritual leader of terra-firma, end up with this dive?" Pete looks at the pontiff amusedly and replys: "Look here old fellow, this street is practically encrusted with spiritual leaders from many times and religions. We're putting you here with them so you guys can get your dogma together. That other guy gets an estate, because he's the first (non-)damned lawyer to make it up here!!"

* * *

Carlson was charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz and after a long trial, the jury acquitted him. Later that day Carlson came back to the judge who had presided at the hearing. "Your honor," he said, "I wanna get out a warrant for that dirty lawyer of mine." "Why ?" asked the judge. "He won your acquittal. What do you want to have him arrested for ?" "Well, your honor," replied Carlson, "I didn't have the money to pay his fee, so he went and took the car I stole."

* * *

"You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background," sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand. "If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness.

* * *

A judge in a semi-small city was hearing a drunk-driving case and the defendant, who had both a record and a reputation for driving under the influence, demanded a jury trial. It was nearly 4 p.m. and getting a jury would take time, so the judge called a recess and went out in the hall looking to impanel anyone available for jury duty. He found a dozen lawyers in the main lobby and told them that they were a jury. The lawyers thought this would be a novel experience and so followed the judge back to the courtroom. The trial was over in about 10 minutes and it was very clear that the defendant was guilty. The jury went into the jury-room, the judge started getting ready to go home, and everyone waited. After nearly three hours, the judge was totally out of patience and sent the bailiff into the jury-room to see what was holding up the verdict. When the bailiff returned, the judge said, "Well have they got a verdict yet?" The bailiff shook his head and said, "Verdict? Hell, they're still doing nominating speeches for the foreman's position!"

* * *

Diogenes went to look for an honest lawyer. "How's it going?", someone asked. "Not too bad", said Diogenes. "I still have my lantern."

* * *

A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?" "Of course not, dear." replied the mother, "Why would you think that?" "The tombstone back there said 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'"

* * *

The defendant who pleads their own case has a fool for a client, but at least there will be no problem with fee-splitting.

* * *

These two guys, George and Harry, set out in a Hot Air balloon to cross the Atlantic Ocean. After 37 hours in the air, George says "Harry, we better lose some altitude so we can see where we are". Harry lets out some of the hot air in the balloon, and the balloon descends to below the cloud cover. George says, "I still can't tell where we are, lets ask that guy on the ground". So Harry yells down to the man "Hey, could you tell us where we are?". And the man on the ground yells back "You're in a balloon, 100 feet up in the air". George turns to Harry and says "That man must be a lawyer". And Harry says "How can you tell?". George says "Because the advice he gave us is 100% accurate, and totally useless".

* * *

For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap! "Helen, why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant?" he cried. "I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!" "Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin' and talkin' and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer."

* * *

God decided to take the devil to court and settle their differences once and for all.
When Satan heard this, he laughed and said, "And where do you think *you're* going to find a lawyer?"

* * *

Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it? The old drunk, of course, the other three are mythological creatures.

* * *

The National Institute of Health (NIH) announced last week that they were going to start using lawyers instead of rats in their experiments. Naturally, the American Bar Association was outraged, and filed suit, but the NIH presented some very good reasons for the switch.
1) The lab assistants were becoming very attached to their little rats. This emotional involvement was interfering with the research being conducted. No such attachment could form for a lawyer.
2) Lawyers breed faster.
3) Lawyers are much cheaper to care for and the humanitarian societies won't jump all over you no matter what you're studying.
4) There are some things even a rat won't do.
However, sometimes it very hard to exterpolate our test results to human beings.

m@ys@m

2008/4/28, 10:01 PM

Medicine

"Doctor, Doctor, You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking!"

"Do you drink a lot?"

"Not really - I spill most of it!"
* * *

"Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?"

"Yes, of course..."

"Great! I never could before!"
* * *

A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"

"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.

"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"
* * *

The surgeon told his patient that woke up after having been operated: "I'm afraid we're going to have to operate you again. Because, you see, I forgot my rubber gloves inside you."

Patient: "Well, if it's just because of them, I'd rather pay for them if you just leave me alone."
* * *

A man woke up one morning with a red ring around his penis. Astonished he panicked and hurried to the emergency room.

The Doctor looked at it and gave the man some lotion to rub on it twice a day, if no results come back tomorrow. This went on for three days when a new nurse happened to be in the same ER. She asked if she could suggest something. The Dr. at his wit's end because he wasn't able to cure the problem, agreed to let the nurse try her hand.

The nurse gave the man a smelly lotion and said rub it very gently on his penis before he when to bed. The man went home and followed her instructions.

The very next day came back happy as a lark! He found the nurse and Doctor and thanked them for all they're help.

As the man left, the Dr. turned to the nurse and asked what was the miracle lotion?

The nurse replied, "Lipstick remover."
* * *

A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast.

"You aren't so good in bed either!" he shouted and stormed off to work.

By midmorning, he decided he'd better make amends and phoned home. After many rings, his wife picked up the phone.

"What took you so long to answer?"

"I was in bed."

"What were you doing in bed this late?"

"Getting a second opinion."
* * *

Doctor: "I have some bad news and some very bad news."

Patient: "Well, might as well give me the bad news first."

Doctor: "The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live."

Patient: "24 hours! Thats terrible!!! What could be Worse?! What's the very bad news?"

Doctor: "I've been trying to reach you since yesterday."
* * *

A man goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. He hasn't been feeling well and wants to find out if he's ill. After the checkup the doctor comes out with the results of the examination.

"I'm afraid I have some bad news. You're dying and you don't have much time," the doctor says.

"Oh no, that's terrible. How long have I got?" the man asks.

"10..." says the doctor.

"10? 10 what? Months? Weeks? What?!" he asks desperately.

"10...9...8...7..."
* * *

Doctor: "I've got very bad news - you've got cancer and Alzheimer's"

Patient: "Well, at least I don't have cancer"
* * *

A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.

Man: "What's the matter with me?"

Doctor: "You're not eating properly."
* * *

A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain.

"Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor.

"You have to help me, I hurt all over", said the woman.

"What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor, "be a little more specific."

The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too." Then she touched her right earlobe, "Ow, even THAT hurts", she cried.

The doctor checked her thoughtfully for a moment and told her his diagnosis, "You have a broken finger."
* * *

"Doctor, are you sure I'm suffering from pneumonia? I've heared once about a doctor treating someone with pneumonia and finally he died of typhus."

"Don't worry, it won't happen to me. If I treat someone with pneumonia he will die of pneumonia."
* * *

A guy walks into work, and both of his ears are all bandaged up. The boss says, "What happened to your ears?"

He says, "Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and shhh! I accidentally answered the iron."

The boss says, "Well, that explains one ear, but what happened to your other ear?"

He says, "Well, jeez, I had to call the doctor!"
* * *

A pipe burst in a doctor's house. He called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed the doctor a bill for $600.

Doctor: "This is ridiculous! I don't even make that much as a doctor!."

Plumber: "Neither did I when I was a doctor."
* * *

A doctor said to his car mechanic, "Your debit is several times more per hour then we get paid for medical care."

"Yeah, but you see, doc, you have always the same model, it hasn't changed since Adam; but we have to keep up to date with new models coming every year."
* * *

The seven-year old girl told her mom "A boy in my class asked me to play doctor."

"Oh, dear," the mother nervously sighed. "What happened, honey?"

"Nothing, he made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company."
* * *

"The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks."

"And did he?"

"Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill."
* * *

A fellow walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had.

He said, "Shingles."

So she took down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.

A few minutes later a nurse's aid came out and asked him what he had.

He said, "Shingles."

So she took down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told him to wait in the examining room.

Ten minutes later a nurse came in and asked him what he had.

He said, "Shingles."

So she gave him a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, told him to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.

Fifteen minutes later the doctor came in and asked him what he had.

He said, "Shingles."

The doctor said, "Where?"

He said, "Outside in the truck. Where do you want them?"
* * *

If it is dry - add moist; if it is moisten - add dryness. Congratulations, now you are a dermatologist.
* * *

Patient: "Whenever I drink coffee, I have this sharp, excruciating pain."

Eye doctor: "Try to remember to remove the spoon from the cup before drinking."
* * *

A man goes to the eye doctor. The receptionist asks him why he is there. The man complains, "I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes."

The receptionist asks, "Have you ever seen a doctor?" and the man replies, "No, just spots."

m@ys@m

2008/4/28, 10:02 PM

Men&Women

The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed way too qualified for the job.
Foreman: "Look Miss, have you any actual experience in picking lemons?"
Woman: "Well, as a matter if fact, yes! I've been divorced three times."

* * *

There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet.
After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says,
"Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?"
The third fellow says "I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees."
The first two guys were amazed. "What happened then?" they asked. "She said, 'get out from under the bed and fight like a man'."

* * *
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.

* * *
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes, I am, I married the wrong man."

* * *
After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." She replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

* * *
A lady inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband wanted". Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

* * *
The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and said, "I've found a man just like father!" Her mother replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"

* * *
When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

* * *
Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.

* * *
A little boy asked his father "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

* * *
Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Father: "That happens in every country, son."

* * *
"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."

* * *
A woman was telling her friend, "It is I who made my husband a millionaire."
Friend: "And what was he before you married him?"
Woman: "A billionaire."

* * *
During a heated spat over finances the husband said, "Well, if you'd learn to cook and were willing to clean this place, we could fire the maid." The wife, fuming, shot back, "Oh yeah??? Well, if you'd learn how to make love, we could fire the chauffeur and the gardener."

* * *
When making love, most married men fantasize that their wives aren't fantasizing.

* * *
How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.

* * *
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

* * *
First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

m@ys@m

2008/4/28, 10:03 PM

Tarzan

Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants in the distance?
A: "Look, a herd of elephants in the distance"
* * *

Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants with sunglasses
A: Nothing. He doesn't recognize them.
* * *

Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of giraffes in the distance?
A: "Haha! You fooled me once with those disguises, but not this time!"
* * *

Q: How do you know Tarzan is in the elevator?
A: You can hear Tarzan scream OYOYOYOIYOIYOOOOOO
* * *

Q: How did Tarzan die?
A: Picking cherries.

m@ys@m

2008/4/28, 10:06 PM

School

A mom and dad were worried about their son not wanting to learn math at the school he was in, so they decided to send him to a Catholic school. After the first day of school, their son comes racing into the house, goes straight into his room and slams the door shut. Mom and dad are a little worried about this and go to his room to see if he is okay. They find him sitting at his desk doing his homework. The boy keeps doing that for the rest of the year. At the end of the year the son brings home his report card and gives it to his mom and dad. Looking at it they see under math an A+.
Mom and dad are very happy and ask the son, "What changed your mind about learning math?"

The son looked at mom and dad and said, "Well, on the first day when I walked into the classroom, I saw a guy nailed to the plus sign at the back of the room behind the teacher's desk and I knew they meant business."

* * *

The parents were very disappointed in the grades that their son brought home. "The only consolation I can find in these awful grades," lamented the father, "is that I know he never cheated during his exams."

* * *

"Dad, can you write in the dark?"
"I think so. What is it you want me to write?"
"Your name on this report card."

* * *

Girl: "Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do."

Mother: "But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this ... by the way, what was it that you didn't do?"

Girl: "My homework."

* * *

The child comes home from his first day at school.
Mother: "What did you learn today?"
Kid: "Not enough. I have to go back tomorrow."

* * *

Boy: "I got an F in arithmetic."
Father: "Why?"
Boy: "The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' and I said '6'"
Father: "But that's right!"
Boy: "Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"
Father: "What's the ****ing difference?"
Boy: "That's exactly what I said!"

* * *

Teacher: "If you reached in your right pocket and found a nickel, and you reached in your left pocket and found another one, what would you have?"

Boy: "Somebody else's pants."

* * *

Teacher: "Johnny, what is the outside of a tree called?"
Johnny: "I don’t know."
Teacher: "Bark, Johnny, bark."
Johnny: "Bow, wow, wow!"

* * *

Teacher: "Suppose there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left?"
Boy: "None."
Teacher: "None? You don't know your arithmetic!"
Boy: "Teacher, you don't know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!"

* * *

Teacher: "If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?"

Boy: "Seven!"

Teacher: "No, listen carefully again. If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?"

Boy: "Seven!"

Teacher: "Let's try this another way. If I give you two apples and two apples and another two apples, how many apples have you got?"

Boy: "Six."

Teacher: "Good. Now if I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?"

Boy: "Seven!"

Teacher: "How on earth do you work out that three lots of two rabbits is seven?"

Boy: "I've already got one rabbit at home now!"

* * *

Teacher: "How can you prove the earth is round?"
Boy: "I can't. Besides, I never said it was."

* * *

Billy and Willy were at Sunday school studying about Noah's ark. On the way home, Willy asked, "Do you think Noah did much fishing?"

"How could he?" said Billy. "He only had two worms".

The teacher is droning away in the classroom when he notices a student sleeping way up in the back row. The teacher shouts to the sleeping student's neighbor, "Hey wake that student up!"

The neighbor yells back, "You put him to sleep, you wake him up!"

* * *

Teacher: "You know you can't sleep in my class."
Boy: "I know. But maybe if you were just a little quieter, I could."

* * *

"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. "Now then, mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer. "Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."

* * *

The science teacher lecturing his class in biology said, "Now I'll show you this frog in my pocket." He then reached into his pocket and pulled out a chicken sandwich. He looked puzzled for a second, thought deeply, and said, "That's funny. I distinctly remember eating my lunch."

* * *

The teacher brings a statue of Venus into class and asks, "What do you like best about it, class? Let's start with you, Robert."
Robert: "The artwork."
Teacher: "Very good. And you, Peter?"
Peter: "Her tits!"
Teacher: "Peter, get out! Go stand in the hall! And you, Johnny?"
Johnny: "I'm leaving, teacher, I'm leaving..."

* * *

Boy: "Isn't the principal a dummy!"
Girl: "Say, do you know who I am?"
Boy: "No."
Girl: "I'm the principal's daughter."
Boy: "And do you know who I am?"
Girl: "No,"
Boy: "Thank goodness!"

* * *

Teacher: "Why are you late?"
Boy: "Because of a sign down the road."
Teacher: "What does a sign have to do with your being late?"
Boy: "The sign said, 'School Ahead, Go Slow!'"

* * *

Teacher: "You missed school yesterday, didn't you?"
Boy: "Not a bit!"

* * *

Teacher: "How do you spell "dog"?"
Boy: "D, o, g, enter."

* * *

Boy: "I've just had the most awful time. First I got angina pectoris, then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering, I got psoriasis. They gave me hypodermics, and to top it all, tonsillitis was followed by appendectomy."

Friend: "Wow! How did you pull through?"

Boy: "I don't know. Toughest spelling test I ever had!"

* * *

A gentleman wanders around the campus of a college looking for the library. He approaches a student and asked, "Excuse me, young man. Would you be good enough and tell me where the library is at?"

The student, in a very arrogant and belittling tone, replied, "I sorry, sir, but at this school, we are taught never to end a sentence with a preposition!"

The gentleman smiled, and in a very apologetic tone replied, "I beg your pardon. Please allow me to rephrase my question. Would you be good enough to tell me where the library is at, asshole?"

* * *

The English teacher's husband walked in and caught his wife sleeping with a young co-ed. He said, "Why, Susan, I'm surprised." She bolted upright, pointed her finger and corrected him, "No. I am surprised. You are astonished."

* * *

An English professor complained to the pet shop proprietor, "The parrot I purchased uses improper language."

"I'm surprised," said the owner. "I've never taught that bird to swear."

"Oh, it isn't that," explained the professor. "But yesterday I heard him split an infinitive."

* * *

The answer to the problem was "log(1+x)". A student copied the answer from the student next to him, but didn't want to make it obvious that he was cheating, so he changed the answer slightly, to "timber(1+x)".

Setayesh

2008/5/01, 07:46 PM

Interesting Questions
I encounter some interesting questions on the Web, which seemed to common in Google and Microsoft interviews. Try to see you can answer these. I will publish my answers later.

1. You go one mile North, One mile East, One mile South and you come to the same point you started. How many points like this are on earth and how do you form these.
(Hint : I got to know from a different resource that, if your answer is
1, 2 - you will not be hired, infinity - you will be hired, infinity * infinity - the correct answer !!)

2. There is a room at the corner of a hallway. It has a light in it and the door is closed. You have three switches (which of course has only on and off positions only) at the other end of the hall. You are allowed to go in to the room only once. How do you find the correct switch associated with the bulb in that room?

3. This is a famous question and considered as a fermi problem.
How much you will charge to wash all the windows in your city?

4. How do you weigh a boeing 747?

5. There are 5 pirates on an island. They have 100 gold coins. These pirates have seniority rankings. Number one is senior than all the others, Number two is the second and so on. The most senior person can propose a plan on how to distribute the coins. If it is accepted with 50% or more votes (including his vote) he can execute that plan. Else, if he lost it, he will be killed and the next senior pirate gets the chance to propose and so on. You can assume that all the pirates are thinking logically and all wants to live. If you are the most senior person what is your plan which will get you lots of coins and will not be killed by others?

6. How many times a day, the clocks hour and minute hands overlap?

Lord HellisH

2008/5/03, 09:41 PM

Love is a bittersweet: sweet for a while, bitter for a life

"Lord HellisH"

Imaginary

2008/5/11, 10:09 AM

3 Easy Ways to Die :

Take a Cigar daily - You will die 10 years early.

Drink Rum daily - You will die 30 years early.

Love Someone Truly - You will die daily.

1. A foolish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man tells

her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.

2.. One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption :

Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD

After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY

3. Three FASTEST means of Communication :

1. Tele-Phone

2. Tele-Vision

3. Tell to Woman

Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANYONE..

4.. Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their friends.

6.. Let us be generous like this : Four Ants are moving through a forest.

They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them.

Ant 1 says : we should KILL him.

Ant 2 says : No, Let us break his Leg alone.

Ant 3 says : No, we will just throw him away from our path..

Ant 4 says : No, we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.

7. If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing in your life.

If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing in your life.

8.. Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.

Answer : On their MARRIAGE.

9. When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you from Darkness.

Even after you pray, if U R still in Darkness - Please PAY the ELECTRICITY BILL.

10. Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women.

Because per Constitution, you can NOT BE PUNISHED TWICE for the same Mistake.

m@ys@m

2008/7/16, 07:50 PM

hello every one
i never knew there is a topic like this thank you all guys for sharing useful quotes
and special thanks to mary27 and lord hellish your effort is appreciable

1- you get what you love and you lose what you condemn

2-always try to get what you love otherwise you have to love what you get

3- where there is love, there is no question

4- life is like riding a bicycle for keeping balanvce you have to move along

5-don't underestimate your health

6-keep your promices

7-don't be misled at firsdt sight

8- take care of those whom you really love

9-don't talk behind someone's back

10-don't be afraif of saying I DON'T KNOW

best wishes for you dears

rana.7

2008/8/20, 11:53 PM

about=exactly
above=below
absence=absence
abundance=lack
to accept=to refuse
accidental=intentional
active=lazy
to add=to subtract
to admit=to deny
adult=child
advanced=elementary
affirmative=negative
afraid=brave
after=before
against=for
alike=different
alive=dead
all=none
always=never
ancient=modern
to agree=to refuse, to argue
to allow=to forbid
already=not yet
always=never
amateur=professional
to amuse=to bore
angel=devil
animal=human
to annoy=to satisfy
to answer=to ask
answer=question
apart=together
approximately=exactly
to argue=to agree
to arrest=to free, to set free
arrival=departure
to arrive=to depart, to leave
artificial=natural
to ask=to answer
asleep=awake
to attack=to defend
attack=defence, protection
attic=cellar
autumn=spring
awake=asleep
awful=delicious, nice, pleasant

rana.7

2008/8/21, 10:44 AM

back=in front of
background=foreground
backward=forward
bad luck=fortune, good luck
beauty=ugliness
before=afterto end, to stop, to finish
beginning=end, ending
behind=in front of
below=above
best=worst
better=
worse
beautiful=ugly
birth=death
bitter=sweet
blunt=sharp
body=soul
to bore=to amuse, to be interested in
boring=exciting, interesting
to borrow=to lend
bottom=top
brave=cowardly, afraid
to break=to mend, to fix
broad=narrow
to build=to destroy
to buy=to sell

rana.7

2008/8/21, 11:01 AM

calm=excited
careful=careless
to catch=to miss, to throw
ceiling=floor
cellar=attic
centre=outskirts, suburb
certainly=probably
changeable=constant
cheap=expensive
clean=dirty
clear=cloudy
clever=stupid
cloudy=clear, sunny, bright
complicated=simple
compliment=insult
compulsory=voluntary
to connect=to separate
consonant=vowel
constant=changeable
construction=destruction
to continue=to interrupt
correct=false, wrong
courage=fear
courageous=cowardly
cowardly=brave, courageous
to create=to destroy
cruel=kind

rana.7

2008/8/21, 11:07 AM

to damage=to repair
danger=security, safety
dark=light
dawn=dusk
deep=shallow
defeat=victory
defence=attack
to deny=to admit
to depart=to arrive
departure=arrival
desperate=hopeful
destruction=construction
dictatorship=republic
different=alike, equal, the same
disease=health
distant=near
to divide=to unite
division=unity
domestic=foreign
dry=humid, wet
dull=interesting

rana.7

2008/8/21, 11:19 AM

to emigrate=to immigrate
equal=different
even=odd
exactly=about, approximately
excited=calm
to exclude=to include
export=import
exposure=shelter
extreme=moderate

rana.7

2008/8/21, 11:24 AM

to fail=to succeed, to pass
false=correct, true
fat=slim, thin
fear=courage
to fix=to break
flat=hilly
to follow=to lead
to forbid=to allow, to let, to permit
for=against
to form=to destroy
fortune=bad luck
to free=to arrest
to freeze=to melt
frequently=occasionally
front=rear

rana.7

2008/8/21, 09:13 PM

general=particular, special
generous=mean,stingy
gentle=violent, rough, strict
to give=to take
guest=host
guilty=innocent
heavy=light
high=deep
health=disease, illness
heat=cold
heaven=hell
hilly=flat
to hit=to miss
hopeful=desperate, hopeless
horizontal=vertical
huge=tiny
to ignore=to notice
to immigrate=to emigrate
import=export
to include=to exclude
to increase=to reduce
insult=compliment
intelligent=silly, stupid
intentional=accidental
junior=senior
kind=cruel

djalix

2008/8/27, 11:07 PM

http://www.floristdex.com/flowers/Alstrameria.jpg (http://www.floristdex.com/alstroemeria.php)
Alstroemeria
(آلسترومریا)
Friendship
(دوستی)
http://www.floristdex.com/flowers/Amarillas.jpg
Amaryllis
(آماریلیس)
Splendid beauty
(زیبایی بی نظیر)

http://www.floristdex.com/flowers/Anenome.jpg
Anemone
(شقایق نعمانی)

Anticipation
(انتظار)
http://www.floristdex.com/flowers/Antherium.jpg
Anthurium
(تخته شستی نقاش)

Hospitality
(مهمان نوازی)

http://www.floristdex.com/flowers/Aster.jpg
Aster

(مینا)
Patience
(صبر)
http://www.floristdex.com/flowers/BirdofParadise.jpg
Birds of Paradise

(پرنده بهشتی)
Joyfulness
(شعف)
http://www.floristdex.com/flowers/DoubleBouvardia.jpg
Bouvardia
(بوواردیا)
Enthusiasm
(علاقه)
http://www.floristdex.com/flowers/Carnation.jpg
Carnation

(میخک)
Pride and beauty
(غرور و زیبایی)

http://www.floristdex.com/flowers/CrysthemumCushion.jpg
Chrysanthemum,Cushion
(داوودی کوسنی)

Fidelity
(وفاداری)
http://www.floristdex.com/flowers/CrysthemumDaisey.jpg
Chrysanthemum,Daisy
(داوودی گاو چشم)
Fidelity
(وفاداری)

http://www.floristdex.com/flowers/StandardChrysanthenum.jpg
Chrysanthemum
(گل داوودی)

Fidelity
(وفاداری)
http://www.floristdex.com/flowers/Daffodil.jpg
Daffodil
(نرگس زرد)

Chivalry
(جوانمردی)
http://www.floristdex.com/flowers/DelphiumHybrid.jpg
Delphinium
(زبان در قفا)
Heavenly
(آسمانی)
http://www.floristdex.com/flowers/Freesia.jpg
Freesia

(فریزیا)
Innocence
(بی گناهی)
http://www.floristdex.com/flowers/Gladious.jpg
Gladiolus
(گلایول)

Strength of character
(قدرت شخصیت)
http://www.floristdex.com/flowers/Heather.jpg
Heather
(خلنگ جارو)

Admiration
(تحسین)

http://www.floristdex.com/flowers/Hyacinth.jpg
Hyacinth
(سنبل)
Constancy
(استواری)

http://www.floristdex.com/flowers/Hydrangea.jpg
Hydrangea
(ادریسی)
Heartfelt
(صمیمانه)
http://www.floristdex.com/flowers/IrisHybrid.jpg
Iris
(زنبق)
My compliments
(تبریکات من)

http://www.floristdex.com/flowers/Larkspur.jpg
Larkspur
(زبان در قفا)
Levity
(سبکسری)

secret_f

2008/9/06, 03:21 PM

To realize
The value of a sister Ask someone Who doesn't have one
http://www.gigaimage.com/images/0bgq9njulk6cl96ohbg.jpg (http://www.gigaimage.com/images/0bgq9njulk6cl96ohbg.jpg)

To realize The value of ten years: Ask a newly Divorced couple
.
http://www.gigaimage.com/images/gbzf8u02li1ct8lukbo.jpg (http://www.gigaimage.com/images/gbzf8u02li1ct8lukbo.jpg)

To realize The value of one year: Ask a student who Has failed a final exam
.
http://www.gigaimage.com/images/fmsrygmi8tyb4acxkck5.jpg (http://www.gigaimage.com/images/fmsrygmi8tyb4acxkck5.jpg)

To realize The value of nine months: Ask a mother who gave birth to a still born
.

http://www.gigaimage.com/images/ozd75hixlgo7jmcbvd8b.jpg (http://www.gigaimage.com/images/ozd75hixlgo7jmcbvd8b.jpg)

To realize The value of one month: Ask a mother who has given birth to A premature baby
.
http://www.gigaimage.com/images/mzihtorijj9fdefoss4k.jpg (http://www.gigaimage.com/images/mzihtorijj9fdefoss4k.jpg)

To realize The value of one week: Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper
.
http://www.gigaimage.com/images/faj9mhcpdy8gw2lw423.jpg (http://www.gigaimage.com/images/faj9mhcpdy8gw2lw423.jpg)

To realize The value of one hour: Ask the lovers who are waiting to Meet
..
http://www.gigaimage.com/images/wsjx8bn5g6ckqtsia.jpg (http://www.gigaimage.com/images/wsjx8bn5g6ckqtsia.jpg)

To realize The value of one minute: Ask a person Who has missed the train, bus or plane
.
http://www.gigaimage.com/images/8t2mrwbbuqi9p1kar4eg.jpg (http://www.gigaimage.com/images/8t2mrwbbuqi9p1kar4eg.jpg)

To! realize The value of one millisecond: Ask the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics

http://www.gigaimage.com/images/9pu6gs78zpqkt7lgezd.jpg (http://www.gigaimage.com/images/9pu6gs78zpqkt7lgezd.jpg)

To realize the value of a friend: Lose one
.
http://www.gigaimage.com/images/li1gkjyc0fzpvpne5wg9.jpg (http://www.gigaimage.com/images/li1gkjyc0fzpvpne5wg9.jpg)

Time waits for no one.
Treasure every moment you have. You will treasure it even more when you can share it with someone special.
Live life to the fullest

m@ys@m

2008/9/06, 08:49 PM

is it michael jackson

little boy : mummy is god a girl or a boy?

mummy: why god is both girl and boy

little boy: mummy is god black or white?

mummy: why god is both black and white

little boy: mummy is god gay or strait?

mummy: why god is both gay and strait

little boy: mummy is god Michael Jackson?

"Pejman"

2008/9/07, 05:08 AM

Affordable Housing Exists, If You Know Where to Look

by Prashant Gopal
Thursday, September 4, 2008provided byhttp://l.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/us/fi/gr/bw_170x30-01.gif (http://www.businessweek.com/)
Stacy Williams owns a three-bedroom house with a full basement and central air-conditioning in a quiet neighborhood on the upper west side of Youngstown, Ohio.
Williams, now 33, was earning $8.05 an hour as a manager at McDonald's when she moved into the house with her husband, a laborer at a construction equipment manufacturer, and son back in 2004. The couple's combined annual salary was $33,000. But the purchase didn't require much of a financial stretch: The house cost $48,000. "If you have the credit score to do it, there's nothing that can stop you from buying a home in Youngstown," said Williams, whose plans for the house include a second bathroom.
More from BusinessWeek.com (http://businessweek.com/):

• Where the Rents Are Higher—and Lower—This Year (http://images.businessweek.com/ss/08/08/0815_apartment_rents/index.htm?campaign_id=yahoo)

• The Best- and Worst-Performing ZIP Codes (http://images.businessweek.com/ss/08/07/0731_housing_bust_anniversary/index.htm?campaign_id=yahoo)

• The Cheapest Second Home Markets (http://images.businessweek.com/ss/08/08/0821_vacation_rentals/index.htm?campaign_id=yahoo)
A fallout from the real estate slump is that once again many homeowners are forced to look for homes that are within their budget. Access to cheap adjustable-rate mortgages gave many Americans the chance to live in homes that under normal circumstances they could have never afforded. People such as the Williamses are lucky that their income matches up well with the average home prices in Youngstown, but if they had lived somewhere more expensive, they might not have been able to buy their own home or would have spent too much, and now could have been facing the prospect of foreclosure.
So what metro areas are most and least affordable? The Youngstown metro area, which has a median income of $52,000 and a median home price of $77,000, is the second most affordable metro area in the U.S., according to the new National Association of Home Builders/Wells Fargo Housing Opportunity Index (HOI) for the second quarter. BusinessWeek.com used the index to rank the 10 most affordable and 10 least affordable major metros based on incomes and home prices. Indianapolis was the most affordable—91.6% of homes sold in the second quarter could be afforded by median-income households. The least affordable was the New York City-White Plains (N.Y.)-Wayne (N.J.) metro area, where only 11.4% of homes are affordable to median-income earners. (A decade ago, 66.4% of New York-area homes were affordable).
Affordable Youngstown
The New York area became the least affordable large metro in the country for the first time in the second quarter, largely because home prices in the costly California markets have been plummeting. Los Angeles had been the least affordable large metro since 2004, and California markets have topped the list since at least 1991. Unlike other bubble markets, home prices soared in the New York area during the boom but haven't fallen as far as they have elsewhere.
The most affordable markets, on the other hand, haven't changed very much. They didn't appreciate much during the boom, and most aren't seeing dramatic declines. "The most affordable places are mostly where there are no job markets," said Gopal Ahluwalia, vice-president for research for the National Association of Home Builders. "There's little demand.…Nobody moves to a market because housing is cheap. The movement is for jobs."
Tibitha Matheney, the agent with ERA Tri-Sun Real Estate in Youngstown who helped Williams buy her house, said she represented two other McDonald's workers who bought homes. She said she has shown customers houses that cost as little as $9,000. The former steel town has struggled in recent decades as that industry has declined and sent jobs overseas. The largest employer is now a General Motors plant.
Matheney adds that some residents take advantage of the low-cost housing in the Youngstown area and commute to job centers in Akron, Cleveland, and Pittsburgh. "You can get a lot of house if you really look," she said. "A lot of times, people say, 'But it won't appreciate.' But it's still worth it because it's affordable." The most expensive homes in Youngstown cost about as much as starter homes in New York City, and you couldn't even buy a parking spot in New York for what a median-priced house costs in the working-class Ohio town.
Buyer's Blues in New York
Longtime Manhattan renters Olive Hayes, 64, a New York City nurse, and her husband, Kevin, a Verizon employee, were hoping to spend no more than $450,000 when they started looking for a house more than a year ago. Hayes said she wanted a large apartment with a terrace and a separate living room and dining room. They wanted to buy, in part, because Hayes plans to retire and they will have to give up the spacious two-bedroom apartment they rent from the hospital. It's located in a doorman building overlooking the East River on 96th Street and First Avenue.
More from Yahoo! Finance (http://finance.yahoo.com/):

• Live Like the Jetsons: Computers Boost Home IQ (http://finance.yahoo.com/real-estate/article/105655/Home-IQ)

• The World's Most Expensive Streets (http://finance.yahoo.com/real-estate/article/105629/The-World's-Most-Expensive-Streets)

• Where the Real Estate Market May Be Headed (http://finance.yahoo.com/real-estate/article/105595/Where-Real-Estate-Market-May-Be-Headed,-and-How-to-Plan-for-It)
Visit the Real Estate Center (http://finance.yahoo.com/real-estate)
On Aug. 25, the Hayeses closed on a one-bedroom pad in a newly built condo building eight blocks north of their current home. It doesn't have a terrace and is about 764 square feet, much smaller than what Olive Hayes had originally hoped for. It's going to be a tight fit for her plants and piano. "It's not easy. It would probably be $1.5 million for what I'm used to," she said.
Hayes' agent, Lynda D. Gray of Bellmarc Realty, said first-time buyers in New York often have to lower their expectations and stretch their finances. "The motivator is the investment," she said. "You're not going to have as much space as you like…but you're going to be able to sell for a profit and possibly buy something outside of the city."
The 10 Most Affordable Housing Markets
1. Indianapolis-Carmel, Ind.
Median home price: $108,000
Median household income: $65,100
Share of homes affordable to median-income families: 91.6%
Share of affordable homes in Q2 1998: 73.1%
2. Youngstown-Warren-Boardman, Ohio-Pa.
Median home price: $77,000
Median household income: $52,000
Share of homes affordable to median-income families: 90.1%
Share of affordable homes in Q2 1998: 80.1%
http://us.news2.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/p/fi/18/09/66.jpg
Wikimedia.org/Andrew (http://wikimedia.org/Andrew) BaletDetroit-Livonia-Dearborn
3. Detroit-Livonia-Dearborn, Mich.
Median home price: $92,000
Median household income: $54,400
Share of homes affordable to median-income families: 88.4%
Share of affordable homes in Q2 1998: 62.8%
4. Warren-Troy-Farmington Hills, Mich.
Median home price: $140,000
Median household income: $78,800
Share of homes affordable to median-income families: 86.8%
Share of affordable homes in Q2 1998: N/A
5. Grand Rapids-Wyoming, Mich.
Median home price: $112,000
Median household income: $59,200
Share of homes affordable to median-income families: 86.3%
Share of affordable homes in Q2 1998: 74.8%
http://us.news2.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/p/fi/18/09/68.jpg
Wikimedia.org/Joel (http://wikimedia.org/Joel) RossolToledo
6. Toledo, Ohio
Median home price: $104,000
Median household income: $60,100
Share of homes affordable to median-income families: 85.5%
Share of affordable homes in Q2 1998: 77.3%
7. Dayton, Ohio
Median home price: $102,000
Median household income: $59,800
Share of homes affordable to median-income families: 85.4%
Share of affordable homes in Q2 1998: 83.8%
8. Akron, Ohio
Median home price: $100,000
Median household income: $61,700
Share of homes affordable to median-income families: 84.5%
Share of affordable homes in Q2 1998: 69.6%
http://us.news2.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/p/fi/18/09/70.jpgSyracuse
9. Syracuse, N.Y.
Median home price: $98,000
Median household income: $61,000
Share of homes affordable to median-income families: 84.2%
Share of affordable homes in Q2 1998: 83.6%
10. Scranton/Wilkes-Barre, Pa.
Median home price: $91,000
Median household income: $54,700
Share of homes affordable to median-income families: 82.5%
Share of affordable homes in Q2 1998: N/A
View the 10 least affordable housing markets. (http://images.businessweek.com/ss/08/08/0829_affordable_metros/index.htm?campaign_id=yahoo)
Editor's Note: The metropolitan statistical areas (click here (http://www.census.gov/population/estimates/metro-city/0312msa.txt) to learn more about MSAs) included in this story were ranked based on the share of homes sold in the second quarter of this year that would have been affordable to a family earning the local median income. Affordability is calculated by comparing the median household income to housing costs, assuming that a family can afford to spend 28% of its gross income on housing. The housing costs were calculated using sales records supplied by First American Real Estate Solutions and include principal, interest, estimated property taxes and insurance. It's based on a 30-year fixed rate mortgage for 90% of the sales price. The interest rate is a weighted average of fixed and adjustable rates during the quarter as reported by the Federal Housing Finance Board. The median household income estimates are published by the Department of Housing and Urban Development. The ranking only includes metro areas with at least 500,000 people.

Source: National Association of Home Builders (NAHB)/Wells Fargo Housing Opportunity Index
Gopal (prashant_gopal@businessweek.com) writes about real estate for BusinessWeek.com (http://businessweek.com/) in New Yo

ask q

2008/9/07, 02:26 PM

it has ben proved by time and experiences,but w shouldn't close our eyes to exceptions.
anyway thank you .an intersting text.

kittleboy_87

2008/9/08, 02:36 PM

I have a Bird in spring
Which for myself doth sing --
The spring decoys.
And as the summer nears --
And as the Rose appears,
Robin is gone.

Yet do I not repine
Knowing that Bird of mine
Though flown --
Learneth beyond the sea
Melody new for me
And will return.

Fast is a safer hand
Held in a truer Land
Are mine --
And though they now depart,
Tell I my doubting heart
They're thine.

In a serener Bright,
In a more golden light
I see
Each little doubt and fear,
Each little discord here
Removed.

Then will I not repine,
Knowing that Bird of mine
Though flown
Shall in a distant tree
Bright melody for me
Return.

kittleboy_87

2008/9/08, 02:43 PM

There is a word
Which bears a sword
Can pierce an armed man --
It hurls its barbed syllables
And is mute again --
But where it fell
The saved will tell
On patriotic day,
Some epauletted Brother
Gave his breath away.

Wherever runs the breathless sun --
Wherever roams the day --
There is its noiseless onset --
There is its victory!
Behold the keenest marksman!
The most accomplished shot!
Time's sublimest target
Is a soul "forgot!"

kittleboy_87

2008/9/08, 02:47 PM

Sleep is supposed to be
By souls of sanity
The shutting of the eye.

Sleep is the station grand
Down which, on either hand
The hosts of witness stand!

Morn is supposed to be
By people of degree
The breaking of the Day.

Morning has not occurred!

That shall Aurora be --
East of Eternity --
One with the banner gay --
One in the red array --
That is the break of Day!

kittleboy_87

2008/9/08, 02:49 PM

One Sister have I in our house,
And one, a hedge away.
There's only one recorded,
But both belong to me.

One came the road that I came --
And wore my last year's gown --
The other, as a bird her nest,
Builded our hearts among.

She did not sing as we did --
It was a different tune --
Herself to her a music
As Bumble bee of June.

Today is far from Childhood --
But up and down the hills
I held her hand the tighter --
Which shortened all the miles --

And still her hum
The years among,
Deceives the Butterfly;
Still in her Eye
The Violets lie
Mouldered this many May.

I spilt the dew --
But took the morn --
I chose this single star
From out the wide night's numbers --
Sue - forevermore!

kittleboy_87

2008/9/08, 02:51 PM

If those I loved were lost
The Crier's voice would tell me --
If those I loved were found
The bells of Ghent would ring --

Did those I loved repose
The Daisy would impel me.
Philip -- when bewildered
Bore his riddle in!

kittleboy_87

2008/9/08, 02:57 PM

Enough for now
some are heavy to understand,although i don't like these,i will post for you if u like

secret_f

2008/9/08, 04:22 PM

only hope

There's a song that's inside of my soul
It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again
I'm awake in the infinite cold
But You sing to me over and over and over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
And pray to be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now You're my only hope

Sing to me the song of the stars
of your galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that you have
for me over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
And pray to be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now You're my only hope

I give You my destiny
I'm giving You all of me
I want Your symphony
Singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs I'm giving it back

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
And pray to be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now You're my only hope

اینم لینک دانلود آهنگش:
http://www.4shared.com/get/57992039/e5aa2ca/Mandy_Moore_-_Only_Hope.html (http://www.4shared.com/file/57992039/e5aa2ca/Mandy_Moore_-_Only_Hope.html?s=1)

m@ys@m

2008/9/09, 10:00 PM

The longest official word ever (1,913 letters) is the term for the formula C1289H2051N343O375S8

Methionylglutaminylarginyltyrosylglutamylserylleuc ylphenyl-
alanylalanylglutaminylleucyllysylglutamylarginylly syglutamyl-
gycylalanylphenylalanylvalylprolylphenylalanylvaly lthreonyl-
leucylglycylaspartylprolylglycyllisoleucylglutamyl glutaminyl-
serylleucyllysylisoleucylaspartylthreonylleucyliso leucyl-
glutamylalanylglycylalanylaspartylalanylleucylglut amylleucyl-
glycylisoleucylprolylphenylalanylserylaspartylprol ylleucyl-
alanylaspartylglycylprolylthreonylisoleucylglutami nylasparaginyl-
alanylthreonylleucylarginylalanylphenylalanylalany lalanyl-
glycylvalylthreonylprolylalanylglutaminylcysteinyl phenylalanyl-
glutamylmethionylleucylalanylleucylisoleucylarginy lglutaminyl-
lysylhistidylprolylthreonylisoleucylprolylisoleucy lglycylleucyl-
leucylmethionyltyrosylalanylasparaginylleucylvalyl phenylalanyl-
asparaginyllysylglycylisoleucylaspartylglutamylphe nylalanyl-
tyrosylalanylglutaminylcysteinylglutamyllysylvalyl glycylvalyl-
aspartylsrylvalylleucylvalylalanylaspartylvalylpro lylvalyl-
glutaminylglutamylserylalanylprolylphenylalanylarg inylglutaminyl-
alanylalanylleucylarginylhistidylasparaginylvalyla lanyl-
prolylisoleucylphenylalanylisoleucylcysteinylproly lprolylaspartyl-
alanylaspartylaspartylaspartylleucylleucylarginylg lutaminyl-
isoleucylalanylseryltyrosylglycylarginylglycyltyro sylthreonyl-
tyrosylleucylleucylserylarginylalanylglycylvalylth reonylglycyl-
alanylglutamylasparaginylarginylalanylalanylleucyl leucyllysyl-
glutamyltyrosylasparaginylalanylalanylprolylprolyl leucylglutaminyl-
glycylphenylalanylglysylisoleucylserylalanylprolyl aspartylglutaminyl-
valyllysylalanylalanylisoleucylaspartylalanylglycy lalanylalanyl-
glycylalanylisoleucylserylglycylserylalanylisoleuc ylvalyllysylisoleucyl-
isoleucylglutamylglutaminylhistidylasparaginylisol eucylglutamyl-
prolylglutamyllysylmethionylleucylalanylalanylleuc yllysylvalylphenyl-
alanylvalylglutaminylprolylmethionyllysylalanylala nylthreonylarginy-
lserine

i can not even read it
i don't know what your opinion is about the longest word but i think we can't consider this kinda words as longest ones
what u think?

m@ys@m

2008/9/10, 07:42 AM

Man said to God --- Why did you make women so beautiful?
God said to man --- So that you will love them.
Man said to God --- But why did you make them so dumb?
God said to man --- So that they will love you.

*********

Customer: Waiter, waiter! There is a frog in my soup!!!
Waiter: Sorry, sir. The fly is on vacation.

*********
A man runs into his house and says to his wife, “honey- I just won the lottery! Pack your bags!”

His wife replies, “Pack my bags? For the beach or for the mountains?”

The husband says, “I don’t care! Pack your bags and get the hell outta my house
!”

*********

A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.
"Wow!," said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?"
"Wrong number," replied the girl.

********

What has 6 eyes but can't see?
3 blind mice

derdevil

2008/9/10, 02:11 PM

love,is the way to overtake a God
:cool:Mikel Angh
عشق,وسیله رسیدن به خداست
میکل آنژ:cool:

derdevil

2008/9/10, 02:12 PM

world when know about the people that the(ABC)invent
Johan ishtainbehk:cool:
جهان وقتی مردم را شناخت که الفبا پیدا شد
جان اشتاین بک:cool:

jaky

2008/9/10, 02:45 PM

still waters run deep
آبهایی که آرامند عمیقند( یعنی فتنه زیر سر آدمهایی است که ساکتند )

khoshgele

2008/9/10, 03:00 PM

;)nothing happens with out love

m@ys@m

2008/9/10, 09:26 PM

"You look very funny wearing that belt."
"I would look even funnier if I didn't wear it."

********

Bank Teller: How do you like the money?
English Student: I like it very much.

************
Customer: Excuse me, but I saw your thumb in my soup when you were carrying it.
Waitress: Oh, that's okay. The soup isn't hot

**************

Teacher: Why are you late?
Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.
Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it?
Student: No. I was standing on it

*****************

Little Johnny: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: Little Johnny, MAY I go to the bathroom?
Little Johnny: But I asked first!

**********************

A: Why are all those people running?
B: They are running a race to get a cup.
A: Who will get the cup?
B: The person who wins.
A: Then why are all the others running?

****************************

Father: What did you do today to help your mother?
Son: I dried the dishes
Daughter: And I helped pick up the pieces.

m@ys@m

2008/9/11, 06:21 AM

Husband says; "When I'm gone you'll never find another man like me".
Wife replied; "What makes you think I'd want another man like you!"

***********

Innkeeper: The room is $15. a night. It's $5. if you make your own bed.
Guest: I'll make my own bed.
Innkeeper: Good. I'll get you some nails and wood

**************

"Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud." "Yes sir, it's fresh ground
."

What four animals does a woman like to have in her house? A tiger in bed, a mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage and a jackass to pay for it all.

***********************

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world" The woman says, "I'll miss you."

sara_hyperactive

2008/9/11, 06:44 PM

how nice they were but unfortunately nowadays there is no friend like this, there is no loyalty and no feeeling between friends:(l

sare_r

2008/9/11, 06:46 PM

از داستان های کوتاه و میشه گفت مبتدی شروع میکنم .:)
ممنون میشم اگه دوستان داستان انگلیسی که دارن اینجا بزارن;)

derdevil

2008/9/15, 02:16 PM

the world build by youngs power and olds mind
werghil:cool::cool:
جهان به نیروی جوان و عقل پیر ساخته شده
ویرژیل:cool::cool:

sare_r

2008/9/16, 12:41 PM

اینم 2 تا داستان کوتاه دیگه.:book:

امیدوارم خوشتون بیاد.:w16:

Parisa R

2008/9/17, 04:11 PM

من نوع نگارش این داستان رو خیلی دوست دارم:

sare_r

2008/9/18, 07:15 PM

داستان the tell-tale heart تقدیم به همه دوستان:victory:

m@ys@m

2008/9/20, 06:19 AM

Jack and jill went up the hill,
to smoke some marajuana,
jack got high,
pulled down his fly,
and asked jill if she wanna.
jill said yes,
pulled up her dress,
and had a little fun,
but stupid jill,
forgot the pill,
and now they have a son

:biggrin::biggrin::biggrin:

m@ys@m

2008/9/20, 06:25 AM

i would like to die in my sleep just like my grandpa... not screaming like his passengers

:biggrin::biggrin::biggrin:

Another Moon?... Possible
Another Sun?... Possible
Another Sky?... Possible
Another person Like U?... Impossible
'Coz God can't make the same Mistake twice

:biggrin::biggrin::biggrin:
U luv sumone... u marry sumone else. The one u marry becomes ur wife or husband & the one u loved becomes the password of your email

Rana-T

2008/9/21, 06:17 AM

WHY WE CRY

A little boy asked his mother, "Why are you crying?"
"Because I'm a woman,"she told him. "I don't understand," he
said. His Mom just hugged him and said, "And you never will."

Later the little boy asked his father, "Why does
mother seem to cry for no reason?" "All women
cry for no reason," was all his dad could say.

The little boy grew up and became a man, still
wondering why women cry.Finally he put in a call to God. When God
got on the phone, he asked,"God, why do women cry so easily?"

God said: "When I made the woman she had to be
special." I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the
weight of the world, yet gentle enough to give comfort.

I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth
and the rejection that many times comes from her
children.

I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep
going when everyone else gives up, and take care
of her family through sickness and fatigue
without complaining.

I gave her the sensitivity to love her children
under any and all circumstances, even
when her child has hurt her very badly.

I gave her strength to carry her husband through
his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.

I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband
never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her
strengths and her resolve to stand beside him
unfalteringly.

And finally, I gave her a tear to shed. This is
hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed.

"You see my son," said God, "the beauty of a
woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that
she carries, or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes,
because that is the doorway to her heart
- the place where love resides."

Rana-T

2008/9/21, 10:33 AM

Life is Beauty

Life is beauty, admire it.

Life is bliss, taste it.

Life is a dream, realize it.

Life is a challenge, meet it.

Life is a duty, complete it.

Life is a game, play it.

Life is a promise, fulfill it.

Life is sorrow, overcome it.

Life is a song, sing it.

Life is a struggle, accept it.

Life is a tragedy, confront it.

Life is an adventure, dare it.

Life is luck, make it.

Life is too precious, do not destroy it.

Life is life, fight for it.

Be lucky

sare_r

2008/9/21, 04:12 PM

سلام
یه داستان کوتاه دیگه;)

semen

2008/9/22, 03:51 PM

If you fall in river there is a boat
if you fall in well there is rope
but if you fall in love there is no hope

semen

2008/9/23, 02:17 PM

I've written nice poem 4 you.
Twinkle Twinkle Little Star..
You should Know What you R
.. & Once you Know What you R..
Mental Hospital is not So Far
:love::love::thumbsup2:..

m@ys@m

2008/9/23, 04:23 PM

i don't know why but i love to see you cry
i don't know why it just makes me feel so high
:cry:

mohammadjavaad

2008/9/23, 04:32 PM

a:when is your birthday
?
b:in the may
a:which year
?
b:every year
:)

semen

2008/9/24, 03:16 AM

!!Don't be afraid to love

Don't be afraid
To love someone
Totally and completely
Love is the most fulfilling
And beautiful feeling in the world
Don't be afraid that you will get hurt
Or that the other person
Won't love you
:love:

semen

2008/9/24, 03:21 AM

You have to live moment to moment, you
Have to live each moment as if it is the last
Moment. So don't waste it in quarreling, in
Nagging or in fighting.
Perhaps you will not find the next moment even
For an apology
:hypocrite:.

Rana-T

2008/9/25, 06:49 AM

THE FLAME OF HOPE SHOULD NEVER GO OUT FROM
YOUR LIFE

نور اميد هرگز از زندگيتان خاموش مباد! :heart:

Rana-T

2008/9/25, 06:50 AM

THE FLAME OF HOPE SHOULD NEVER GO OUT FROM
YOUR LIFE

نور اميد هرگز از زندگيتان خاموش مباد! :heart:

Rana-T

2008/9/25, 06:52 AM

THE FLAME OF HOPE SHOULD NEVER GO OUT FROM
YOUR LIFE

نور اميد هرگز از زندگيتان خاموش مباد! :heart:

Rana-T

2008/9/25, 06:59 AM

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.

bahar_first.lady

2008/9/25, 08:09 AM

ok..life is beauty...but why??? what happen in ur life that make u think life is beautiful???let me know...i thimkits just a euphemism about life not the reality.....:warn:.a

secret_f

2008/9/25, 10:27 AM

Have you ever experienced a moment in your life when you just ran out of words and you go...

s i l e n t ???

Let me assist you in recalling...

.. the moment when you left your home for the first time and you look

back at your parents who are worried that their son/daughter are

leaving them yet happy that their child took the first step towards

independence.

http://aa.mg4.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f3321496%5fAIMIw0MAAHeUSNsdGQBLVEB w66A&pid=2&fid=Inbox&inline=1

... the moment when the girl/boy you like most.. smiled back at you!

You don't say anything.. you just smile back..

http://aa.mg4.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f3321496%5fAIMIw0MAAHeUSNsdGQBLVEB w66A&pid=3&fid=Inbox&inline=1

... the moment when you get better marks than you expected... those

"numb" moments of ecstasy n surprise "is that true?"...

http://aa.mg4.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f3321496%5fAIMIw0MAAHeUSNsdGQBLVEB w66A&pid=4&fid=Inbox&inline=1

.. the moment when you are parting with your old friend(s) and the

train has just started... and you are standing on the door of the

wagon.. waving "bye-bye" with your heart beating fast...

http://aa.mg4.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f3321496%5fAIMIw0MAAHeUSNsdGQBLVEB w66A&pid=5&fid=Inbox&inline=1

... the moment after the HR manager has just called you and told

you,"You are through! Congrats!"

http://aa.mg4.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f3321496%5fAIMIw0MAAHeUSNsdGQBLVEB w66A&pid=6&fid=Inbox&inline=1

... the moment when you sit alone in your room after having told

everyone that you cleared that exam you prepared for 6 months!!

http://aa.mg4.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f3321496%5fAIMIw0MAAHeUSNsdGQBLVEB w66A&pid=7&fid=Inbox&inline=1

You can go on remembering your "special" moments!

I had always wondered why I never said anything to myself at those

moments.. as if it was "understood" ... happiness, joy, pain.. all

feelings just flowed ceaselessly in the 'years' that passed in those

flash moments!

http://aa.mg4.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f3321496%5fAIMIw0MAAHeUSNsdGQBLVEB w66A&pid=8&fid=Inbox&inline=1

;

They say.. the best way to communicate is through "silence".

Love. Joy. Grief. Surprise. Anger. Hope. Expectations. Support.

Non-cooperation. ..

Can you imagine the importance of a silent moment in a song??

When Bryan Adams stops for a while along with music, before he goes

on in his husky voice...

... Please forgive me. I can't stop loving you!

Ever had those moments when you thought you were tired enough that

you reach for your bed after dinner.. but find yourself wide awake

looking at the roof of your room silently...

http://aa.mg4.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f3321496%5fAIMIw0MAAHeUSNsdGQBLVEB w66A&pid=9&fid=Inbox&inline=1

But you sure are 'thinking'.. . those moments of self-talk are the

most important in our lives. Those moments when we listen to our own

hearts! Those promises... those decisions... those are the moments

when we make our destinies!

Next time you go silent... listen carefully to what your heart is

saying.. listen to its joy...listen to its pain.. listen to its

fears.. listen to its desires..

http://aa.mg4.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f3321496%5fAIMIw0MAAHeUSNsdGQBLVEB w66A&pid=10&fid=Inbox&inline=1

Don't make it shut up and go off to sleep...

LISTEN TO THAT VOICE and ACCEPT EVERYTHING IT SAYS!

That voice alone can lead you to the abode of peace that your sleep

lacks... peace that awaits you!

secret_f

2008/9/26, 01:57 PM

Check who is your friend?

http://aa.mg4.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f3342954%5fAIsIw0MAASiESNx6MAvjIwD BoGo&pid=2&fid=Inbox&inline=1

You might be best friends one year,
http://aa.mg4.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f3342954%5fAIsIw0MAASiESNx6MAvjIwD BoGo&pid=3&fid=Inbox&inline=1
pretty good friends the next year,
http://aa.mg4.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f3342954%5fAIsIw0MAASiESNx6MAvjIwD BoGo&pid=4&fid=Inbox&inline=1
don't talk that often the next year,
http://aa.mg4.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f3342954%5fAIsIw0MAASiESNx6MAvjIwD BoGo&pid=5&fid=Inbox&inline=1

and don't want to talk at all the year after that.
So, I just wanted to say,
http://aa.mg4.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f3342954%5fAIsIw0MAASiESNx6MAvjIwD BoGo&pid=6&fid=Inbox&inline=1
even if I never talk to you again in my life,
http://aa.mg4.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f3342954%5fAIsIw0MAASiESNx6MAvjIwD BoGo&pid=7&fid=Inbox&inline=1
you are special to me and you have made a difference in my life,
http://aa.mg4.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f3342954%5fAIsIw0MAASiESNx6MAvjIwD BoGo&pid=8&fid=Inbox&inline=1

I look up to you, respect you, and truly cherish you.
http://aa.mg4.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f3342954%5fAIsIw0MAASiESNx6MAvjIwD BoGo&pid=9&fid=Inbox&inline=1

Send this to all your friends,
http://aa.mg4.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f3342954%5fAIsIw0MAASiESNx6MAvjIwD BoGo&pid=10&fid=Inbox&inline=1
no matter how often you talk,
http://aa.mg4.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f3342954%5fAIsIw0MAASiESNx6MAvjIwD BoGo&pid=11&fid=Inbox&inline=1
or how close you are,
http://aa.mg4.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f3342954%5fAIsIw0MAASiESNx6MAvjIwD BoGo&pid=12&fid=Inbox&inline=1

and send it to the person who sent it to you.
http://aa.mg4.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f3342954%5fAIsIw0MAASiESNx6MAvjIwD BoGo&pid=13&fid=Inbox&inline=1
Let old friends know you haven't forgotten them,
http://aa.mg4.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f3342954%5fAIsIw0MAASiESNx6MAvjIwD BoGo&pid=14&fid=Inbox&inline=1

and tell new friends you never will.
http://aa.mg4.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f3342954%5fAIsIw0MAASiESNx6MAvjIwD BoGo&pid=15&fid=Inbox&inline=1
Remember, everyone needs a friend,
http://aa.mg4.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f3342954%5fAIsIw0MAASiESNx6MAvjIwD BoGo&pid=16&fid=Inbox&inline=1

someday you might feel like you have NO FRIENDS at all,
http://aa.mg4.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f3342954%5fAIsIw0MAASiESNx6MAvjIwD BoGo&pid=17&fid=Inbox&inline=1
just remember this text
http://aa.mg4.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f3342954%5fAIsIw0MAASiESNx6MAvjIwD BoGo&pid=18&fid=Inbox&inline=1

and take comfort in knowing
http://aa.mg4.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f3342954%5fAIsIw0MAASiESNx6MAvjIwD BoGo&pid=19&fid=Inbox&inline=1

somebody out there cares about you

Rana-T

2008/9/27, 10:17 AM

I think the longest word is SMILE because there is a mile distance afetr its first letter S

bahar_nice

2008/9/27, 12:53 PM

LIFE is a woman bathing in the tears of her lovers and anointing herself whit the blood of her victims:heart:

زندگی، زنی است که در سیل اشکهای عاشقانه اش تن می شوید و با خون قربانیانش تدهین می کند.:gol:
جبران خلیل جبران

cctv

2008/10/09, 10:58 AM

hi, as u know in atal matal totole u should select in En its poem is this

Eni mini mani moe
cutch the tiger by its toe
if it howlers let it go
my mother told me to pick
the very best one
and you are not the one
:love:

alijy

2008/10/22, 03:02 AM

"The Easter Bunny"

When I was a little girl, every Sunday my family of six would put on their best clothes and go to Sunday School and then church. The kids in elementary school would all meet together to sing songs, and then later divide into groups based on their ages.

One Easter Sunday, all the kids arrived with big eyes and big stories about what the Easter Bunny had brought. While all of the kids shared their stories with delight, one young boy, whom I shall call Bobby, sat sullenly. One of the teachers, noticing this, said to him, "And what did the Easter Bunny bring you?" He replied, "My mom locked the door on accident so the Easter Bunny couldn't get inside."

This sounded like a reasonable idea to all of us kids, so we kept on going with the stories. My mom knew the true story, though. Bobby's mom was a single parent, and she suspected that they just couldn't afford the Easter Bunny.

After Sunday school was over, everyone went off to church. When my dad came to meet us my mom announced that we were going home instead. At home, she explained that to make Bobby feel better, we were going to pretend to be the Easter Bunny and make a basket of our goodies for him and leave it at church. We all donated some of our candies to the basket, and headed back to church. There, mom unzipped his coat, hung the basket over the hanger, and zipped up the coat and attached a note.

Dear Bobby

I'm sorry I missed your house last night. Happy Easter.

Love,
The Easter Bunny

alijy

2008/10/23, 02:30 PM

"Inside Out It"

He taught me to inside out it.

Two years ago, my friend Mike suggested that I write my own column.Back then, I was writing a newspaper column, but not the type I most wanted to write. Editors kept telling me that there wasn't a market for a column about moments. And, sadly, I was beginning to believe them until Mike told me that I should inside out it. Which he explained, meant that I should start at the end, and simply do it to be it. So that, if I wanted to be a columnist, I should just be one, and begin writing my own online column. So I did. Then, he followed his own advice.

Ten months ago, Mike told me that he wanted to write a movie script. At first, I was sceptical because, in the past, he has had some trouble finishing things. As most of us do. But this time, it was different. He bought screenwriting books and struggled through crafting his story. He spent late nights at a bookstore, working on scenes and making his characters real. He began to talk like a screenwriter.

Then, last week, he told me that he had finished. In ten months, he had gone from someone buying a screenwriting book to someone finishing a script.

He had moved. It had hurt. On some days, it had hurt bad. But he did it. He had taught himself to inside out it. And, somewhere along the way to wanting to be a screenwriter, he became one.

sare_r

2008/11/09, 06:44 PM

Always needed time on my own

I never thought I'd need you there when I cry

And the days feel like years when I'm alone

And the bed where you lie

is made up on your side

When you walk away

I count the steps that you take

Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone

The pieces of my heart are missing you

When you're gone

The face I came to know is missing too

When you're gone

The words I need to hear to always get me through the day

And make it OK

I miss you

I haven't felt this way before

Everything that I do

reminds me of you

And the clothes you left

are lying on the floor

And they smell just like you

I love the things that you do

When you walk away

I count the steps that you take

Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone

The pieces of my heart are missing you

When you're gone

The face I came to know is missing too

When you're gone

The words I need to hear to always get me through the day

And make it OK

I miss you

We were made for each other

I'm here forever

I know we were

Oh oh oh oh oh

All I ever wanted was for you to know

Everything I do I give my heart and soul

I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me

Yeah

When you're gone

The pieces of my heart are missing you

When you're gone

The face I came to know is missing too

When you're gone

The words I need to hear to always get me through the day

And make it OK

I miss you

از دوستان اگه کسی mp3 این اهنگ رو می خواد واسش میل میکنم چون هر کاری میکنم الان اپلود نمیشه...

cctv

2008/11/10, 12:51 AM

A winner
makes commiment
a loser
makes promise

A winner says
Lets find out
a loser says
nobody knows

when a winner makes mistak he says
I was wrong
when a loser makes a mistake he says
It wasnot my fault

A winner works harder than a loser
and has mor time
a loser is always too busy to do what is necessary

What do you think
Who is awinner
:gol: Who is aloser

secret_f

2008/11/10, 01:10 AM

a loser is always too busy to do what is necessary
nice....tnx

cctv

2008/11/11, 11:59 PM

A winner
isnot nearly afraid of losing
as a loser
is afraid of winning

A winner
gose through a problem
a loser
gose around it
and never past it

A winner
knows what to fight for
and what to compromise
a loser
compromise on what he shouldnot
and fights for what isnot worthwhile
fighting about

A winner
shows he is sorry
by making up for it
a loser
says "I am sorry
but dose the same thing the next time
:gol:

secret_f

2008/11/13, 12:01 AM

Some feel that problems exist only in childhood or at early stage of life like this

http://www.gigaimage.com/images/ifpjzzo3duy6c5kqdidj.gif

Some feel that problems exist only when we disturb someone like this

http://www.gigaimage.com/images/mz4i3ecd2o94irsdp3k.gif

Some feel that problems exist only when we are in love with someone like this

http://www.gigaimage.com/images/z6ace0o6lsgi7k0u4abd.gif

Some feel that problems exist only when we are ready to take anything like this

http://www.gigaimage.com/images/z6fsemjdjf7ji9wdwk15.gif

Some feel that problems exist only when we do things blindly like this

http://www.gigaimage.com/images/3moh8nigwtjl1boc76t.gif

Some feel that problems exist only when we try to aim at very huge things like this

http://www.gigaimage.com/images/4pdnboc7ujvoxqv1o44x.gif

Some feel that problems exist only when we try to assess others as useless like this
http://www.gigaimage.com/images/dgk2d6v91alkhc9vfmcc.gif

sam-smith

2008/11/15, 11:25 PM

سلام :gol:

این کتاب کوتاه نیست اما گفتم اینجا باشه به درد می خوره
The GodFather اثر Mario Puzo

Dariush30

2008/11/21, 09:26 PM

ممنون ميشم اگه داستان‌هاي انگليسي رو تو سايت بذاريد.

سلام وقتون بخیر :smoke:
واستون دوتا لینک میزارم امیدوارم خوشحال بشین!:w11:
http://vahidrezai.iranblog.com/
http://www.okhdar.com/article397.html
البته دوستان،شما میتونید توی اون عضو شید تا واستون داستان بفرسته......
شاد و خوشحال باشید:w33:

Modernist

2008/12/05, 05:03 PM

for reducing of adverbial clauses the subjects of both clauses must be the same to shorten them
:for example

Same Time

while-adverb clause
.While John Was walking home,he came across a skunk

while-modifying phrase
.While walking home,he came across a skunk

Earlier

before-adverb clause
.Before Anne left home,she locked the doors

before-modifying phrase
.Before leaving home,she locked the doors

cctv

2008/12/07, 04:01 PM

A winner isn’t afraid to leave the road when he doesn’t agree with the direction it is taking
A loser
follows the middle of the road , no matter where the road is going .

A winner
hopes for a miracle after every thing else has failed.
A loser
hopes for miracle before any thing has been tried.

A winner in the end gives more than he takes.
A loser
dies clinging to the illusion that winning means taking more than you give.

A winner
is sympathetic to weakness in others, because he understands and accepts his own weakness
A loser
is contemptuous toward weakness in others, because he despise and rejects his own weakness.

A winner isn’t afraid to leave the road when he doesn’t agree with the direction it is taking
A loser
follows the middle of the road , no matter where the road is going .

A winner
hopes for a miracle after every thing else has failed.
A loser
hopes for miracle before any thing has been tried.

A winner in the end gives more than he takes.
A loser
dies clinging to the illusion that winning means taking more than you give.

A winner
is sympathetic to weakness in others, because he understands and accepts his own weakness
A loser
is contemptuous toward weakness in others, because he despise and rejects his own weakness.

sare_r

2008/12/27, 07:28 PM

Tell me with perfection in your voice
That you never really had a choice
Place on me the burden of the past
Offer me the future and take it back

Show me what you never meant to show
Tell me what I'm not supposed to know
Contradict me when you're in the wrong
Don't commit to anything at all

My life is null and void
Dismantled and destroyed
My life is null and void
My life is null and void

Fill me with compassion and concern
Thrill me with an unexpected turn
Tempt me with the secrets that you hold
Don't divulge until you're in control

Show me what you never meant to show
Tell me what I'm not supposed to know
Contradict me when you're in the wrong
Don't commit to anything at all

My life is null and void
Dismantled and destroyed
My life is null and void
My life is null and void

My life is null and void
Dismantled and destroyed
My life is null and void
My life is null and void

My life is null and void
Dismantled and destroyed
My life is null and void
My life is null and void

پوچ و باطل

با علاقه و محبتي که توي صدات هست بهم بگو
که هيچ وقت هيچ انتخابي نداشتي
بار گذشته رو روي دوش من بذار
به من آينده ر وبده(تعارف کن)و پسش بگير

چيزي که هيچ وقت نمي خواستي نشون بدي رو نشونم بده
چيزي که قرار نيست بدونم رو بهم بگو
وقتي در اشتباهي حرف منو تکذيب کن
اصلا مرتکب هيچ کاري نشو

زندگي من پوچ و باطل است
خالي و نابود شده
زندگي من پوچ و باطله
زندگي من پوچ و باطله

منو از دلسوزي و نگراني پر کن
منو با يه چرخش غير منتظره بچرخون
منو با رازهايي که نگه ميداري وسوسه کن
تا تحت کنترل نيستي افشا نکن

چيزي که هيچ وقت نمي خواستي نشون بدي رو نشونم بده
چيزي که قرار نيست بدونم رو بهم بگو
وقتي در اشتباهي حرف منو تکذيب کن
اصلا مرتکب هيچ کاري نشو

t.A.T.u

m@ys@m

2009/1/03, 06:03 AM

wat is ur opinion abt this one????

Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis:eek:

that is disease of the lungs caused by inhalation of tiny particles of silica

i think if we say the meaning of the word i takes less time and we know that we don't mispronounce it
:surprised:

m@ys@m

2009/1/03, 06:16 AM

m@ys@m

2009/1/03, 11:37 AM

The limerick is a humorous, nonsense verse consisting of a triplet and couplet, which results in the person creating a five line poem.
Often, limericks begins with "There once was" or "There was a."
Lines 1, 2, 5 are the triplet and rhyme; lines 3, 4 form a rhyming couplet

There was an old lady from Clyde
Who ate forty apples and died
The apples fermented
inside the lamented
and made cider inside her insides

2. There was a young maid from Madras
Who had a magnificent ass;
Not rounded and pink,
As you probably think---
It was grey, had long ears, and ate grass.

3. There once was a lady named Lynn
Who was so uncommonly thin,
that when she assayed
to drink lemonade,
she slipped through the straw and fell in!

4. There once was a lady named Perkins
Who simply doted on Gherkins
They were so nice
She ate too much spice
and pickled her internal workin's

5. A mouse in her room woke Miss Doud
Who was frightened and screamed very loud
Then a happy thought hit her
To scare off the critter
She sat up in bed and just meowed

m@ys@m

2009/1/03, 11:39 AM

There was a young lady one fall
Who wore a newspaper dress to a ball.
The dress caught fire
And burned her entire
Front page, sporting section and all.

7. There once was a lady, Ilene,
Who lived on distilled kerosene,
But she started absorbin'
A new hydrocarbon
and since then she'd never benzene

8. There once was an old man of Esser,
Whose knowledge grew lesser and lesser,
It at last grew so small
He knew nothing at all,
And now he's a college professor.

9. The once was a woman named Pat
Who just ate butter and sat;
She withered away
Until one day
Nothing was left butter fat.

10. There was a golfer from Verdun
Who was not to be outdone.
To avoid glitches
He carried spare britches
In case he got a hole in one.

m@ys@m

2009/1/03, 11:41 AM

By beauty I am not a star.
There are others more handsome by far.
My face I don't mind it.
Because I'm behind it.
It's the people in front that I jar.

12 There was a young fellow of Leeds
Who swallowed six packets of seeds.
In a month, silly ass,
He was covered with grass,
And he couldn't sit down for the weeds.

13. A man called Fiddle, you see,
Was a student of divinity.
"When I graduate
'Twill be my poor fate
To be known as Fiddle D.D.!"

14 Once in the rain I saw a man,
Strolling with an umbrella in hand.
When I said it was insane
To walk in the rain,
He said "Well then, I'll just stand".

16. There once was a man from Nantucket
Who kept all his cash in a bucket.
But his daughter, named Nan,
Ran away with a man
And as for the bucket, Nantucket.

Parisa R

2009/1/03, 09:53 PM

The longest officially recognized place name in an English-speaking country is

Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipukakapiki maungahoronukupokaiwhenuakitanatahul (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateapokaiwhenuakit anatahu)

(85 letters) which is a hill in New Zealand (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_Zealand).

do u want to go there just pronounce it twice then i myself will take u there wat u say????

where we wanna go??
:confused::confused:

Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipukakapiki maungahoronukupokaiwhenuakitanatahu is the Māori (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M%C4%81ori_language) name for a hill, 305 metres (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metre) (1,000 ft (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Foot_%28length%29)) high, close to Porangahau (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Porangahau), south of Waipukurau (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Waipukurau) in southern Hawke's Bay (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hawke%27s_Bay_%28region%29), New Zealand (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_Zealand). The name is often shortened to Taumata by the locals for ease of conversation. The New Zealand Geographic Placenames Database, maintained by Land Information New Zealand, records the name as "Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateapokaiwhenuakit anatahu", a hill at 40.3480 S, 176.5321 E.[1] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateapokaiwhenuakit anatahu#cite_note-0) It has gained a measure of fame as one of the longest place-names in the world. It is featured in a Mountain Dew (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mountain_Dew) jingle and part of it is also in the 1979 single "Lone Ranger" by British band Quantum Jump (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quantum_Jump). It is the subject of a 1960 song by the New Zealand balladeer Peter Cape (http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Peter_Cape&action=edit&redlink=1).

so there will be no need to read all of it , I may simply say Taumata , Taumata...it's ur turn to take me there:w15::w15::w15::w15:

elena1

2009/1/13, 11:43 AM

The Attractive Facts of Life

حقايقي جالب از زندگي

At least 5 people in this world love you so much they would die for you
حداقل پنج نفر در این دنیا هستند که به حدی تو را دوست دارند، که حاضرند برایت بمیرند

At least 15 people in this world love you, in some way
حداقل پانزده نفر در این دنیا هستند که تو را به یک نحوی دوست دارند

The only reason anyone would ever hate you, is because they want to be just like you
تنها دلیلی که باعث میشود یک نفر از تو متنفر باشد، اینست که می‌خواهد دقیقاً مثل تو باشد

A smile from you, can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you
یک لبخند از طرف تو میتواند موجب شادی کسی شود
حتی کسانی که ممکن است تو را نشناسند

Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before he/ she goes to sleep
هر شب، یک نفر قبل از اینکه به خواب برود به تو فکر می‌کند

You are special and unique, in your own way
تو در نوع خود استثنایی و بی‌نظیر هستی

Someone that you don't know even exists, loves you
یک نفر تو را دوست دارد، که حتی از وجودش بی‌اطلاع هستی

When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it
وقتی بزرگترین اشتباهات زندگیت را انجام می‌دهی ممکن است منجر به اتفاق خوبی شود

When you think the world has turned it's back on you, take a look
you most likely turned your back on the world
وقتی خیال می‌کنی که دنیا به تو پشت کرده، یه خرده فکر کن،
شاید این تو هستی که پشت به دنیا کرده‌ای

Always tell someone how you feel about them
you will feel much better when they know
همیشه احساست را نسبت به دیگران برای آنها بیان کن،
وقتی آنها از احساست نسبت به خود آگاه می‌شوند احساس بهتری خواهی داشت

If you have great friends, take the time to let them know that they are great
وقتی دوستان فوق‌العاده‌ای داشتی به آنها فرصت بده تا متوجه شوند که فوق‌العاده هستند

Saeed Esmaili

2009/1/21, 08:06 PM

A real friend
is one who walks in
when the rest
of the world walks out.

یک دوست واقعی اونی هستش که وقتی میاد

که تموم دنیا از پیشت رفتن.

Saeed Esmaili

2009/1/21, 08:08 PM

life is a road and you are its passengers so , be careful about the value of your times , maybe you wont be in the road tomorrow

زندگی مثل یه جاده است ، من و تو مسافراشیم ، قدر لحظه ها رو بدونیم ، ممکنه فردا نباشیم

Saeed Esmaili

2009/1/22, 12:44 PM

If you are poor, shun association with him who measures the men with the yardstick of riches.

اگر فقیر هستی از اجتناب کن از کسی که آدمها رو با معیار ثروت می سنجد

Saeed Esmaili

2009/1/22, 12:45 PM

Live in such a way that those who know you but
don't know God will come to know God because they know you

چنان زندگی کن که کسانی که تو را می شناسند، اما خدا را نمی شناسند
به واسطه آشنایی با تو، با خدا آشنا شوند

Hamed_Saha

2009/1/30, 04:02 AM

Live as though it were your last day on earth.
some day you will be right!!

به گونه اي زندگي كن كه انگار امروز آخرين روز زندگي ات در اين دنياست؛
بالاخره يك روز اين حرف درست از آب در مي آيد!!!

marya_com

2009/2/01, 10:45 AM

Demographics:
o World Jewish Population. 14 million
o Distribution: 7 m in America
5 m in Asia
2 m in Europe
100 thousand in Africa
o World Muslim Population: 1.5 billion
o Distribution: 1 billion in Asia/Mid-East
400 M in Africa
44 M in Europe
6 M in the Americas
o Every fifth human being is a Muslim.
o For every single Hindu there are two Muslims
o For every Buddhist there are two Muslims
o For every Jew there are 107 Muslims
o Yet the 14 million Jews are more powerful than the entire 1.5 billion Muslims

Why?

Here are some of the reasons.

Movers of Current History
o Albert Einstein Jewish
o Sigmund Freud Jewish
o Karl Marx Jewish
o Paul Samuelson Jewish
o Milton Friedman Jewish

Medical Milestones
o Vaccinating Needle: Benjamin Ruben Jewish
o Polio Vaccine Jonas Salk Jewish
o Leukaemia Drug Gertrude Elion Jewish
o Hepatitis B Baruch Blumberg Jewish
o Syphilis Drug Paul Ehrlich Jewish
o Neuro muscular Elie Metchnikoff Jewish
o Endocrinology Andrew Schally Jewish
o Cognitive therapy. Aaron Beck Jewish
o Contraceptive Pill Gregory Pincus Jewish
o Understanding of Human Eye. G. Wald Jewish
o Embryology. Stanley Cohen Jewish
o Kidney Dialysis Willem Kloffcame Jewish

Nobel Prize Winners
o In the past 105 years, 14 million Jews have won 180 Nobel prizes whilst 1.5 billion Muslims have contributed only 3 Nobel winners

Inventions that changed History
o Micro- Processing Chip. Stanley Mezor Jewish
o Nuclear Chain Reactor Leo Sziland Jewish
o Optical Fibre Cable Peter Schultz Jewish
o Traffic Lights Charles Adler Jewish
o Stainless Steel Benno Strauss Jewish
o Sound Movies Isador Kisee Jewish
o Telephone Microphone Emile Berliner Jewish
o Video Tape Recorder Charles Ginsburg Jewish

Influential Global Business
o Polo Ralph Lauren Jewish
o Coca Cola Jewish
o Levi's Jeans Levi Strauss Jewish
o Sawbuck's Howard Schultz Jewish
o Google Sergey Brin Jewish
o Dell Computers Michael Dell Jewish
o Oracle Larry Ellison Jewish
o DKNY Donna Karan Jewish
o Baskin & Robbins Irv Robbins Jewish
o Dunkin Donuts Bill Rosenberg Jewish

Influential Intellectuals/ Politicians
o Henry Kissinger , US Sec of State Jewish
o Richard Levin, PresidentYaleUniver sity Jewish
o Alan Greenspan , US Federal Reserve Jewish
o Joseph Lieberman Jewish
o Madeleine Albright , US Sec of State Jewish
o CasperWeinberger , US Sec of Defence Jewish
o Maxim Litvinov , USSR Foreign Minister Jewish
o DavidMarshal , Singapore Chief Minister Jewish
o Isaacs Isaacs, Gov-GenAustralia Jewish
o Benjamin Disraeli, British Statesman Jewish
o Yevgeny Primakov, Russian PM Jewish
o Barry Goldwater , US Politician Jewish
o Jorge Sampaio, President Portugal Jewish
o Herb Gray, Canadian Deputy - PM Jewish
o Pierre Mendes, French PM Jewish
o Michael Howard, British Home Sec. Jewish
o Bruno Kriesky, Austrian Chancellor Jewish
o Robert Rubin , US Sec of Treasury Jewish

Global Media Influential
o Wolf Blitzer, CNN Jewish
o Barbara Walters ABC News Jewish
o EugeneMeyer , Washington Post Jewish
o Henry Grunwald, Time Magazine Jewish
o Katherine Graham , Washington Post Jewish
o Joseph Lelyeld, New York Times Jewish
o Max Frankel, New York Times Jewish

Global Philanthropists
o George Soros Jewish
o Walter Annenberg Jewish

Why are they powerful? why are Muslims powerless?

Here's another reason. We have lost the capacity to produce knowledge.

o In the entire Muslim World (57 Muslim Countries) there are only 500 universities.
o In USA alone, 5,758 universities
o In India alone, 8,407 universities
o Not one university in the entire Islamic World features in the Top 500 Ranking Universities of the World
o Literacy in the Christian World 90%
o Literacy in the Muslim World 40%
o 15 Christian majority-countries, literacy rate 100%
o Muslim majority - countries , None
o 98% in Christian countries completed primary
o Only 50% in Muslim countries completed primary.
o 40% in Christian countries attended university
o In Muslim countries a dismal 2% attended.
o Muslim majority countries have 230 scientists per one million Muslims
o The USA has 5000 per million
o The Christian world 1000 technicians per million.
o Entire Arab World only 50 technicians per million.
o Muslim World spends on research/developmen t 0.2% of GDP
o Christian World spends 5 % of GDP

Conclusion.
o The Muslim World lacks the capacity to produce knowledge.

Another way of testing the degree of knowledge is the degree of diffusing knowledge.

o Pakistan 23 daily newspapers per 1000 citizens
o Singapore 460 per 1000 citizens.
o In UK book titles per million is 2000
o In Egypt book titles per million is only 17

Conclusion.
o Muslim World is failing to diffuse knowledge

Applying Knowledge is another such test.
o Exports of high tech products from Pakistan is 0.9% of its exports.
o In Saudi Arabia is 0.2%
o Kuwait , Morocco and Algeria 0..3%
o Singapore alone is 68%

Conclusion.
o Muslim World is failing to apply knowledge.

What do you conclude?

no need to tellthe figures are speaking themselves very loudly we are unable to listen

Advice:
Please educate yourself and your children. always promote education, don't compromise on it, don't ignore your children's slightest misguidance from education (and please, for God's Sake, don't use your personal contacts or sources to promote your children in their education; if they fail, let them and make them learn to pass; b/c if they can't do it now, they can't ever).
We are World's biggest and strongest nation, all we need is to identify and explore our ownselves. Our victory is with our knowledge, our creativity, our literacy...And nothing else.

....Wakeup...
web : www.binler.com (http://www.binler.com/)

marya_com

2009/2/01, 10:52 AM

Terrorists are not born, they are forced to become.
During the bomb blasts done by Israel last month(Dec 2008), around 600 innocents have been brutally killed. US, UK, UN are all watching this human genocide. With the blessings of European Countries, Israel is killing innocents mercilessly.
Even now Media will not call US, UK, Israel and its allies as terrorists or at least "Sponsors of terrors".

Please see the images below to witness the last moments of a dying mother. :((

web : www.binler.com (http://www.binler.com/)

Last Moments of A Dying Mother and Her Child....in Palestine

http://f397.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f25692%5fADJqv9EAADWySXh73wOTemEkC V4&pid=5&fid=Inbox&inline=1http://f397.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f25692%5fADJqv9EAADWySXh73wOTemEkC V4&pid=4&fid=Inbox&inline=1

just a dream

2009/2/02, 01:22 PM

My heart will go on

Every night in my dreams

I see you, I feel you

That is how I know you

Go on

Far across the distance and spaces between us

You have come to show you

Go on
Near, far , wherever you are

I believe that the heart does

Go on

Once more you open the door

And you're here in my heart and my heart will go on and on

Love can touch us one time and last for a lifetime

And never let go till we're gone

Love was when I loved you

One true time I hold to

In my life will always

Go on

Near, far, wherever you are

I believe that the heart does

Go on

Once more you open the door

And you're here in my heart and my heart will go on and on

You're here, there's nothing I fear

And I know that my heart will go on

We'll stay forever this way

You are safe in my heart and my heart will go on and on

SoLTAnEH

2009/2/09, 10:25 PM

Once a Girl when having a conversation with her lover, asked
یك بار دختری حین صحبت با پسری كه عاشقش بود، ازش پرسید

Why do you like me..? Why do you love me?
چرا دوستم داری؟ واسه چی عاشقمی؟

I can't tell the reason... but I really like you
دلیلشو نمیدونم ...اما واقعا"‌دوست دارم

You can't even tell me the reason... how can you say you like me?
تو هیچ دلیلی رو نمي توني عنوان كني... پس چطور دوستم داری؟

How can you say you love me?
چطور میتونی بگی عاشقمی؟

I really don't know the reason, but I can prove that I love U
من جدا"دلیلشو نمیدونم، اما میتونم بهت ثابت كنم

Proof ? No! I want you to tell me the reason
ثابت كنی؟ نه! من میخوام دلیلتو بگی

Ok..ok!!! Erm... because you are beautiful,
باشه.. باشه!!! میگم... چون تو خوشگلی،

because your voice is sweet,
صدات گرم و خواستنیه،

because you are caring,
همیشه بهم اهمیت میدی،

because you are loving,
دوست داشتنی هستی،

because you are thoughtful,
با ملاحظه هستی،

because of your smile,
بخاطر لبخندت،

The Girl felt very satisfied with the lover's answer
دختر از جوابهای اون خیلی راضی و قانع شد

Unfortunately, a few days later, the Lady met with an accident and went in coma
متاسفانه، چند روز بعد، اون دختر تصادف وحشتناكی كرد و به حالت كما رفت

The Guy then placed a letter by her side
پسر نامه ای رو كنارش گذاشت با این مضمون

Darling, Because of your sweet voice that I love you, Now can you talk?
عزیزم، گفتم بخاطر صدای گرمت عاشقتم اما حالا كه نمیتونی حرف بزنی، میتونی؟

No! Therefore I cannot love you
نه ! پس دیگه نمیتونم عاشقت بمونم

Because of your care and concern that I like you Now that you cannot show them, therefore I cannot love you
گفتم بخاطر اهمیت دادن ها و مراقبت كردن هات دوست دارم اما حالا كه نمیتونی برام اونجوری باشی، پس منم نمیتونم دوست داشته باشم

Because of your smile, because of your movements that I love you
گفتم واسه لبخندات، برای حركاتت عاشقتم

Now can you smile? Now can you move? No , therefore I cannot love you
اما حالا نه میتونی بخندی نه حركت كنی پس منم نمیتونم عاشقت باشم

If love needs a reason, like now, There is no reason for me to love you anymore
اگه عشق همیشه یه دلیل میخواد مثل همین الان، پس دیگه برای من دلیلی واسه عاشق تو بودن وجود نداره

Does love need a reason?
عشق دلیل میخواد؟

NO! Therefore!!
نه!معلومه كه نه!!

I Still LOVE YOU...
پس من هنوز هم عاشقتم

True love never dies for it is lust that fades away
عشق واقعی هیچوقت نمی میره

Love bonds for a lifetime but lust just pushes away
این هوس است كه كمتر و كمتر میشه و از بین میره

Immature love says: "I love you because I need you"
"عشق خام و ناقص میگه:"من دوست دارم چون بهت نیاز دارم

Mature love says "I need you because I love you"
"ولی عشق كامل و پخته میگه:"بهت نیاز دارم چون دوست دارم

"Fate Determines Who Comes Into Our Lives, But Heart Determines Who Stays"
"سرنوشت تعيين ميكنه كه چه شخصي تو زندگيت وارد بشه، اما قلب حكم مي كنه كه چه شخصي در قلبت بمونه"

m2002k

2009/3/08, 03:14 PM

love is wide ocean that joins two shores

عشق اقيانوس وسيعي است که دو ساحل رابه يکديگر پيوند ميدهد

Lord HellisH

2009/3/09, 07:49 PM

I think that if there were a God, there would be less evil on this earth. I believe that if evil exists here below, then either it was willed by God or it was beyond His powers to prevent it. Now I cannot bring myself to fear a God who is either spiteful or weak. I defy Him without fear and care not a fig for his thunderbolts.

گمان می کنم که اگر خدایی وجود داشت، شرارت کمتری بر روی زمین وجود داشت، معتقدم که اگر شیطان بر روی زمین هست، یا خواسته یک خدا بوده یا مقابله با آن فراتر از قدرت آن بوده است، پس نمی توانم خودم را قانع کنم که از یک خدای ضعیف یا بدخواه بترسم، پس او را بدون هیچ ترسی انکار می کنم و برای رعد و برق هایش ذره ای ارزش قائل نیستم.

nazliii

2009/3/14, 10:17 PM

Love Means To See SomeOne
With Closed Eyes , To Miss Some One In Crowd . . .
عشق یعنی با چشم بسته کسی را دیدن و از بین همه دلتنگ یک نفر شدن . . .
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

nazliii

2009/3/14, 10:19 PM

Dont Wait Until It Is Too Latet , Tell SomeOne How Much You Love
How Much You Care , Because When They're Gone No Matter How Loud You Shout
And Cry , They Won't Hear You Anymore . . .
صبر نکن ، هرچه قدر هم دیر شده ، بهش بگو چقدر عاشقشی چه قدر برای تو اهمیت داره ، چون اگه اون بره دیگه مهم نیست هرچه قدر که تو فریاد بزنی و بلند گریه کنی ، اون دیگه صداتو نمیشنوه . .
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

nazliii

2009/3/14, 10:20 PM

To Find Some On In Eve Tought , To Life For SomeOne , Love SomeOne
But Sure That Some One Is Only One . . .
برای یکی زندگی کن ، و عاشق یکی باش اما مطمئن باش که اون یک نفر یک نفره . . .
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

nazliii

2009/3/14, 10:22 PM

Thoes We Love Never Go Away , Ther Walke Beside Us every Day
Un Seen... Un Hear... Still Near ... Still Loves ... Still Missed
And Still Very Dear . . .
اونائی که ما عاشقشون هستیم هیچ وقت از ما دور نمیشوند هر روز کنار ما راه میروند اما دیده نمیشوند ... شنیده نمیشوند و هنوز نزدیک و هنوز عاشق ... هنوز دلتنگ و خیلی عزیز . . .
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

پیرجو

2009/3/14, 10:36 PM

I am familiar with most people's mentality, but i dont know who really i am. i am too close to myself to be able to do that. i'm not the one who i think i am. if i was as far to myself as my enemies were, it would have been much better.

من روحیه ی انسان های بسیاری را می شناسم، اما نمی دانم خودم کی هستم. چشم من بیش از حد به خودم نزدیک است. من آن کسی که می بینم نیستم و می دانم اگر از خودم دورتر بودم یا در واقع به اندازه ی دشمن خود از خودم دور بودم برای خود مفید تر می بودم.

farzad84

2009/3/15, 12:17 PM

لینک دانلود :

http://www.pm-hr.com/article/powerpoint/Rich_Poor.pps

مطلب لاتین

بری دیدن آن نیاز به برنامه پاورپوینت دارید.

با اجازه از سایت معاونت توسعه منابع انسانی و پرورش وزارت نفت جمهوری اسلامی ایران

farzad84

2009/3/16, 12:39 PM

mr30 گلم دستت درد نکنه بسیار زیبا و قشنگ بود.
Fate Determines Who Comes Into Our Lives, But Heart Determines Who Stays

King Paker

2009/3/29, 06:32 AM

Pablo Neruda - Love

http://boppin.com/images/neruda.gif

Because of you, in gardens of blossoming flowers I ache from the
perfumes of spring.
I have forgotten your face, I no longer remember your hands;
how did your lips feel on mine?
Because of you, I love the white statues drowsing in the parks,
the white statues that have neither voice nor sight.
I have forgotten your voice, your happy voice; I have forgotten
your eyes.
Like a flower to its perfume, I am bound to my vague memory of
you. I live with pain that is like a wound; if you touch me, you will
do me irreparable harm.
Your caresses enfold me, like climbing vines on melancholy walls.
I have forgotten your love, yet I seem to glimpse you in every
window.
Because of you, the heady perfumes of summer pain me; because
of you, I again seek out the signs that precipitate desires: shooting
stars, falling objects.

roshanshab

2009/4/15, 06:54 PM

you're whole life is before you

شما هنوز جوانيد :smile:

roshanshab

2009/4/15, 07:01 PM

you will leave life even more beautiful than you entered it

تو زندگي رو حتي زيباتر از چيزي که واردش شدي ترک ميکني

رز سیاه

2009/6/18, 11:17 AM

این یه داستان طنز انگلیسی امیدوارم از خوندنش لذت ببرید ;););):D:D:D:):):)
Mr Robinson won a lot of money on the football pools but he did not know what the best thing to do with it would be so he went to a friend who knew a lot about money matters the friend said:go and buy some modern paintings their value goes up every year. Mr Rabinson went to good art shop and looked at some modern paintings he did not understand them at all and thought that they were trrible and also very expensive at last he saw a small picture which did not have a price on it it was square and white and had a blak spot in themiddle and a narrow brass frame Mr Rabinson liked it better than any of the others in the shope how much is thisone? he said to the shopkeeper that sir is that electric light swich.the shopkeeper answerd:D:biggrin::biggrin::D

Nedanino

2009/7/20, 10:23 PM

اس ام اس عاشقانه (http://www.cfon.ir/) انگلیسی

“Love is when someone hurts you. And you get so mad butyou don’t yell at him because you know it would hurt his feelings.”

عشق یعنی وقتی کسی شما را ناراحت می‌کنه. و شما غمگین می‌شوید ولی سر او داد نمی‌زنید، چون احساسات اون جریحه دار می‌شه.

“Love is when you go out to eat and givesomebody most of your French fries without making them give you any oftheirs.”

عشق یعنی وقتی می‌روید بیرون تا چیزی بخورید، بیشتر سیب‌زمینی سرخ کرده‌ی خود را به او می‌دهید بدون اینکه او یکی از آن‌ها را هم به شما ندهد

“Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddyand she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste isOK.”

عشق یعنی وقتی مادرم برای پدرم قهوه درست میکنه و قبل از اینکه به پدرم بدهد اونو می‌چشه، برای اینکه مطمئن بشه عالیه.

“You can break love, but it won’t die.”

شما می‌تونید عشق را بشکنید ولی کشته نخواهد شد.

“I know my older sister loves me because she gives meall her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.”

میدونم که خواهر بزرگترم مرا دوست دارد برای اینکه لباس‌های قدیمشو به من میده و خودش میره یه دونه جدیدشو میخره.

“Love is when mommy sees daddy smelly and sweaty andstill says he is handsome.”

عشق یعنی وقتی مادر به بابای عرق کرده و بدبو نگاه میکنه میگه اون هنوز خوش‌تیپه

(http://www.cfon.ir/)

Nedanino

2009/7/20, 10:25 PM

1- Don't go for looks,

they candeceive

Don't gofor wealth

even thatfades away.

Go forsum1 who makes u

smilebecoz only a smile makes

a dark dayseem bright..

دنبال نگاه ها نرو،

ممکنه فریبت بدن

دنبال ثروت نرو

چون حتی ثروت هم یه روزی نا پدید میشه

دنبال کسی برو که باعث میشه لبخند بزنی

چون فقط یه لبخنده که میتونه

باعث بشه یه روز خیلی تاریک، کاملا روشن به نظر بیاد

2- As days go by, my feelings get stronger,

To be inur arms, I can't wait any longer.

Look intomy eyes & u'll see that it's true,

Day & Night my thoughts r of U..

هرچی که روزها میگذرن، احساسات من قوی تر میشه

برای در آغوش تو بودن نمیتونم بیش از این صبر کنم

به چشمام نگاه کن، خواهی دید که حرفام راسته

شب و روز تمام افکارم ماله تو هستن

3- All I wanted was sum1 2 care 4 me

All Iwanted was sum1 who'd b there 4 me

All I everwanted was sum1 who'd b true

All I everwanted was sum1 like U...

تمام چیزی که میخواستم یه نفر بود که بهم اهمیت بده

یه نفر که بخاطر من اینجا باشه

تمام چیزی که میخواستم یه نفر بود که باهام رو راست باشه

تمام چیزی که میخواستم یه نفر بود که دقیقا مثل تو باشه!

4- Love is like a CD track

That linksour hearts together

Dont everbreak that CD coz

That wudbreak my heart too.........

عشق مثل ترک های یک سی دی میمونه

که قلب های مارو به هم پیوند میده

هرگز سعی نکن که اون سی دی رو بشکنی

چون اینکارت ممکنه باعث بشه قلب من هم بشکنه

Nedanino

2009/7/20, 10:26 PM

5- Message:some text missing*

Sender:Name Missing*

*NumberMissing

*Sentatemissing

*Missing Ua lot thats y

everythingis missing....

پیام : متن پیام از دست رفته

فرستنده : نام فرستنده مشخص نیست

تاریخ ارسال : تاریخ ارسال معلوم نیست

دلم واسه ی تو خیلی تنگ شده واسه ی همینه که همه چیز گم شده و از دست رفته!

(این اس ام اس بازیه زیباییه با کلمه ی missing)

6- softly d leaves of memories wil fal,

i'll pickthem up & gather them all,

coz 2day, 2moro & til my life is through

i'llcherish having sum1 like u!

برگ های خاطره ها به آرامی میریزن

و من بلندشون میکنم و اونها رو گرد هم میارم

چون امروز، فردا و تا وقتی که زندگی من ادامه داره

بخاطر داشتن شخصی مثل تو خوشحال خواهم بود

7- I m on a mission:

Misson 2avoid u,

2 forgetu, 2 get rid of u,

2 not 2talk 2u or meet u,

inshort....

MISSIONIMPOSSIBLE!!

من در یک ماموریتم

ماموریتی برای دوری از تو

ماموریتی برای فراموش کردنت و فرار کردن از دستت

که باهات صحبت نکنم و تورو نبینم

در یک کلام :

ماموریت غیر ممکن!!!

8- D smallest word is I,

thesweetest word is LOVE

and thedearest person

in theworld is U.

tats y ILove You..

i (من) کوتاه ترین کلمه ی دنیاست

شیرین ترین کلمه ی دنیا عشقه (LOVE)

و عزیز ترین شخص در دنیا تو هستی(you)

واسه همینه که دوست دارم(I love you)

9- Dear O Dear, ur not near

but i canhear

dont getfear

Urmemories r here

liv widcheer

no moretear

and urmine forever!

عزیزم تو نزدیک من نیستی

اما میتونم بشنوم:

هرگز نترس

خاطره هات اینجا هستن

با شادی زندگی کن

دیگه اشک نریز

چون تو همیشه مال منی

10-Q:Wat is luv?

*

*

*

*

A:Luv iswen sum1 breaks ur heart

n d mostamazing thing

is tat ustill luv them

wid everybroken piece...!

سوال : عشق چیه؟

جواب : عشق یعنی وقتی که یه نفر قلب تورو میشکنه

و حیرت انگیزه که تو هنوز با قطعه قطعه ی قلب شکستت دوستش داری!!

*زهره*

2009/7/23, 08:27 PM

Two convicts were sitting on their cot in a jail cell. One says to the other, "I hear you’re getting out in a few days. Tell me something are you going straight, or are you going back into politics?"

*زهره*

2009/7/23, 08:29 PM

A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."

The next day he received a hundred letters.

They all said the same: "You can have mine."

*زهره*

2009/7/23, 08:29 PM

By the time the soldier pulled into the little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere", he pleaded with a proprietor. "Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, but he is an Air Force guy" admitted the manager, and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you.

" No problem." the tired Army guy assured him, "I'll take it." The next morning the soldier came down to breakfasts bright-eyed and bushy tailed. "How'd you sleep?" asked the manager. "Never better", said the soldier. The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring all night long?" "No, I shut him up in no time", explained the soldier.

"How'd you manage that?" asked the proprietor.

"Well, he was already in bed, snoring away, when I walked into the room, so I gave him a kiss on the cheek" explained the soldier. “Then, I whispered in his ear 'Good night beautiful', and he sat up all night watching me."

*زهره*

2009/7/23, 08:30 PM

An Antartian boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again.

The boy asked his father, "What is this, Father?" The father [never having seen an elevator] responded "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room.

The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction.

The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24-year-old woman stepped out. The father said to his son, "Go get your mother."

s.kh65

2009/7/24, 12:58 AM

Nothing isnt impossible in this world
;)because impossible itsef says: Im possible

azadeh_arch _eng

2009/7/24, 01:28 AM

u know
love is the stil stand thing when the all hos fallen

azadeh_arch _eng

2009/7/24, 01:31 AM

with out good friends days are
sadday-moanday-tearsday-wasteday-thisday-frightdayand shatterday
sooooo im very lucky to have u

azadeh_arch _eng

2009/7/24, 01:35 AM

friend ship means
u happy.imhappy
usad.imsad
u cry.i cry
u laugh.i laugh
u jump down from a building i continue to laugh........

azadeh_arch _eng

2009/7/24, 01:38 AM

i asked god for a rose and he gave me a garden
i asked god for a drop of water and he gave me an ocean
i asked god for angle and he gave me u

m@ys@m

2009/7/24, 03:36 AM

If I was an artist,
you would be my picture!
If I was a poet,
you would be my inspiration!
If I was an author you would be my story!
But I'm only a cartoonist!

m@ys@m

2009/7/24, 03:38 AM

When we sigh about our problems, they grow D_O_U_B_L_E. But when we laugh about them... they become ö ö ö ö ö BuBBLes! Have a bubbly life!

m@ys@m

2009/7/24, 03:42 AM

Only the open heart receives
LOVE
Only the open mind receives
WISDOM
Only the open hand receives
GIFTS
and...
Only the CUTE 1's receive
MESSAGES From ME!

m@ys@m

2009/7/24, 04:46 AM

a butchery advertising
we like to meat you

:smile::D:biggrin:

monrose

2009/7/24, 11:01 AM

This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody.
There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought that Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it.
It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.

monrose

2009/7/24, 11:08 AM

Don't wait until it's too late to tell someone how much you love, how much you care. Because when they're gone, no matter how loud you shout and cry, they won't hear you anymore.

m0nire

2009/7/24, 11:21 AM

I don't care how many lips you've kissed.I don't care how many shoulders you've embraced.I don't care how many times you've said"I love you".All I care is not to be first but to be your last.

*زهره*

2009/7/24, 04:56 PM

Joe, a college student, was taking a course in ornithology, the study of birds. The night before the biggest test of the semester, Joe spent all night studying. He had the textbook nearly memorized. He knew his class notes backward and forward. Joe was ready.

The morning of the test, Joe entered the auditorium and took a seat in the front row. On the table in the front was a row of ten stuffed birds. Each bird had a sack covering its body, and only the legs were showing. When class started, the professor announced that the students were to identify each bird by looking at its legs and give its common name, species, habitat, mating habits, etc.

Joe looked at each of the birds' legs. They all looked the same to him. He started to get angry. He had stayed up all night studying for this test and now he had to identify birds by their LEGS? The more he thought about the situation, the angrier he got.

Finally he reached his boiling point. He stood up, marched up to the professor's desk, crumpled up his exam paper and threw it on the desk. "What a ridiculous test!" he told the prof. "How could anyone tell the difference between these birds by looking at their legs? This exam is the biggest rip-off I've ever seen!"

With that, Joe turned and stormed toward the exit. The professor was a bit shocked, and it took him a moment to regain his composure. Then, just as Joe was about to walk out the door, the prof shouted out, "Wait a minute, young man, what's your name?"

Joe turned around, pulled up his pant legs and hollered, "You tell me, prof! You tell me!"

*زهره*

2009/7/24, 04:58 PM

Cannibals capture three men. The men are told that they will be skinned and eaten and then their skin will be used to make canoes. Then they are each given a final request. The first man asks to be killed as quickly and painlessly as possible. His request is granted, and they poison him. The second man asks for paper and a pen so that he can write a farewell letter to his family. This request is granted, and after he writes his letter, they kill him saving his skin for their canoes. Now it is the third man's turn. He asks for a fork. The cannibals are confused, but it is his final request, so they give him a fork. As soon as he has the fork he begins stabbing himself all over and shouts, "To hell with your canoes!"

*زهره*

2009/7/24, 05:00 PM

Two brothers were always getting into trouble in their neighborhood. The people in the neighborhood started complaining to the parents about the boys. So the boys parents decided to have their priest talk to the boys. The priest asks to speak to the boys alone, requesting to see the youngest first. The young boy comes in and sits at a large table across the room from the priest. The priest looks at the boy, points at him and, trying to emphasize that God is in everyone, asks, "Where is God?" The boy looks around the room and back at the priest and says nothing. Again, the priest points at the boy and in a louder voice asks, "Where is God?" The boy says nothing. The priest walks around the table, pointing inches from the boy’s face and asks again, "Where is God?" The boy jumps out of his chair and runs out the door. The boy runs right home, grabs his older brother and says to him, "We are in BIG trouble!" His brother replies, "We haven't done anything!" The younger brother replies, "God's missing, and they think we did it!"

*زهره*

2009/7/25, 11:02 AM

Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says

"Congratulations, you got twins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"!

*زهره*

2009/7/25, 11:03 AM

A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"

"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."

"That's amazing," said the woman, "how old are you?"

"Twenty-six," he said.

*زهره*

2009/7/25, 11:06 AM

Job Interview Question

You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night. You pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for the bus:

1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.

2. An old friend who once saved your life.

3. The perfect man (or) woman you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car?

Think before you continue reading. This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.

You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first; or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able to find your perfect dream lover again.

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer.

He simply answered: "I would give the car keys to my old friend, and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the woman of my dreams."

Never forget to "Think Outside of the Box."

*زهره*

2009/7/25, 11:06 AM

It's all in the punctuation:

An English professor wrote the words, "Woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.

The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."

The women wrote: "Woman: Without her, man is nothing."

monrose

2009/7/25, 07:29 PM

If Your asking if I Need U the answer is 4Ever..
If Your askin if I'll Leave U the answer is Never..
If Your askin what I value the Answer is U..
if Your askin if I love U the answer is I do.

monrose

2009/7/25, 07:32 PM

When i look at you,
i cannot deny there is God,
cause only God could have created some one
as wonderful n beautiful as you

bmd

2009/7/29, 01:06 AM

I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So, I got a cake:sweatdrop:

*زهره*

2009/7/29, 09:55 AM

The difference between men and women

A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out the window and yells, "PIG!"

The man immediately leans out his window and replies, "Stupid!"

They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner he slams into a pig in the middle of the road.

*زهره*

2009/7/29, 09:57 AM

A second grader came home from school and said to her mother, “Mom, guess what!

We learned how to make babies today”

The mother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. “That’s interesting,” she said. “How do you make babies?”

It’s simple, replied the girl. “You just change y to i and add es.”

*زهره*

2009/7/29, 09:58 AM

Two guys on a double bike where pedaling up a hill. It took forever to get to the top. When they finally got to the top the first guy said in a pant, "whew, that was so hard." The second replied, "If I hadn't been pushing the brakes the whole time we would have rolled down backwards.”

bmd

2009/7/29, 09:59 AM

I wanted to send u something nice that would make u smile but the postman told me to get out of the mailbox!:smoke:

*زهره*

2009/7/29, 04:12 PM

Wife: “There’s trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor.”

Husband: “Water in the carburetor? That’s ridiculous.”

Wife: “I tell you the car has water in the carburetor.”

Husband: “You don’t even know what a carburetor is. Where’s the car?”

Wife: “In the swimming pool.”

m@ys@m

2009/7/30, 06:16 AM

Shall ICompare Thee To A Summer’s Day
Sonnet 18
WilliamShakespeare

Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate.
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer’s lease hath all too short a date.

Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimmed;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance, or nature’s changing course untrimmed.

But thy eternal summer shall not fade
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow’st;
Nor shall death brag thou wand’rest in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou grow’st.

So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.

اگر به روز تموزت همی کنم مانند،

لطیفتر ز تموزی و دلنشین تر از آن.

جوانه های دل انگیزوسبزفصل بهار

چوعمرروزتموزش رودبه باد خزان.

چه تابناک بود گاه چشم داغ فلک

بسا که چهره زرین ولی نهفته به میغ

گهی فزاید و گه کاهدش ز حسن جمال

به لطف پنجه نقاش یا قساوت تیغ.

تموز جاودان تو اما کجا ببازد رنگ؟

و یا لطافت طبعی که در وجود تو هست؟

شگفت نور تو را سایه محو نتوان کرد

و خط عمر تو را مرگ کی کشد در دست!

بمان تو تا که نفس هست و نور هست و غزل.

که این غزل به تو داد عمر جاودان ز ازل.

ترجمه:

محمود رضا فارسیانی

چگونه تشبیه كنم تو را به روز بهاری *
كه بس لطیف تر و دل انگیزتری
باد تند ، شكوفه های زیبای فروردین را می لرزاند
و بهار عمر كوتاهی دارد
گاه چشم آسمان ، داغ می تابد
گاه چهره ی زرینش پشت ابر پنهان می ماند
و هر زیبایی ، زیبایی اش می كاهد
به تصادف ، یا به قضای گریزناپذیر طبیعت
تا در ابیات جاودان من ، بازمان پیش می روی
بهار ابدی تو را خزانی نیست
و زیبائیت را زوالی نیست
و مرگ بر تو فخر نمی فروشد ، آنگاه كه در وادی اش گام برمی داری
تا هر زمان كه نفسی می كشد ، یا چشم را یارای دیدن است
این شعر زنده است و در تو حیات می دمد .

مترجم: علی خزایی فر

m@ys@m

2009/7/30, 06:25 AM

When in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes,
I all alone beweep my outcast state,
And trouble deaf Heaven with my bootless cries,
And look upon myself, and curse my fate,
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featur'd like him, like him with friends possess'd,
Desiring this man's art, and that man's scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least:
Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,
Haply I think on thee,--and then my state
(Like to the lark at break of day arising
From sullen earth) sings hymns at heaven's gate;
For thy sweet love remember'd such wealth brings
That then I scorn to change my state with kings'.

هر زمان كه از جور ِ روزگار
و رسوايي ِ ميان ِ مردمان
در گوشه ي تنهايي بر بينوايي ِ خود اشك مي ريزم،
و گوش ِ ناشنواي آسمان را با فريادهاي بي حاصل ِ خويش مي آزارم،

و بر خود مي نگرم و بر بخت ِ بد ِ خويش نفرين مي فرستم،
و آرزو مي كنم كه اي كاش چون آن ديگري بودم،
كه دلش از من اميدوارتر
و قامتش موزون تر
و دوستانش بيشتر است.

و اي كاش هنر ِ اين يك
و شكوه و شوكت ِ آن ديگري از آن ِ من بود،

و در اين اوصاف چنان خود را محروم مي بينم
كه حتي از آنچه بيشترين نصيب را برده ام
كمترين خرسندي احساس نمي كنم.

اما در همين حال كه خود را چنين خوار و حقير مي بينم

از بخت ِ نيك، حالي به ياد ِ تو مي افتم،

و آنگاه روح ِ من
همچون چكاوك ِ سحر خيز
بامدادان از خاك ِ تيره اوج گرفته
و بر دروازه ي بهشت سرود مي خواند

و با ياد ِ عشق ِ تو
چنان دولتي به من دست مي دهد
كه شأن ِ سلطاني به چشمم خوار مي آيد
و از سوداي مقام ِ خود با پادشاهان، عار دارم.

ترجمه: حسين الهي قمشه اي

m@ys@m

2009/7/31, 06:36 AM

From fairest creatures we desire increase,
That thereby beauty's rose might never die,
But as the riper should by time decease,
His tender heir might bear his memory:
But thou contracted to thine own bright eyes,
Feed'st thy light's flame with self-substantial fuel,
Making a famine where abundance lies,
Thy self thy foe, to thy sweet self too cruel:
Thou that art now the world's fresh ornament,
And only herald to the gaudy spring,
Within thine own bud buriest thy content,
And, tender churl, mak'st waste in niggarding:
Pity the world, or else this glutton be,
To eat the world's due, by the grave and thee.

* فریبا *

2009/8/01, 10:48 AM

Besides the meaning of life and the ingredients of hot dogs, many a man has questioned, "What exactly do women want?" We're not playing coy here, we know we're complex creatures. And, true, we operate on a different wavelength than men.
But women aren't exactly the great mystery that men often make us out to be. The proof? We polled the YourTango staff and compiled a list of 9 simple things women want. Note: you won't find diamond rings or other fancy things anywhere on this list. While many women really do want luxury goods from men, when you break it down they are just physical representations of some of the points on this list. We promise.
More on Dating From YourTango:

http://a323.yahoofs.com/ymg/datingadvice__2/datingadvice-23873699-1248989337.jpg?ymaS6pBDAwavBFUQ

10 Dating Mindsets Sabotaging Your Love Life (http://www.yourtango.com/200925646/10-dating-mentalities-sabotaging-your-love-life)

10 Basic Rules for a New Relationship (http://www.yourtango.com/200913465/10-basic-rules-new-relationship)

1. Respect. Show us through your actions that you respect our opinions, careers, interests, friends, bodies, and minds. You don't have to agree with all that we say or do, but try to honor our opinions as valuable contributions. Follow the golden rule and treat us as you would like to be treated: Be honest, fair, kind, and considerate.
2. Romance. It's another night on the couch with takeout and TiVo? Just because we're staying in doesn't mean the evening can't be romantic. Light a few candles and see where the night leads. Treat us like your girlfriend, even after we become your wife. Date nights, physical affection in the car, kissing like when we first started dating -- all of the things that made us fall in love with you don't have to stop just because now there are bills to pay, a house to be cleaned, and kids to be bathed. Bring home flowers for no reason. We're not talking $100 bouquets of roses here. Even the $10 bouquets from the supermarket are enough to make us smile.
3. Time. We understand relationships can't be all wine and roses; simply making the time to be with us and treating us like your top priority says "love" more than all the fancy gifts and lovely letters ever could. This includes helping around the house. The realities of a 21st-century relationship are that both partners probably work. If you happen to get home before we do, why not vacuum the living room or throw in a load of laundry? If you take the garbage out without being asked, chances are you'll be getting a big ole smooch when you come back.
4. Dinner. Of the homemade variety. You may not be good at cooking and you may not know how to boil water. But greeting us at the door after a long day with fish sticks (or whatever you can wrastle up) makes us swoon, because it shows that you've been thinking about us and our hectic day.
5. Communication. Women are vocal creatures. We know you love us, but it's nice to hear you say it, too. We can also be insecure. We wish we weren't, but the reality is that we often notice our wobbly thighs and forget about our gorgeous eyes. So let us know when you think we're hot. Tell us we're beautiful. It helps us feel good. Words of appreciation aren't half-bad either. Tell us you love the lasagna we made. Notice that we cleaned the bathtub. It doesn't have to be over the top, just let us know that you see the effort we put in, and you're grateful.
6. Consistency. This doesn't mean be boring and predictable. It means that we know you will (usually -- no one is perfect!) give us the love and support we need. Knowing that you're coming at this with the same desires and energy as we are goes a long way to making us feel secure.
7. Engagement. Of the mental kind, not the "I'm getting married in the morning" kind. You don't have to like everything we like (we might be a little concerned if you do), but showing interest in our passions, be it career-related, a sport, or a hobby, goes a long way. Listen when we talk to you. We're not speaking just so we can hear our own voice; we want to connect with you and this is one valuable way we do this. This also means paying attention to the little things. Whether it's the name of your best friend's husband or the fact that you hate Nicolas Cage movies, it's the little things you remember about us that's so endearing.
8. Humor and Humility. These two tend to go hand in hand. This doesn't mean that you have to crack jokes or entertain us, but just being able to laugh at yourself is enough. Guys who take themselves too seriously bring everyone down.
9. Challenge. Not the kind that makes a relationship constant work, but the good kind that surprises and motivates us to do, be, or achieve what we desire. Studies show that partners who prod each other to meet goals -- in other words, don't support lazy or bad habits -- are ultimately happier than those who don't hold each other accountable.
Fountainhead:www.yahoo.com

sara.sss27

2009/8/06, 08:13 PM

Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful."

Buddha

sara.sss27

2009/8/06, 08:16 PM

The future you see is the future you get.

Robert G Allen

sara.sss27

2009/8/06, 08:21 PM

Happiness is not achieved by the conscious pursuit of happiness; it is generally the by-product of other activities

Aldous Huxley

Pray as if everything depended upon God
and work as if everything depended upon man

Francis Cardinal Spellman

My Number One

2009/8/13, 01:57 AM

Horrific Accident
A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
"My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?"
"Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped.
"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ...."
"Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."

My Number One

2009/8/13, 01:58 AM

Game Of Intelligence
There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"

Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"

Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00

The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5. x

My Number One

2009/8/13, 02:05 AM

Btw, Didn't mean to offend any blondie, It was just a bunch of jokes!;) X

Setayesh

2009/9/17, 05:04 AM

School
A place where Parents pay and children play

Life Insurance
A contract that keeps you poor all your life
so that you can die Rich.

Nurse
A person who wakes you up to give you sleeping pills.

Marriage
It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman
gains her masters...:whistle:

Divorce
Future tense of Marriage.

Tears
The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine
waterpower.

Lecture
An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the
notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"

Conference
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Compromise
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got
the biggest piece

Conference Room
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees
later on:w05:

Father
A banker provided by nature

Boss
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early

Politician
One who shakes your hand before elections and
your Confidence after

Doctor
A person who holds your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.

Smile
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.:lol:

Etc.
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Committee
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that
nothing can be done together.

Experience
The name men give to their mistakes.:w25:

Atom Bomb
An invention to end all inventions.

Lord HellisH

2009/9/17, 05:18 AM

Nice to see you here

Specially with your small avatar :d:d

Setayesh

2009/9/19, 01:49 AM

Nice to see you here

Specially with your small avatar :d:d

to be blind who can not see:w25:.
really?my avatar is big enough.it seems u need to wear glasses:lol:.

farhad3a

2009/9/26, 04:37 PM

english language

Introduction

Print this section

English Language, primary language of the majority of people in the United Kingdom, the United States, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, other former colonies of Britain, and territories of the United States. It is also an official or semiofficial language of many countries with a colonial past, such as India, Nigeria, Pakistan, and South Africa. Even in countries where English is not a primary or official language, it is taught as a foreign language and used as the language of technology and diplomacy. English is spoken in more parts of the world than any other language and by more people than any other language except Chinese.

English is classified as an Indo-European language. It is part of the Germanic subfamily and is grouped with its most closely related language, Frisian, as part of the Anglo-Frisian group. Other related languages include Dutch, Flemish, and the Low German dialects, and, more distantly, Modern High German (see Germanic languages).
II Vocabulary

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The English vocabulary has changed continually over more than 1,500 years of development. The most nearly complete dictionary of the language, the Oxford English Dictionary (second edition, 20 volumes, 1989), contains more than 600,000 words, including obsolete forms and variant spellings. It has been estimated, however, that the present English vocabulary consists of more than 1 million words, including slang and dialect expressions and scientific and technical terms, many of which only came into use after the middle of the 20th century. The English vocabulary is more extensive than that of any other language in the world, although some other languages—Chinese, for example—have a word-building capacity equal to that of English.

Internal processes have led to the creation of many new words as well as to the establishment of patterns for further expansion. For example, the process of onomatopoeia, or the imitation of natural sounds, has created such words as burp and beeper. Affixation, or the addition of prefixes and suffixes, such as mis-, ex-, -ness, and –ist, has given English such words as mislead, exchange, forgetfulness, and machinist. The process of combining or blending parts of words produces new words such as in brunch, composed of parts of breakfast and lunch. The formation of compounds yields such words as lighthouse and downpour. Back formation, or the formation of new words from previously existing words, suggests that the verb jell, for example, was formed from jelly. Functional extension, or the use of one part of speech as if it were another, for example, turned the noun shower into a new verb, to shower. The processes that have probably added the largest number of words to English are affixation and functional extension

:heart:

i took this from encyclopedia

setare.blue

2009/10/21, 01:19 AM

روز تولد شما...

Is your birthday day 1 of the month?
Your Life
You are very curious and dedicative. When you are interested in something,
everything else has to wait. This is your quality. But if you learn to be
more patient and complete what you have started, you will be successful in
life. !
Your Love
You believe in love at first sight. You won't wait to learn more about the
person. Vise versa, people who fail to impress you will hardly get a chance
to be your friend. Your emotion is on the extreme. You can only love or
hate, nothing in between and this often shows in your _________expression . Try not to
end a relationship in a quarrel.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Is your birthday day 2 of the month?
Your Life
You have great common sense but usually fail to follow through. This might
happens because you are too busy with your mission and shut yourself from
the outside world. You are clever and profound so there's a slight chance
for self-control problem.
Your Love
Your love progress slowly, and quietly. You seem! to be contented with your
unrequited love. Your are a romantic and loyal lover.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Is your birthday day 3 of the month?
Your Life
Although you are innocent and romantic but your _________expression often mislead
others that you are an active, fun lovi! ng kid. Because of your double
personality, it's hard for others to really know the real you. You are
careful and patient.
Your Love
Your love is the greatest which often surprises others. No one can bring you
to light when you are in love. Your confidence
might lead you to the track your parents disagree .
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Is your birthday day 4 of the month?
Your Life
You usually think before acting which makes your life quite easy. But you
often are the one who give yourself a hard time by being paranoid. People
might not truly understand you but you are really nice to be around. You are
cheerful and friendly.
Your Love
Still water runs deep, that's what you are. You always surprise others with
your new character when you are in love. Your love trap often comes
unexpectedly and your love life is full of surprises.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Is your birthday day 5 of the month?
Your Life
Although you are on the quiet side, but you enjoy excitement and changes.
Routine is something you cannot stand. Because of your extreme confidence,
you hardly ask others for opinion. You believe in leading your own life, and
you have got the gift in doing so.
Your Love
Nothing can stop you from making progress in your love life. Once you are in
love, you feel the ownership of your lover. A third party can only makes
your jealousy becomes worse.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Is your birthday day 6 of the month?
Your Life
You are generous with people in need, sometimes to an extreme that people
find you nosey. Your hidden courage and dedication often surprise others.
Your imagination is extremely unique.
Your Love
Your love life is on the smooth track because it grows from friendship.
Although you may not make a sweet lover but your sincerity bring happiness
to your couple.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Is your birthday day 7 of the month?
Your Life
You are sensitive to changes around you but your feeling is hardly
expressed. You hate exaggerations. Under your quiet personality, you are
rather stubborn and self-centered. These qualities are the force behind your
extreme persistence.
Your Love
You have enormous courage to please your lover. Your relationship often
progress quickly.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Is your birthday day 8 of the month?
Your Life
You have pleasant and friendly personality. People look u to your wit and
imagination. You are unpredictable and hardly complete what you started,
which sometimes create negative impact to people around you.
Your Love
Falling in love becomes your routine. Most of the time you are lucky. You
fascinate people with good taste but you never have enough with one.
Although your love progresses very fast, it never lasts.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Is your birthday day 9 of the month?
your Life
You often have problem in promoting yourself, just because you don't know
how to express your true self. On the other hand, you don't really care what
they think. This is why people misunderstand you until they really get a
chance to learn about your pleasant personality.
Opposite *** find you mysterious and worth searching. Your wit is remarkable
but sometimes you are too fast to follow.
Your Love
You won't reveal your feeling even after dreaming about the same guy over
and over. Your first love lasts forever. You are responsible to the feeling
of your lover. The chance to betray your lover is none. You have luck with
children. You Will be Happy Always with u r Love Marraige. and she
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Is your birthday day 10 of the month?
Your Life
You are very capable. If you are a woman, you have high chance to be a
renowned workingwoman. If you are a man, your path to fame and honor is
near. As an innovator, you are not a good follower. You are good in
implementing your imagination and share it with
others. You are always well dressed.
Your Love
You often lose your love ones from being too jealous. You always feel like
you ow! n the person you fall in love with and that often blows your
relationship.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Is your birthday day 11 of the month?
Your Life
You are gracious, elegant and prudent. People admire your qualities and some
even become jealous of you. You are realistic, flexible and adaptable. You
are remarkably kind and moral person.
Your Love
You are willing to sacrifice yourself for the one you love. Yo! ur lover will
always have your gentleness, care and loyalty. You will always be happy to
hand around the one you love.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Is your birthday day 12 of the month?
Your Life
You are friendly, humorous and full of energy. You are open-minded and do
not! care for minor details. Your weak point is your hot temper.
Your Love
You are willing to start off in one-sided love affairs because you strongly
believe that you will eventually win his/her heart. On the other hand, once
you are together, you always want to do things your way, which is often the
fire starter. You usually run in and out of love quickly.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Is your birthday day 13 of the month?
Your Life
You are sincere and easy going. Flattering and charming around are not your
style. You care so much for freedom that often leads you to the difficult
path. Because of your sincerity, most people find you easy to be around
although you are sometimes too straightforward.
Your Love
Your gentleness, care and sincerity make you an attractive person.
Eventhough you don't intend to be charming, but you naturally are,
especially in the eyes of opposite ***.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -

Is your birthday day 14 of the month?
Your Life
You are so confident that sometimes you forget about the people around you.
If you have to be in one of the two teams, you will choose to be in the
winning team. On the other hand, you are kind and caring but above all, you
care for your own benefits. Your imagination is
unique and often gets implemented shortly after it comes across.
Your Love
You will not get soft with the one you don't really like, no matter how hard
he/she tries. But once you feel for someone you have chosen, there's no
getting back.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Is your birthday day 15 of the month?
Your Life
You are outgoing and love to be at the center of attention. From the
outside, you may seem flashy, flirty, and tricky but your true self is
strong, full of hope to be the leader. When you
fail to convince someone, you will get frustrated, and perhaps let your
temper shows.
Your Love
You are emotional. Many can win your heart at once, but not for long. This
is why you hardly win a decent relationship

setare.blue

2009/10/21, 01:21 AM

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Is your birthday ! day 16 of the month?
Your Life
You always follow the good and the right instead of listening to your heart.
Another word, you are a perfectionist. You care for every word people say
about you. You often seen isolated while you are, by nature, curious and a
dreamer who is ready to get over the edge to make
your dream comes true.
Your Love
You often fall in love with a person who is much different from you, in age
and other aspects. Your relationship grows on friendship. Love at fist sight
is not your style.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Is your birthday day 17 of the month?
Your Life
You neither want to be interfered nor have the desire to mess with others'
life. But you are friendly and occasionally a party animal. You are always
in a circle of friends. You often do things in your own way that
occasionally go beyond the acceptable limit. People may find you childish
and not very attractive in that sense.
Your Love
Your fun-loving character attracts opposite ***. Many of those are great.You
often find yourself trapped among a few great guys while you have to choose
only one.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Is your birthday day 18 of the month?
Your Life
At first glance, people think you are quiet type of person. Actually you are
cheerful, but conditionally. You will show your joyful character only in
good mood. One the other hand, when you are moody, no one would dare to be
around. Because of your emotion fluctuation and frank character, some find
you hard to be around.
Your Love
You hardly show your feeling towards opposite *** no matter how much you
like him/her. Your partner also has similar character so your love affairs
often take quite a while to flourish. Time tells it all. Your sincerity
makes you very attractive.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Is your birthday day 19 of the month?
Your Life
You are great in managing everything in your life and this is how you gain
respect from others. Because of this quality, you sometimes feel that you
are better than the rest. Extreme confidence might lead you! to the wrong
path. You are a free bird and want to lead your
own life.
Your Love
You love life is rather different from others'. When you are in love,
nothing can stop you. You may often fight with your partner but, soon after
that, you will make up in a way that surprises others.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Is your birthday day 20 of the month?
Your Life
You are prudent, circumspect and take things seriously. Before you make any
move, you will think of a few alternatives that might take a while. You are
patient, imaginative and target oriented. You value friendship more than
anything else.
Your Love
You usually study your partner carefully before making any move. You never
demand anything beyond the natural quality of that person. Your sincerity
doesn't bring excitement in your love life but it brings deeply grown
relationship.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Is your birthday day 21 of the month?
Your Life
You are curious and a true follower. You can please someone so much that it
seem like you are trying to charm that person. You hide your disagreement
under your smiling face. This is a charming quality of yours .
Your Love
You are quite unlucky in love. You are loved by someone you don't like while
your dream man is so far away. Your love life is occasionally under
turbulence. Sometimes you don't have the clear view of the guy r gal in your
heart.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Is your birthday day 22 of the month?
Your Life
You have the boss character, but not a leader. Most people look up to you
for your capability and confidence although they find you quite stubborn.
You should list! en more to others. You are a unique and charming individual.
Your Love
You hardly take the moderate track. You either love or hate someone. Whom
you call friends are the chosen ones. If any of them betray you, you won't
let them get away without having hard time.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Is your birthday day 23 of the month?
Your Life
You never live your life in the way others want you to. You are an
independent individual who loves challenges and excitement. You are ready to
face with the result of your decision. You are usually the one your friends
count on.
Your Love
Because you love excitements, you occasionally get involved in forbidden
love affairs. You may fall in love with a married person and no one can stop
you from making progress. You are very charming, although you might not
realize it.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Is your birthday day 24 of the month?
Your Life
You are very optimistic and that's why you always enjoy life. You are gifted
in entertaining others. Your friends love and trust you. You'll be the first
they come to when they are in need of someone to speak their heart out.
Your Love
Sometimes you fall in love just because you want to be in love, not that you
really like that person. You always be seen as a sweet couple but you can't
really get over your love ones from past. Your partner is usually crazy
about you because you are remarkably charming and
romantic.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Is your birthday day 25 of the month?
Your Life
You are a warrior. No obstacle can stop you from reaching your goal. You
always keep yourself busy. This quality plus your responsibility will
eventually bring you success.
Your Love
You adore your partner as the number one priority. You value your love one
more than yourself. Your love is the greatest of all and your have potential
to get married young.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Is your birthday day 26 of the month?
Your Life
You are always curious and responsive to changes. Routine life is not the
way you choose to live. Travelling is your favorite hobby because excitement
is what you are after.
Your Love
You will not stand being around the one you dislike. Your love comes and
goes quickly. You can be deeply in love but soon after you will be looking
around for the next one.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Is your birthday day 27 of the month?
Your Life
You are sensitive and vulnerable. Tears often run down your cheeks even when
the matter is not that bad. This might be the result from being to
pessimistic. You might seem cold on the shell, but your inner self is a kind
loving person.
Your Love
You will be elegantly dressed, no matter how casually dressed your date may
be. You are emanding in love and sometimes to an unacceptable extend.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Is your birthday day 28 of the month?
Your Life
You are a capable person but you usually underestimate your own ability.
This is the cause of missing numbers of opportunity to step forward. If you
try to give yourself a chance, you can be successful in life. Try to see
things on the bright side and you will be happier than ever.
Your Love
You are quite unlucky in love. The one in your arm is not the one in your
heart. Your love has so many ups and downs. You often chicken out before
seeing any progress in love.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Is your birthday day 29 of the month?
Your Life
You can trust your sixth sense. Life is exciting so routine job is not your
interest. You have great ideas and fantastic imagination. You often feel
tired of things and people ar! ound you.
Your Love
You can tell what's in the mind of another person just from looking into
his/her eyes. You are paranoid and jealous and these are the cause of fights
between you and your lover.
Sometimes the thing you believe in is just your imagination.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Is your birthday day 30 of the month?
Your Life
You are always surrounded by a circle of friends. You are friendly and fun
to be with. Though you occasionally disappoint them by being stubborn, but
over all, they love your qualities.
Your Love
You want to have full control of your lo! ve and that's not a nice way to
treat your partner. You take your time in saying yes to his wedding proposal
or if you are a man, you will not propose anyone until you are certainly
confident which might take ages.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -

Is your birthday day 31 of the month?
Your Life
Your emotion is hard to predict. You can be sad this minute and happy in the
next. People might find it difficult to follow your emotion and understand
you. You tend to take things seriously.
Your Love
You take your time to study a person before falling in love. Once you decide
that he or she is the one, no one can stop you from making progress, even
your partner.

منبع:

lorestani110.blogtak.com:w30:

TRiViA

2009/10/21, 10:35 AM

Easy is to dream every night.
Difficult is to fight for a dream...

خوابيدن در هر شب آسان است
ولي مبارزه با آن مشكل است.

Easy is to show victory.
Difficult is to assume defeat with dignity...

نشان دادن يپروزي آسان است.
قبول كردن شكست مشكل است.

Easy is to admire a full moon.
Difficult to see the other side...

حظ كردن از يك ماه كامل آسان است .
ولي ديدن طرف ديگر آن مشكل است.

Easy is to stumble with a stone.
Difficult is to get up...

زمين خوردن با يك سنگ آسان است .
ولي بلند شدن مشكل است.

Easy is to enjoy life every day.
Difficult to give its real value...

لذت بردن از زندگي آسان است..
ولي ارزش واقعي دادن به آن مشكل است.

Easy is to promise something to someone.
Difficult is to fulfill that promise...

قول دادن بعضي چيز ها به بعضي افراد آسان است .
ولي وفاي به عهد مشكل است.

Easy is to say we love.
Difficult is to show it every day...

گفتن اينكه ما عاشقيم آسان است .
ولي نشان دادن مداوم آن مشكل است .

Easy is to criticize others.
Difficult is to improve oneself...

انتقاد از ديگران آسان است.
ولي خودسازي مشكل است.

Easy is to make mistakes.
Difficult is to learn from them...

ايراد گيري از ديگران آسان است.
عبرت گرفتن از آنها مشكل است.

Easy is to weep for a lost love.
Difficult is to take care of it so not to lose it.

گريه كردن براي يك عشق ديرينه آسان است.
ولي تلاش براي از دست نرفتن آن مشكل است.

Easy is to think about improving.
Difficult is to stop thinking it and put it into action...

فكر كردن براي پيشرفت آسان است
متوقف كردن فكر و رويا و عمل به آن مشكل است.

Easy is to think bad of others
Difficult is to give them the benefit of the doubt...

فكر بد كردن در مورد ديگران آسان است.
رها ساختن آنها از شك و دودلي مشكل است.

Easy is to receive
Difficult is to give

دريافت كردن آسان است.
اهدا كردن مشكل است.

Easy to read this
Difficult to follow

خوندن اين متن آسان است
ولي پيگيري آن مشكل است

Easy is keep the friendship with words

Difficult is to keep it with meanings

حفظ دوستي با كلمات آسان است
حفظ آن با مفهوم كلمات مشكل است

ولي پيگيري آن مشكل است

Easy is keep the friendship with words

Difficult is to keep it with meanings

حفظ دوستي با كلمات آسان است
حفظ آن با مفهوم كلمات مشكل است

farah65

2009/10/29, 01:44 PM

How Do You Interpret Love
عشق را شما چگونه تفسیر می کنید؟

Once a Girl when having a conversation with her lover, asked
یک بار دختری حین صحبت با پسری که عاشقش بود، ازش پرسید

Why do you like me..? Why do you love me
چرا دوستم داری؟ واسه چی عاشقمی؟

I can't tell the reason... but I really like you

دلیلشو نمیدونم ...اما واقعا"‌دوست دارم

You can't even tell me the reason... how can you say you like me
تو هیچ دلیلی رو نمی تونی عنوان کنی... پس چطور دوستم داری؟

How can you say you love me
چطور میتونی بگی عاشقمی؟

I really don't know the reason, but I can prove that I love U
من جدا"دلیلشو نمیدونم، اما میتونم بهت ثابت کنم

Proof ? No! I want you to tell me the reason
ثابت کنی؟ نه! من میخوام دلیلتو بگی

Ok..ok!!! Erm... because you are beautiful,
باشه.. باشه!!! میگم... چون تو خوشگلی،

because your voice is sweet,
صدات گرم و خواستنیه،

because you are caring,
همیشه بهم اهمیت میدی،

because you are loving,
دوست داشتنی هستی،

because you are thoughtful,
با ملاحظه هستی،

because of your smile,
بخاطر لبخندت،

The Girl felt very satisfied with the lover's answer
دختر از جوابهای اون خیلی راضی و قانع شد

Unfortunately, a few days later, the Lady met with an accident and went in
Coma
متاسفانه، چند روز بعد، اون دختر تصادف وحشتناکی کرد و به حالت کما رفت

The Guy then placed a letter by her side
پسر نامه ای رو کنارش گذاشت با این مضمون

Darling, Because of your sweet voice that I love you, Now can you talk
عزیزم، گفتم بخاطر صدای گرمت عاشقتم اما حالا که نمیتونی حرف بزنی، میتونی؟

No! Therefore I cannot love you
نه ! پس دیگه نمیتونم عاشقت بمونم

Because of your care and concern that I like you Now that you cannot show
them, therefore I cannot love you
گفتم بخاطر اهمیت دادن ها و مراقبت کردن هات دوست دارم اما حالا که نمیتونی برام
اونجوری باشی، پس منم نمیتونم دوست داشته باشم

Because of your smile, because of your movements that I love you
گفتم واسه لبخندات، برای حرکاتت عاشقتم

Now can you smile? Now can you move? No , therefore I cannot love you
اما حالا نه میتونی بخندی نه حرکت کنی پس منم نمیتونم عاشقت باشم

If love needs a reason, like now, There is no reason for me to love you anymore
اگه عشق همیشه یه دلیل میخواد مثل همین الان، پس دیگه برای من دلیلی واسه
عاشق تو بودن وجود نداره

Does love need a reason
عشق دلیل میخواد؟

NO! Therefore!!
نه!معلومه که نه!!

I Still LOVE YOU...
پس من هنوز هم عاشقتم

True love never dies for it is lust that fades away
عشق واقعی هیچوقت نمی میره

Love bonds for a lifetime but lust just pushes away
این هوس است که کمتر و کمتر میشه و از بین میره

Immature love says: "I love you because I need you"
"عشق خام و ناقص میگه:"من دوست دارم چون بهت نیاز دارم

Mature love says "I need you because I love you"
"ولی عشق کامل و پخته میگه:"بهت نیاز دارم چون دوست دارم

Fate Determines Who Comes Into Our Lives, But Heart Determines Who Stays"
"سرنوشت تعیین میکنه که چه شخصی تو زندگیت وارد بشه، اما قلب حکم می کنه که چه شخصی در قلبت بمونه";)

yekbinam

2009/11/13, 09:20 AM

بزرگترین افسوس آدمی این است که حس می کند می خواهد اما نمی تواند

و به یاد می آورد زمانی را که می توانست اما نخواست

The greatest human regret is when he feels he wants and he can't
and remembers when he could and didn't wan't

" زرتشت . Zoroaster "
______________________________________________

life is a road and you are its passengers so , be careful about the value of your times , maybe you wont be in the road tomorrow.

زندگی مثل یه جاده است ، شما مسافرانشيد
، قدر لحظه ها رو بدونید ، ممکنه فردا نباشید.

bmd

2009/11/13, 09:46 AM

niche

A friend should be a master at guessing and keeping still: you must not want to see everything.
--

A woman may very well form a friendship with a man, but for this to endure, it must be assisted by a little physical antipathy
--
Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent
--

All truth is simple... is that not doubly a lie? 0

rosvayejanan

2009/11/13, 09:04 PM

(http://www.daneshju.ir/forum/f866/t81779.html)

آيا انگليسي آمريکايي (American English) و انگليسي بريتانيايي (British English) دو زبان مجزا هستند يا دو حالت مختلف از زبان انگليسي؟ بعضي‌ها مي‌گويند آنها دو زبان مختلف هستند ولي خيلي‌ها آنها را تنها حالتهاي مختلفي از يک زبان مي‌دانند.

البته هيچ پاسخ دقيقي براي اين پرسش وجود ندارد. ما فقط مي‌توانيم بگوييم که تفاوتهايي ميان آنها وجود دارد. البته بايد بدانيد که اين تفاوتها جزئي بوده و در اثر يکپارچه شدن دنياي امروز اين تفاوتها روز به روز کمتر مي‌شوند.

در ادامه با برخي از تفاوتهاي ميان اين دو نسخه از زبان انگليسي آشنا مي‌شويد.

املاي کلمات

انگليسي بريتانيايي تمايل دارد که املاي بسياري از کلماتي که ريشه فرانسوي دارد را حفظ کند، در حاليکه آمريکايي‌ها بيشتر سعي مي‌کنند کلمات را همانطور که تلفظ مي‌کنند بنويسند. علاوه بر اين، آنها حروفي را که مورد نياز نيست حذف مي‌کنند. به مثالهاي زير دقت کنيد:

British English
American English

colour
color

centre
center

honour
honor

analyse
analyze

cheque
check

tyre
tire

favour
favor

اگر چه هر دو نسخه‌ي آمريکايي و بريتانيايي زبان انگليسي صحيح هستند، اما املاي آمريکايي معمولاً ساده‌تر است. بنابراين بهتر است بطور کلي از املاي آمريکايي استفاده کنيد، مگر اينکه بخواهيد براي خوانندگان بريتانيايي چيزي بنويسيد.

تلفظ

تلفظ‌ها و لهجه‌هاي گوناگوني در انگليسي محاوره‌اي وجود دارد که پرداختن به همه آنها در يک مقاله امکانپذير نيست. بنابراين تنها به تفاوتهاي اصلي بين دو نوع اصلي زبان انگليسي،‌ يعني انگليسي آمريکايي و انگليسي بريتانيايي اشاره مي‌کنيم:

صداي /r/ ممکن است در بعضي از کلمات انگليسي بريتانيايي رسا نباشد؛ مثلاً کلمات car، park، star و bark را در نظر بگيريد. قاعده‌ي آن اينست که حرف r تنها وقتي که يک حرف صدادار بعد از آن بيايد تلفظ مي‌شود، مانند Iran، British و bring.

آمريکاييها تمايل دارند کلماتي که به «-duce» ختم مي‌شوند (مانند reduce، produce، induce و seduce) را بصورت /-du:s/ تلفظ کنند. در انگليسي بريتانيايي اين اغلب کمي متفاوت است:/-dju:s/

براي فراگيري سيستم تلفظ IPA اينجا را کليک کنيد.

آمريکاييها تمايل دارند کلمات را با حذف حروف کاهش دهند. بعنوان مثال کلمه «facts» در انگليسي آمريکايي درست مثل «fax» تلفظ مي‌شود - حرف t تلفظ نمي‌شود.

گاهي حروف صدادار در انگليسي بريتانيايي حذف مي‌شوند. بعنوان مثال در هيچيک از کلمات «secretary» و «tributary» حرف a تلفظ نمي‌شود.

گاهي استرس کلمه در هر کدام از دو نسخه آمريکايي و بريتانيايي تفاوت دارد:

advertisement:

American English: / ' /

British English: / ' /

لغت

در جدول زير چند کلمه متداول بريتانيايي بهمراه معادل آمريکايي آن ارائه شده است:

British English
American English
معني فارسي

lift
elevator
آسانسور

trousers
pants
شلوار

lorry
truck
کاميون

petrol
gasoline
بنزين

underground
subway
مترو

aerial
antenna
آنتن

rubber
eraser
پاک‌کن

flat
apartment
آپارتمان

wardrobe
closet
جارختي

queue
line
صف

pavement
sidewalk
پياده‌رو

Setayesh

2009/11/21, 11:30 AM

Benefits of smile

Smile shows friendship

Smile makes new friends

Smile makes other people's day brighter

Smile improves your day

Smile looks better than a frown
Smile Puts others at ease

Smile always enjoyable to give and receive

Smile leaves favorable impressions

Smile makes you look happy, confident, and self-assured

Smile could be the start of a lifetime relationship!
So, dear friend... Never leave the smile from your face!!

So keep smiling.
http://www.quotesarcade.com/graphics/smile/smile_quotes_graphics_03.gif
http://www.quotesarcade.com/graphics/smile/smile_quotes_graphics_01.gif
http://www.quotesarcade.com/graphics/smile/smile_quotes_graphics_02.gif

m@ys@m

2009/11/30, 04:55 PM

این روزها دیگر چندان عجیب نیست كه لفظ OK را در حین گفتگو از مخاطبتان بشنوید. واقعیت این است كه كاربرد OK در محاوره، امروز تقریبا در تمام كشورهای دنیا كاملا رایج و عادی شده و استفاده از آن تنها به ایالات متحده و دیگر كشورهای انگلیسی زبان محدود نمانده است. اما برخی از ما گاهی اوقات كنجكاو می شویم كه بدانیم OK یعنی چه و ریشه آن چیست و گاهی از دوستان و آشنایان و مدرسان زبان مطالبی در این مورد می شنویم. اما واقعیت مطلب چیست؟

در مورد ریشه OK و چگونگی پیدایش آن نظریه ها و حدس های مختلفی مطرح شده است. برخی ها این نظریه را مطرح كرده اند كه اندرو جكسون، هفتمین رییس جمهور آمریكا، در نوشتن مهارت كافی نداشته و all correct را به شكل oll korrect نوشته بوده و OK از این رخداد شكل گرفته است.

بنا به یك نظریه دیگر، OK از نوعی سیستم شمارش نفرات در زمان جنگ جهانی دوم پیدا شد. در این سیستم شمارش، زمانی كه تلفاتی داده نمی شد، می نوشتند 0k یا (zero killed) كه به عبارتی یعنی همه چیز امن و امان است.

عده دیگری هم می گفتند OK كوته نوشت نام نوعی بیسكویت است كه سربازان آمریكایی در زمان جنگ جهانی دوم استفاده می كردند. با وجودی كه تمام این نظریه ها جالب بوده است، اما در نهایت نادرست از آب درآمد. چگونه؟

پژوهش های آلن واكر رید كه استاد زبان انگلیسی در دانشگاه كلمبیا بود نادرستی تمام این نظریه ها را ثابت كرد. OK به صورت نوشتاری، نخستین بار در 23 مارس 1839 در روزنامه Boston Morning Post ظاهر شد و این روزنامه عمدا all correct را به صورت ok چاپ كرد. علت این اشتباه عمدی هم این بود كه در آن زمان تب استفاده از كوته نوشت ها بالا گرفته بود و در این كار حتی از نگارش اشتباه كلمات، كوته نوشت می ساختند چون جذاب تر به نظر می رسید. به عنوان مثال SP، كوته نوشت SmallPotatoes یا OFM كوته نوشت Our First Man، نمونه هایی از این موارد بودند كه همگی فراموش شدند، اما بنا به دلایلی OK پایدار ماند.

یكی از این دلایل اتفاقی بود كه در زمان رقابت انتخاباتی ون برن (Van Burren)، هشتمین رییس جمهور آمریكا افتاد. ون برن اهل Kinderhook نیویورك بود و مردم او را OldKinderhook یا OK می نامیدند. دور دوم رقابت انتخاباتی ون برن چنان داغ بود كه نام او را بیش از گذشته سر زبانها انداخت. در همین زمان، یكی از مخالفان حزب دموكرات برای مخدوش كردن وجهه این حزب شایع كرد كه اندرو جكسون - كه حامی ون برن بود - به اشتباه all correct را به صورت oll korrect نوشته است.

این شایعه، اگر چه در دنیای سیاست بی اثر ماند اما در دنیای زبان، در كاربرد OK به جای all correct سهم خود را ادا كرد، به طوری كه امروز OK در چهارگوشه دنیا جای خود را در زبان های مختلف باز كرده است.

ترانه

2009/12/07, 08:59 PM

> A British, an American
> and an Iranian died and
> all went to hell
>
> The British said:
> I miss England;
> I
> want to call England and see how everybody is doing
> there....
> He
> called and talked for about 5 minutes...
> Then he said: well, devil
> how much do I owe you for the phone call?
>
> The devil goes five
> million dollars...
>
> Five million dollars!!!
>
> He made him a
> cheque and went to sit back on his chair....
>
>
> The
> American was so jealous, he starts screaming, me too I want
> to call the
> United States , I want to see how everybody is doing
> Too....
>
> He
> called! And talked for about 10 minutes, and then he said:
> well, devil
> how much do I owe you! For the phone call?
>
> The devil goes ten
> million dollars...
>
> Ten million dollars!!!!! ! He made him a
> cheque and went to sit back on his Chair...
>
> The Iranian was extremely
> jealous too...
> He starts screaming and
> Screaming, I want to call Iran too, I want to see how
> everybody is doing
> there too, I wanna talk
> to everybody...
>
> He called Iran and he
> talked for about twenty
> hours,
> He was talking and talking and
> talking
>
> Then
> he said: well, devil how much do I owe you for the phone
> call?
>
> The
> devil goes:
> One dollar...
>
> ONLY ONE DOLLAR?!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !
>
> The
> devil goes: yes, well...
> From hell to
> hell,
> it's
> local !!!!

parandi2

2009/12/07, 09:11 PM

جالب و با مزه بود

bmd

2009/12/07, 09:19 PM

ترانه جان خیلی فیلم بود این جریانه:biggrin::biggrin:
باید البته شاید 150سنت میگرفت.. بازم کلک زده..:crying:
------

Goli Joon

2009/12/08, 12:16 PM

ترانه

2009/12/12, 02:06 PM

Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe. 5000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate is Amir an Iranian guy.

Bill Gates thanked all the candidates for coming and asking those who do not know JAVA program to leave. 2000 people leave the room. Amir says to himself, 'I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try'

Bill Gates asked the candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people to leave.

2000 people leave the room. Amir says to himself ' I never managed anybody by myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?' So he stays.

Then Bill Gates asked candidates who do not have management diplomas to leave. 500 people leave the room. Amir says to himself, 'I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose?' So he stays in the room.

Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo - Croat to leave.. 498 people leave the room. Amir says to himself, 'I do not speak one word of Serbo - Croat but what do I have to lose?' So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate.

Everyone else has gone.

Bill Gates joined them and said 'Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serbo - Croat, so I'd now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language.'

Calmly, Amir turns to the other candidate and says "in folanfolan shode chi az joune ma mikhad?"

The other candidate answers "age (http://funlok.com/index.php/jokes/microsoft-looking-for-new-chairman.html) to midouni, manam midounam!"

ebi1060

2009/12/28, 03:15 PM

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdnieag. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer inwaht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorantt!

;);););):biggrin::biggrin::biggrin::biggrin:;););) ;)

sahar_mo

2009/12/29, 09:53 AM

;)u are righhhhhhhhhht i can read your sentences
thank that was funny:biggrin:

*زهره*

2010/1/01, 09:21 PM

A doctor got a phone call from one of his colleagues. “We need a fourth for poker,” the voice on the phone said. “I’ll be right over,” replied the doctor. As he was putting on his overcoat, his wife asked, “Is it serious?” “Oh yes, quite serious,” he said gravely. “They’ve had to call in three other doctors as well.”

cordelia

2010/1/03, 11:24 PM

شعر کانکریت یا شعر تجسمی(Concrete Poetry)

اصطلاح "شعر کانکریت یا شعر تجسمی"در اوایل دهه پنجاه میلادیهمزمان توسطاوجین گومرینگر(

Eugen Gomringer) در سوئیس واویویند فاهلستروم (Öyvind Fahlström) در سوئد به وجود آمد.شعر

کانکریت یا تجسمی مجموعه ایاز کلمات،حروف یا سمبولهاییاستکه معنی آن هم به وسیله آنچه

می گوید و هم به وسیله شکلظاهریشاستخراج میشود.در اوایل قرن ۱۷ میلادی نیز شاعرانی مانند

جرج هربرت(George Herbert) شعر کانکریت یا تجسمی را تجربه کرده اند.بعضی از شعرهای کانکریت یا

تجسمی از کلماتاستفاده نمی کنند; و به جای آنسمبولهای تصویری برای خوانده شدن کنار هم

چیده میشوند.شعر تجسمی زیر با نام "قو و سایه"(Swan and Shadow)ازجان هلندر(John Hollander) میباشد:

Dusk
Above the
water hang the
loud
flies
Here
O so
gray
then
What A pale signal will appear
When Soon before its shadow fades
Where Here in this pool of opened eye
In us No Upon us As at the very edges
of where we take shape in the dark air
this object bares its image awakening
ripples of recognition that will
brush darkness up into light
even after this bird this hour both drift by atop the perfect sad instant now
already passing out of sight
toward yet-untroubled reflection
this image bears its object darkening
into memorial shades Scattered bits of
light No of water Or something across
water Breaking up No Being regathered
soon Yet by then a swan will have
gone Yes out of mind into what
vast
pale
hush
of a
place
past
sudden dark as
if a swan
sang

Prank master

2010/1/08, 06:16 PM

Arabic- احبك
English - I love you
French - Je t'aime, Je t'adore
Afrikaans - Ek het jou lief
Albanian - Te dua
Armenian - Yes kez sirumen
Bambara - M'bi fe
Bangla - Aamee tuma ke bhalo aashi
Belarusian - Ya tabe kahayu
Bisaya - Nahigugma ako kanimo
Bulgarian - Obicham te
Cambodian - Soro lahn nhee ah
Cantonese Chinese - Ngo oiy ney a
Catalan - T'estimo
Cheyenne - Ne mohotatse
Chichewa - Ndimakukonda
Corsican - Ti tengu caru (to male)
Creol - Mi aime jou
Croatian - Volim te
Czech - Miluji te
Danish - Jeg Elsker Dig
Dutch - Ik hou van jou
Esperanto - Mi amas vin
Estonian - Ma armastan sind
Ethiopian - Afgreki'
Faroese - Eg elski teg
Farsi - Doset daram
Filipino - Mahal kita
Finnish - Mina rakastan sinua
Gaelic - Ta gra agam ort
Georgian - Mikvarhar
German - Ich liebe dich
Greek - S'agapo
Gujarati - Hoo thunay prem karoo choo
Hiligaynon - Palangga ko ikaw
Hawaiian - Aloha wau ia oi
Hebrew - Ani ohev otah (to female)
Hebrew - Ani ohev et otha (to male)
Hiligaynon - Guina higugma ko ika
Hindi - Hum Tumhe Pyar Karte hae
Hmong - Kuv hlub koj
Hopi - Nu' umi unangwa'ta
Hungarian - Szeretlek
Icelandic - Eg elska tig
Ilonggo - Palangga ko ikaw
Indonesian - Saya cinta padamu
Inuit - Negligevapse
Irish - Taim i' ngra leat
Italian - Ti amo
Japanese - Aishiteru
Kannada - Naanu ninna preetisuttene
Kapampangan - Kaluguran daka
Kiswahili - Nakupenda
Konkani - Tu magel moga cho
Korean - Sarang Heyo
Latin - Te amo
Latvian - Es tevi miilu
Lebanese - Bahibak
Lithuanian - Tave myliu
Malay - Saya cintakan mu / Aku cinta padamu
Malayalam - Njan Ninne Premikunnu
Mandarin Chinese - Wo ai ni
Marathi - Me tula prem karto
Mohawk - Kanbhik
Moroccan - Ana moajaba bik
Nahuatl - Ni mits neki
Navaho - Ayor anosh'ni
Norwegian - Jeg Elsker Deg
Pandacan - Syota na kita!!
Pangasinan - Inaru Taka
Papiamento - Mi ta stimabo
Persian - Doo-set daaram
Pig Latin - Iay ovlay ouyay
Polish - Kocham Ciebie
Portuguese - Eu te amo
Romanian - Te ubesk
Russian - Ya tebya liubliu
Scot Gaelic - Tha gra\dh agam ort
Serbian - Volim te
Setswana - Ke a go rata
Sindhi - Maa tokhe pyar kendo ahyan
Sioux - Techihhila
Slovak - Lu'bim ta
Slovenian - Ljubim te
Spanish - Te quiero / Te amo
Swahili - Ninapenda wewe
Swedish - Jag alskar dig
Swiss-German - Ich lieb Di
Tagalog - Mahal kita
Taiwanese - Wa ga ei li
Tahitian - Ua Here Vau Ia Oe
Tamil - Nan unnai kathalikaraen
Telugu - Nenu ninnu premistunnanu
Thai - Chan rak khun (to male)
Thai - Phom rak khun (to female)
Turkish - Seni Seviyorum
Ukrainian - Ya tebe kahayu
Urdu - mai aap say pyaar karta hoo
Vietnamese - Anh ye^u em (to female)
Vietnamese - Em ye^u anh (to male)
Welsh - 'Rwy'n dy garu
Yiddish - Ikh hob dikh

http://www4.0zz0.com/2010/01/08/15/241702460.gifhttp://www4.0zz0.com/2010/01/08/15/241702460.gifhttp://www4.0zz0.com/2010/01/08/15/241702460.gifhttp://www4.0zz0.com/2010/01/08/15/241702460.gifhttp://www4.0zz0.com/2010/01/08/15/241702460.gifhttp://www4.0zz0.com/2010/01/08/15/241702460.gifhttp://www4.0zz0.com/2010/01/08/15/241702460.gifhttp://www4.0zz0.com/2010/01/08/15/241702460.gifhttp://www4.0zz0.com/2010/01/08/15/241702460.gif

nima_tavana

2010/1/08, 07:33 PM

http://www4.0zz0.com/2010/01/08/15/241702460.gifhttp://www4.0zz0.com/2010/01/08/15/241702460.gifhttp://www4.0zz0.com/2010/01/08/15/241702460.gifhttp://www4.0zz0.com/2010/01/08/15/241702460.gifhttp://www4.0zz0.com/2010/01/08/15/241702460.gifhttp://www4.0zz0.com/2010/01/08/15/241702460.gifhttp://www4.0zz0.com/2010/01/08/15/241702460.gifhttp://www4.0zz0.com/2010/01/08/15/241702460.gifhttp://www4.0zz0.com/2010/01/08/15/241702460.gif

منم دوست دارم به صد زبان زنده دنیا:heart::gol:;)

Prank master

2010/1/08, 07:44 PM

http://www13.0zz0.com/2010/01/07/19/799609898.gif

مه سا

2010/1/11, 02:19 PM

Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
We need... = I want
I am sorry = you'll be sorry
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure,go ahead = I don't want you to
Do what you want = You'll pay for this laterhttp://l.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/mesg/emoticons7/45.gif
I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron
http://l.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/mesg/emoticons7/66.gif Are you listening to me? = Too late, you're dead
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
Do you love me? = I am going to ask for something expensive
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
How much do you love me?http://l.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/mesg/emoticons7/5.gif = I did something
today that you're really not going to like
.................................................. ....
http://forum.dezhiran.net (http://forum.dezhiran.net/)

aramesh11

2010/1/27, 05:02 PM

Saint Theresa's Prayer

May today there be peace within
May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith
May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you
Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, Dance, praise and love
It is there for each and every one of us

aramesh11

2010/2/24, 11:20 PM

ABirth Certificate shows that we were born
A Death Certificate shows that we died
Pictures show that we lived!
Have a seat. Relax . .... .
And read this slowly.

I Believe...
That just because two people argue,
It doesn't mean they don't love each other.
And just because they don't argue,
It doesn't mean they do love each other.

I Believe...
That we don't have to change friends if
We understand that friends change.

I Believe....
That no matter how good a friend is,
they're going to hurt you every once in a while
and you must forgive them for that.

I Believe...
That true friendship continues to grow,
even over the longest distance.Same goes for true love.

I Believe...
That you can do something in an instant
That will give you heartache for life.

I Believe....
That it's taking me a long time
To become the person I want to be.

I Believe...
That you should always leave loved ones with
Loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I Believe....
That you can keep going long after you think you can't.

I Believe....
That we are responsible for what
We do, no matter how we feel.

I Believe...
That either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I Believe...
That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I Believe....
That my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I Believe....
That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down
will be the ones to help you get back up.

I Believe...
That sometimes when I'm angry
I have the right to be angry,
But that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I Believe....
That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had
And what you've learned from them and less to do with how many
birthdays you've celebrated.

I Believe....
That it isn't always enough,
to be forgiven by others.
Sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I Believe...
That no matter how bad your heart is broken
the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I Believe....
That our background and circumstances
may have influenced who we are,
But, we are responsible for who we become.

I Believe...
That you shouldn't be so eager to find
Out a secret. It could change your life Forever.

I Believe....
Two people can look at the exact same
Thing and see something totally different.

I Believe...
That your life can be changed in a matter of
Hours by people who don't even know you.

I Believe....
That even when you think you have no more to give,
When a friend cries out to you -
you will find the strength to help.

I Believe...
That credentials on the wall
do not make you a decent human being.

I Believe...
That the people you care about most in life
are taken from you too soon.

tick taack

2010/2/27, 06:14 PM

این جمله با کلمه ای یک حرفی آغاز می شود٬ کلمه دوم دو حرفیست٬‌ چهارم چهار حرفی... تا بیستمین کلمه بیست حرفی
نویسنده این جمله یا مغز دستور زبان بوده یا بی کار:

I do not know where family doctors acquired illegibly perplexing handwriting nevertheless, extraordinary pharmaceutical intellectuality counterbalancing indecipherability, transcendentalists intercommunications incomprehensibleness

ترجمه جمله: نمیدانم این دكترهای خانواده گی این دست خطهای گیج کننده را از کجا کسب میکنند.با این حال سواد پزشکی انها غیر قابل کشف بودن این دست خط ها را جبران کرده و بر غیر قابل کشف بودن انها ( دست خط ) برتری میجوید

Ingenious

2010/3/13, 03:30 PM

این جمله با کلمه ای یک حرفی آغاز می شود٬ کلمه دوم دو حرفیست٬‌ چهارم چهار حرفی... تا بیستمین کلمه بیست حرفی

نویسنده این جمله یا مغز دستور زبان بوده یا بی کار:

I do not knowwhere family doctors acquired illegibly perplexing handwriting nevertheless, extraordinary pharmaceutical intellectuality counterbalancingindecipherability, transcendentalistsintercommunicationsincomprehensi bleness

ترجمه جمله: نمیدانم این دكترهای خانواده گی این دست خطهای گیج کننده را از کجا کسب میکنند.با این حال سواد پزشکی انها غیر قابل کشف بودن این دست خط ها را جبران کرده و بر غیر قابل کشف بودن انها ( دست خط ) برتری میجوید

به ای اون نمیرسه ولی برای شروع مجدد جمله ایکه همه ی کلماتش با s شروع میشه:

six silly sisters saw susan

farda_65

2010/3/15, 09:14 PM

School
A place where Parents pay and children play

Life Insurance
A contract that keeps you poor all your life
so that you can die Rich. (http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/worldmalayaliclub/)

Nurse (http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/worldmalayaliclub/)
A person who wakes you up to give you sleeping pills.

Marriage
It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters..

Divorce
Future tense of Marriage.

Tears
The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower..

Lecture (http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/worldmalayaliclub/)

An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either" (http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/worldmalayaliclub/)

Conference
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Compromise
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece

Dictionary
A place where success comes before work

Conference Room
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on

Father
A banker provided by nature

Criminal
A person no different from the rest
...except that he/she got caught

Boss
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early

Politician
One who shakes your hand before elections and
your Confidence after

DOCTOR
A person who holds your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.

Classic
Books, which people praise, but do not read.

Smile
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc.
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do

Committee
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together

Experience
The name men give to their mistakes.

Atom Bomb
An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher
A fool who torments himself during life, to be wise (http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/worldmalayaliclub/)

dreamer

2010/4/10, 10:23 AM

politician: one who shakes your hand before election and your confidence after!

dreamer

2010/4/10, 10:31 AM

in the begining God created earth and rested ,then God created man and rested, then God created woman since then neither God nor man has rested

drifter

2010/4/10, 11:30 PM

in the begining God created earth and rested ,then God created man and rested, then God created woman since then neither God nor man has rested

hey dude be careful..:D. you're gonna out on a limb as you're waging a one-man war against the women society

i'm gonna ask you something that i do know if you look exactly you're gonna find out the answer....
what are the similarities between women and bathroom:D??

canopus

2010/5/16, 06:58 PM

You have to live moment to moment, you
Have to live each moment as if it is the
Last moment. So don’t waste it in
Quarreling, in nagging or in fighting.
Perhaps you will not find the next
Moment even for an apology.

dreamer

2010/5/22, 01:35 PM

?how do men define a 50r/50 elationship
:razz:we iron - they wrinkle,we cook -they eat , we clean- hey dirty,

اوای علم

2010/8/30, 07:03 AM

The A-Z of English words that describe emotions.

A

angry
"She was angry with her boss for criticising her work."

annoyed

"I'm very annoyed with him. He hasn't returned any of my calls."
"She was annoyed by his comments."

appalled

very shocked
"They were appalled to hear that they would lose their jobs."

apprehensive

slightly worried
"I felt a little apprehensive before my interview."

ashamed

"How could you say such a thing? You should be ashamed of yourself!"

at the end of your tether

completely fed up
"The children have been misbehaving all day – I'm at the end of my tether."

B

bewildered

very confused
"He was bewildered by the choice of computers in the shop."

betrayed

when someone breaks the trust you have in them
"He betrayed my trust when he repeated my secret to everyone."

C

confused

"I'm sorry I forgot your birthday – I was confused about the dates."

confident

sure of your abilities
"I'm confident that we can find a solution to this problem."

cheated

when you don't get something that you think you deserve
"Of course I feel cheated – I should have won that competition."

cross

quite angry
"I was cross with him for not helping me, as he said he would."

parichehr16

2010/8/30, 07:17 AM

thank you ..please help me..and give me a dictionary english to english..
have a good time...!

اوای علم

2010/8/30, 07:36 AM

thank you ..please help me..and give me a dictionary english to english..
have a good time...!

سلام
طی تحقیق من دیکشنری ADVANSEباید خوب باشه

floe

2010/9/09, 05:16 PM

PATIENT:
adjective: bearing pains or trials calmly or without complaint
noun: an individual awaiting or under medical care and treatment
from Merriam-Webster Online

http://lockupdoc.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/2247431698_f68ed874ed_m.jpg
[/URL]
Photo by [URL="http://www.flickr.com/photos/frances1972/2247431698/"]frances 1972 (http://www.flickr.com/photos/frances1972/2247431698/)

Nobody likes to wait.
But, like it or not, the world is filled with situations where we commonly have to do so. Sometimes the waits are excusable and even predictable, and other times they are not. At most doctors’ offices, one can expect to wait to varying degrees beyond their scheduled appointment time. It’s predictable. But is it excusable?
As a doctor who has done plenty of outpatient work, I am well aware of both sides of this coin.
Patients very understandably assert that their time is valuable, too. They often see it as arrogant on a doctor’s part when they are made to wait. Disrespected is how these patients usually feel. “How dare that doctor believe that his time is more important than mine!” is the mantra.
While I can sympathize with this viewpoint, the situation is more complicated than one might assume. And it’s not usually personal or intentional even though it may feel that way to patients.
Some of the primary reasons that doctors run behind schedule include emergencies, patients’ visits taking longer than anticipated, and patients (ironically) arriving late to their appointments. Most of these situations are beyond physicians’ control. Doctors also must return phone calls, speak with pharmacists, and fill out many forms.
I suspect that many patients do not realize that these issues can be frustrating and stressful for doctors, too. Speaking for myself, I am a conscientious person. It bothers me to be running behind. I truly don’t want to inconvenience anyone or waste their time.
So I do try diligently to stay as close to on-schedule as I can. But if I’m to be a competent, conscientious physician, I absolutely cannot make this my first priority. Avoiding or trying to repair train wrecks is more important than the train schedule.
If my first priority is the clock, then I will be more likely to appear rushed or insensitive, not listen carefully, miss important clinical findings, or maybe minimize the importance of something that warrants attention. Patients matter, and their clinical needs, which are often unpredictable, must come first.
Since so much is beyond doctors’ control, should we all just give up and not worry about staying on schedule?
Absolutely not. There are some ways that physicians can improve timeliness. For example, there are methods for improving efficiency and workflow in clinics. American Medical News recently published an article (http://www.ama-assn.org/amednews/2010/03/08/bica0308.htm) to help physicians reduce wait times by addressing such issues. Doctors’ offices also can hire consultants to help them with the task.
What can patients do?
Arrive on-time (I know that sounds like a double standard, but one late patient can result in many more patients having to wait). Be organized–come with a concise list of questions. Be realistic–do not expect a doctor to be able to address several issues in one brief follow-up appointment. Finally, remember that your doctor may be behind because he needed to spend extra time with a patient in need. Next time it might be you–be glad if your doctor is willing to take the extra time when it really matters.
What do you think about this issue? In particular I’d really like to know how long you
believe is a reasonable wait in a doctor’s office.

Lockup Doc (http://lockupdoc.com/) A Blog About Correctional & General Psychiatry and More

mehdi_petro

2010/9/13, 03:07 PM

دشوارترین کلمات در زبان انگلیسی! (http://www.asriran.com/fa/news/130471)

دانشمندان طی پژوهشی جدید به بررسی کلماتی پرداختند که صحیح نوشتن آن‌ها برای اغلب افرادی که زبان انگلیسی سروکار دارند، دشوار است.

کلمه "separate" به معنی "جدا، جداگانه‌ و تفکیک‌ کردن‌" در صدر لیست کلماتی قرار دارد که بیشترین غلط املایی هنگام نوشتن آن صورت می‌گیرد؛ اغلب افراد حرف a پس از p را به اشتباه e می‌نویسند.

دومین کلمه در لیست کلماتی که به اشتباه املاء(هجی) می‌شوند، "definitely" است که اکثر افراد در تشخیص محل به کار بردن حروف i و e دچار مشکل می‌شوند.

کلماتی چون "Manoeuvre " و "Occurrence" نیز در ادامه این لیست قرار دارند.

یکی از نکات جالب توجه در این پژوهش که بر روی 3 هزارو 500 نفر انجام گرفته آن است که اغلب انگلیسی زبانان مانند ما، کلمات انگلیسی را همان‌طور که تلفظ می‌شوند، نوشته و به این ترتیب اغلب اشتباه می‌کنند.

کلمات "consensus" و "unnecessary" و "Acceptable" و "referred"نیز در ادامه این لیست ده تایی قرار دارند.

2 سوم از افرادی که در این مطالعه مورد بررسی قرار گرفته‌اند، اذعان دارند که امکانات تصیح املاء کلمات در نرم‌افزارهای رایانه‌ای ویرایش کلمات، آنها را در صحیح نوشتن کلمات در نامه نگاری‌های دستی یا یادداشت‌نویسی ناتوان ساخته است.

نکته قابل توجه دیگر آن است که باوجود چنین اشتباهاتی در نوشتن، بیش از 77 درصد از افراد توانایی خود در صحیح نوشتن را با کلمات "خوب " یا "خیلی خوب" توصیف می‌کنند..

electoronic

2010/9/14, 01:18 AM

global Internet services company based in Sunnyvale, Calif. The company was founded in 1994 by Jerry Yang and David Filo, graduate students at Stanford University in California. Yahoo! boasts more than 100 million users per month, and it provides users with online utilities, information, and access to other Web sites.

Yahoo!, which includes features such as a search engine, an e-mail service, a directory, and a news branch, began as a simple collection of Yang and Filo's favourite Web sites. It was initially called “Jerry and David's Guide to the World Wide Web,” but, as the site grew in popularity, it was renamed Yahoo!, an acronym for “Yet Another Hierarchical Officious Oracle.” Incorporated in 1995, Yahoo acquired various companies such as Rocketmail and ClassicGames.com, which eventually became Yahoo! Mail and Yahoo! Games, respectively. As one of the major players in the dot-com frenzy of the late 1990s, Yahoo! managed to survive the collapse of many Internet-based companies in 2001–02, but it sustained heavy economic losses.

Yahoo! has battled Google—a major competitor in the search engine industry—for many years in an attempt to claim a larger share of the market. However, despite Yahoo!'s release of its Yahoo! Instant Messenger, its buyout of the Internet photo network Flickr, and its inclusion of myriad other features, many of its rivals have endured. In February 2008 the Microsoft Corporation offered to buy Yahoo! for $44.6 billion, but this proposal was rejected by Yahoo!, and Microsoft then rescinded its offer.

yasser_proe

2010/9/18, 07:43 PM

10 Ways to Eat Like a Dietitian (http://design-wildfire.blogfa.com/post-3105.aspx)

http://a323.yahoofs.com/phugc/QCexJxyPexiU/photos/b976fbd8c1c0775a6836dcca64eb683e/mr_43bc70fb1f7ad5.jpg?ug_____DRFoL3_uo

Food Network star Ellie Krieger shares her secrets. (http://design-wildfire.blogfa.com/post-3105.aspx)

Most of us want to eat healthy, but with all the information around, it can be hard to know just how to go about it. Registered dietitian Ellie Krieger, the host of the popular Food Network show Healthy Appetite, cuts through all the unnecessary stuff to show you what works for her—and what will work for you, too.

ادامه مطلب * مشاهده کامل و دانلود کلیک نمایید (http://design-wildfire.blogfa.com/post-3105.aspx):heart:

:heart::heart::gol::heart::heart:

Koma

2010/11/03, 06:18 PM

English looks like Nokia
Connect people
We all love it

MOJTABA 77

2010/11/05, 02:34 PM

OFFICE ARITHMETIC
حسابرسی اداری

Smart boss + smart employee = profit

رییس باهوش + کارمند باهوش = سود

Smart boss + dumb employee = production

رییس باهوش + کارمند خنگ = تولید

Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

رییس خنگ + کارمند باهوش = ترفیع

Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

رییس خنگ + کارمند خنگ = اضافه کاری

SHOPPING MATH
ریاضیات خرید کردن

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

یک مرد بابت یک کالای 1 دلاری که نیاز دارد 2 دلار می پردازد

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

یک زن بابت یک کالای 2 دلاری که نیاز ندارد 1 دلار می پردازد

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
آمار و برابری عمومی

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband..

یک زن نگران آینده است تا زمانی که شوهر کند

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

یک مرد هرگز نگران آینده نیست تا زمانی که زن بگیرد

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

یک مرد موفق مردیست که درآمدش بیشتر از مبلغی باشد که زنش خرج می کند

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

یک زن موفق زنیست که بتواند چنین مردی را پیدا کند

HAPPINESS
شادمانی

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

برای اینکه با یک مرد شاد باشید باید او را کاملا درک کنید و کمی دوست داشته باشید

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

برای اینکه با یک زن شاد باشید باید او را کاملا دوست داشته باشید و اصلا سعی نکنید که او را درک کنید

LONGEVITY
طول عمر

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

مردان متاهل بیشتر از مردان مجرد عمر می کنند در عوض مردان متاهل بیشتر آرزوی مرگ می کنند

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
گرایش به تغییر

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

زمانی که یک زن با مردی ازدواج می کند انتظار دارد که او تغییر کند ولی اینگونه نمی شود

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does..

زمانی که یک مرد با زنی ازدواج می کند می خواهد که آن زن تغییر نکند ولی او تغییر می کند

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
ادبیات گفتگو

A woman has the last word in any argument.

یک زن در بحث حرف آخر را می زند

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

بعد از آن، هر حرفی که مرد بزند، شروع یک بحث جدید است

SEND THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO THE SMART GUYS YOU KNOW CAN HANDLE IT

این متن را برای یک زن باهوش که به خنده نیاز دارد و مردان باهوشی که میدانید می توانند آن را هضم کنند، بفرستید

reyhaneh88

2010/12/24, 09:47 AM

Is your birthday day 24 of the month?
Your Life
You are very optimistic and that's why you always enjoy life. You are gifted
in entertaining others. Your friends love and trust you. You'll be the first
they come to when they are in need of someone to speak their heart out.
Your Love
Sometimes you fall in love just because you want to be in love, not that you
really like that person. You always be seen as a sweet couple but you can't
really get over your love ones from past. Your partner is usually crazy
about you because you are remarkably charming and
romantic.

thnx

p.mirghafouri

2011/1/16, 10:07 AM

Today’s topic concerns three sets of words that are easy to confuse: “all together” (two words) and “altogether” (one word), “all ready” (two words) and “already” (one word), and “all right” (two words) and “alright” (one word). As we’ll see shortly, one of these six words isn't even a real word.

“All Together” and “Altogether”

Let’s tackle the easy stuff first: words that really are words. Our first pair of real words is “all together” (two words) and “altogether” (one word). The two-word phrase “all together” simply means “collectively”; everyone is doing something all at once or all in one place (1), as in “We sang the national anthem all together.” If you like, you can break up this two-word saying (2), as in “We all sang the national anthem together.”

“Altogether,” spelled as one word, means “entirely,” as in “We are altogether too tired.” You certainly can’t do the separation trick here. “We all are too tired together” sounds altogether silly.

“All Ready” and “Already”

Our second pair of sometimes-confused words is “all ready” (two words) and “already” (one word). “All ready” as two words means “prepared” (3), as in “The cookies are all ready to be eaten.” Again, you can separate the two words and the sentence still makes sense: “All the cookies are ready to be eaten.”

While “all ready” as two words connotes preparedness, “already” as one word is concerned with time; it means “previously,” as in “I can’t believe you ate the cookies already.” As with “altogether” as one word, you can’t do the separation trick. You can’t say, “I can’t believe you ate all the cookies ready.” That doesn’t make sense.

“All Right” and “Alright”

We’ve now come to the third pair of words. At the top of the show I told you that one of the words isn’t a real word. Is it “all right” as two words or “alright” as one word? Well, as grammarian Bill Walsh puts it in his book Lapsing Into a Comma, “We word nerds have known since second grade that alright is not all right” (4). He was talking about “alright” as one word. It's not OK.

Another style guide (5) agrees, saying that “alright” (one word) is a misspelling of “all right” (two words), which means “adequate,” “permissible,” or “satisfactory.” So you might hear the two-word phrase in sentences such as these: “His singing was just all right” or “Is it all right if I wait outside?”

It seems pretty simple: go ahead and use “all right” as two words, and stay away from “alright” as one word. But the esteemed Brian Garner (6) notes that “alright” as one word “may be gaining a shadowy acceptance in British English.” And the American Heritage Guide to Contemporary Usage and Style (7) seems to contradict itself. It states that “alright” as one word “has never been accepted as standard” but it then goes on to explain that “all right” as two words and “alright” as one word have two distinct meanings. It gives the example of the sentence “The figures are all right.” When you use “all right” as two words, the sentence means “the figures are all accurate.” When you write “The figures are alright,” with “alright” as one word, this source explains that the sentence means “the figures are satisfactory.” I’m not sure what to make of this contradiction. The many other grammar sources I checked, including a large dictionary, reject “alright” as one word. Regular listeners of this show know that language is always in flux, so perhaps “alright” as one word is gaining a small footing

https://sites.google.com/site/pmirghafouri/english/common-mistakes-in-english/all-right-vs-alright